Marriage Conference on the Gold Coast

Maybe this is why it’s called the “gold coast.”  The setting sun reflects the glory of God as we drink it in.

We had barely caught our breath after “Worth It” and counseling before we flew to the west coast to speak for Grace Bible Church in Arroyo Grande (on the “gold coast” of California, just a bit south of San Luis Obispo.) Two families from this church, who are Campus by the Sea family campers (Darrel and Cindy Kullman and Paul and Sherry Masters), convinced their senior pastor, Joe Bubar, to invite us to do a marriage conference.  We’re so glad they did!  It was a great experience, from beginning to end.

From the moment we landed at SLO airport, God blessed us in many unexpected ways.  The woman awaiting our arrival introduced herself by saying, “I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I worked at CBS in 1989 and I taught your daughters how to swim.”  :)  We hadn’t seen Jenny Reid Geil since Tim and Krista Zavala’s wedding not long after that summer, but we definitely remembered her.  It was a gift to reconnect with her, to meet her husband, Erik, and to catch up with each other’s lives.  It was such a huge encouragement to us to see God’s work in the lives of so many over the years!

The next blessing was being delivered to our accommodations, which we had been told would be the guest house of some members of the church.  What an understatement!  The beautiful “villa” was at the highest developed peak overlooking Pismo Beach and was definitely 5-star.  Owners Dan and Jennifer Thompson built the guest house with a commitment to using it to bless others, and they succeeded with us!  It was so lovely that had we no schedule to keep, we’d likely still be there.  :)  What a gift!

The conference was kicked off with a Friday night dessert session and we enjoyed speaking to a packed room full of very responsive couples.  We were extremely impressed that three of the pastors and their wives were in attendance, including senior pastor Joe Bubar and his wife, Charlotte, who had only days before returned from a missions trip to Albania.  What great modeling for their congregation!  And what great support for us.  The evening went really well and we returned to the “villa” exhausted but content.

We were at it first thing Saturday morning, and you know I was tired when I passed on the opportunity to do a little tag sale-ing before our 8:30 am start.  :)  Instead of collecting “things” I collected a few more “zzzz’s,” which served us both well for the long day ahead.  Long, but so, so good.  We had great interaction, thoughtful questions, and positive feedback throughout the day.  We truly felt met by God.

Darrel and Cindy Kullman along with Associate Pastor Brian Farone and his wife, Teri, did a great job of putting the conference together.  It was well organized and everything they did made what we do easy.  We loved the spirit of the people: very open, responsive, engaged.  A great reflection of their church leadership.

Coffee break during Saturday’s all-day seminar.

The conferees return to their seats after that coffee break, refreshed and ready for more “food” of a different kind.

That evening, Paul and Sherri Masters hosted a phenomenal dinner for the Bubars, Kullmans, and us.  Paul barbecued some halibut, salmon, and ling cod he had caught fishing in Alaska, and that, combined with rich fellowship and a beyond-description sunset as the full moon rose made for a truly unforgettable evening.  We were filled to overflowing in all ways.  An added bonus was having the Kullman and the Masters children there.  We were so heartened by their hearts for the Lord and their positive contribution to the evening.

Darrel and Cindy Kullman have 5 sons, ages 4 to 18, and all are using their talents to honor the Lord.

Paul and Sherri Masters and their two children (and their dog!) extended warm hospitality and delicious food that evening.

Sunset Saturday night—it seemed to last forever.  And while it was painting an inimitable skyscape . . .

. . . the full moon was rising.  Majesty!

After the sun had set, guitars and s’mores came out around the campfire, adding an exclamation point at the end of a great night.

Back to the villa we went for a solid night’s sleep before teaching a very large Sunday School class on parenting Sunday morning.  Another former CBS staffer (Christi Weakly) came up to reintroduce herself to me; we hadn’t seen her since 1987!  Another surprise blessing from the Lord.

It was our joy to be part of the congregation after teaching SS and hear Pastor Joe preach.  His message was solid and the whole worship experience was good for the soul.  It was really interesting to hear part of Joe and Charlotte’s story.  They both have long, faithful heritages and their three adult sons are serving the Lord around the country.  Charlotte’s father is The Reverend Paul Thom, formerly of Park Street Church in downtown Boston.  In his early 90’s now, Paul is still active in the church and in prayer and visitation ministry.  Gotta love a man like that!

Paul and I had a few moments with Joe and Charlotte Bubar after church on Sunday.

After a quick lunch with Erik and Jenny Geil, and a 5-mile run on the beach, we took our “villa” hosts, Dan and Jennifer, to dinner at a gorgeous restaurant overlooking the ocean—at sunset.  We had a blast getting to know them and their hearts over a fantastic seafood dinner.  It would be hard to imagine a lovelier evening.

Dinner with Dan and Jennifer Thompson—wonderful in every way.

We took Monday as a “holiday” in anticipation of our upcoming 35th wedding anniversary (April 24) and walked the beach, had Bali’s frozen yogurt, poked around downtown SLO, had bbq tri-tip sandwiches for dinner, and went to see Soul Surfer.  It was as close to a date as we’ve had in a while and it sure was a lot of fun.  Back to the villa for our final night.  After cleaning and packing, we took the train to Irvine for the next chapter of this trip.  Stay tuned!

It really was “Worth It”

What does finding a needle in a haystack look like these days?

How 'bout having two NFL players who, along with their wives, tell a crowd of 500 teens and their parents that they chose sexuality purity as the route to making the covenant commitment of marriage?

That packs a pretty big punch—which gets even bigger when both couples explain that their commitment was marathon in nature - not sprint-like.  David and Kassidy Thomas (former Patriot, now part of the Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints) said that their courtship lasted six years—from their first date in high school to their marriage, which happened after they graduated from college—and that they strategically devised a plan that would help them honor this highly-valued commitment to sexual purity.  Six years!!  They were very practical as they explained their commitment to purity and the road they took to help them accomplish their goal.  They were truly inspiring!

David and Kassidy Thomas relate their story to a spellbound group.

But that wasn't the only needle!  Danny Woodhead (New England Patriots’ very popular and successful running back) and his wife Stacia also told their story, recounting eight years between their first date in high school to their post-college wedding.  They also successfully honored their commitment to sexual purity.  In a culture that has all but given up on the very archaic concept of marriage being the exclusive context for sexual activity, it was refreshing and hope-giving to hear these very cool young couples express why they had set that goal and how they accomplished it.  Both couples were convincing as they conveyed their belief that God's design really is good and that their decision for sexual purity was "worth it."

And those were only two of the stories of the day.  The maxed-out crowd which gathered at Calvary Christian Church in Lynnfield heard from a variety of voices, including those who had not been as successful in making God-honoring choices in the area of sexual purity.  All offered hope, encouragement, and challenge to trust God in the area of relationships and to pay attention to His instructions so that He could give them the very best.  The message of grace and forgiveness was also abundantly clear and universal in application.

"Love the diverse panel of speakers and their different life experiences."  

"I appreciated the realness of the speaker.  Their transparency made a tough subject safe to talk about . . .”

We brought Danny Oertli in from Parker, Colorado, to "fill in the gaps" and he was perfect.  He began playing 15 minutes before the conference officially began, which drew the crowd into the sanctuary, and he played a various points throughout the day.  It was a great decision to have him on the team and we were so thankful for the effort he expended to come for less than 24 hours.

Danny Oertli, always a favorite, got the crowd worshiping together and beautifully filled in the gaps of the day.

Barbara Steele again masterfully published all of the printed material connected with "Worth It."  She is amazing!

Kirsten Watson, whose husband Benjamin is also a former Patriot (now playing for the Cleveland Browns) launched the day by powerfully speaking to the subject, "You are worth it!"  What establishes our worth?  The deep and sacrificial love of God, expressed through the death and resurrection of Jesus.  His performance.  Not ours.  Each person, therefore, is worth being treated with honor, respect, and dignity in all areas of life . . . including our sexuality.  Kirsten was engaging and spot on and God used her to lay a great foundation for the day.  We desperately wanted those in attendance to understand that sexual purity is not about following a set of repressive rules, but about understanding the depth of God's love for us and responding to Him in obedience to His clear instructions. 

"Hearing that I am worth it made me aware that my family is worth fighting for.  Being there for them is worth it."  (parent)  

Kirsten Watson was our first plenary speaker and she did a great job of laying a foundation for the day as she spoke of the deep heart of love God the Father has for us, which establishes our being "worth" treated with honor and respect.

Paul, who did a phenomenal job emceeing the day, conducted five-minute interviews with those speakers who weren't doing a plenary session in between sessions and that was very effective.  His interview with our daughter Lisa was very powerful as she talked about some of the benefits of cooperating with God's plan for purity.  She related that the decision she and her college boyfriend made to have a non-physical relationship that lasted for almost two years prior to them moving on served them so well.  They had a blast while they dated—and no regrets when they stopped dating.

You could hear a pin drop in the room when she continued and said, "But the best part of it was when I met the woman he married several years later.  I could look her right in the eye and know that I had honored her in my relationship with the man who eventually became her husband, and that he had as well.  Though we didn't know her while we were dating, we had honored her."  What a great word.  It was very powerful.  It was also powerful to hear her say that though she never expected to be single at 28, and admittedly that was hard at times since she really does want to be married, her life is full and good and she feels deeply loved by God.  She said, "This I know: I would much rather have my very fulfilling life as a single woman than be married to the wrong person.  As of now, I haven't met the right person for me, so I'm content waiting."  What an important and profound word!

"Today showed me that God does care about my heart's desires."  (17-year-old female)

Lisa Friesen—a single, and an athletic trainer at James Madison University—spoke very important words about the goodness of God and His ways.

During the morning, workshops were offered covering a range of topics, and were led by our very qualified team.  Nate Parks, director of Camp Berea, led a workshop for the parents on understanding the culture in which they are raising their children.  Jess and Elizabeth Bousa, church planters from Grace de Havre, New Jersey, spoke on the perils of cyberspace, and Lisa Friesen spoke on establishing convictions now that will help you honor God in college.  Don Davis gave a word of hope as he spoke on freedom through forgiveness, and Kirsten Watson challenged teens to be prepared to stand up to the godless culture in very practical ways.  David and Kassidy Thomas spoke on why sticking to your commitment for purity is worth it, and Kate Wylie did a workshop on why it's important to not give up on God's design for marriage.  The broad spectrum of topics provided something for everyone.

Nate Parks spoke to the adults during the workshop block on the realities of today's culture.

God blessed us with a gorgeous spring day (not to be taken for granted in New England!) so lunch boxes became outdoor picnics for many.  Jim Martis (MJM Catering) once again did a masterful job with his capable team and over 500 were served efficiently and nutritiously in short order.

"Big Jim" Martis catered the day using lunch boxes, which worked beautifully for over 500 hungry conferees.

Some of his capable team included Lili Stobbe, Peter and Cassie Sammon, and Linda Tedford, who got the job done well and efficiently.

It was a perfect day for being outside . . . and the lunch boxes made it easy.

During lunch, many fans enjoyed being photographed with Danny Woodhead and the other NFL players in our midst, who also kindly autographed many folders.  Paul was a bit disappointed that no one asked for his autograph (or photograph, for that matter!)

The team really seemed to enjoy one another.  Here Kate Wylie, Thomas and Margaret Austin (Patriots’ practice squad), and Danny and Stacia Woodhead hang together.

After lunch, Kate Wylie, whose husband Paul was the silver medalist in men's figure skating in the 1992 Albertville Olympics, did our third plenary session.  In an extremely honest presentation, Kate talked about the "sliding scale" that is so often applied to God's standard for purity, and what it costs.  She talked about the hypocrisy of "technical virginity" which Christian singles often rationalize and settle for, and challenged the men to lead their relationship in a godly fashion.  She said that sadly, there was no difference in the way guys who called themselves Christians treated her compared to those who were outside the church.  Kate was very open in saying that part of the reason she was speaking at "Worth It" was because she felt no one had instructed her with clarity when she was a teenager regarding God's design for emotional and physical purity, and that the "just don't have baby-making sex" had not been enough to protect her from making regrettable decisions along the way.  Her talk was thought-provoking and poignant.  

Kate articulated why we do the "Worth It" conference for the family, rather than just for the teens, when she said that no one had instructed her on God's design for sexual purity. In our years of doing family ministries, we've seen what she's described far less in kids who have had parents who encouraged and instructed their teens in the area of sexual purity.   As a result, we've felt the need and the call to equip challenge parents along with their kids on the subject of purity for several reasons.  First, it's hard for parents to stay ahead of the curve in the ever-changing sexual landscape of our culture, so many erroneously believe that things aren't that different from when they were teen-agers, and second, most parents will default to passing on the same legacy of silence regarding sexuality they received from their parents.  The stakes are too high to not interrupt this pattern, so we're committed to making it a bit easier for parents by opening up discussion on these important topics.  Third, and most sobering, many parents have given in to the culture and given up believing and expecting that their teenagers could make God-honoring decisions regarding their sexuality in this "anything-goes" culture.  We want to refortify them as well as their kids.

"Almost speechless with praise and thanksgiving, I feel like my eyes were opened to see the ‘7,000 others who had not bowed the kneel to Baal.’ ” (a parent)

“I came here for my daughter, but am leaving excited for both of us."  (parent)

"Loved hearing these messages with my daughter.  I wish I had had an opportunity like this when I was a teen."  (parent)

Kate Wylie had everyone's attention as she talked about the perils of using a sliding scale when it comes to God's design for purity.

After peer group break-outs, during which time Paul and I spoke on parenting during the teen years, Don Davis, retired from the NFL in a Patriots’ uniform and now juggling a number of roles including itinerate speaker, PAO, and the PA of the NFL, wrapped up the day with a call to surrender.  Charismatic, dynamic, and gospel-centered, Don put it on the line.  He unloaded the "swag bag for Jesus" and talked about forgiveness, grace, and love.  Don's heart for the Lord was impossible to miss and when he challenged the crowd to say "yes" to Jesus, at least 40 stood to make a profession of faith.  It was a very sacred moment in the day.

"The best part of the day was when I accepted Christ."  (14-year-old female)

"God has been tugging on my arm for a few years to pull me back.  Today He gave me a yank.  Thank you so much."  (female)

Don Davis kept it going by giving a very powerful call to commitment during the last plenary session.  He had everyone's ear and God used him to reached many hearts.

But that wasn't all.  Paul interviewed Danny and Stacia Woodhead, whose story inspired all.  Their hearts for the Lord are so sincere and they faithfully honored each other throughout their 8-year courtship.  What a hope-giving model!  We were so thankful they were willing to come and be used so powerfully.

Paul interviews Danny and Stacia Woodhead as the "Worth It" conference drew to a close.

But that still wasn't all.  The whole team, including Brian and very pregnant Heather Dietz, gathered on the stage for the open question and answer time, and though we were unable to answer all the questions, quite a number were fielded.  That was followed by a time for commitment, and while Danny played his guitar in the background, Paul challenged the youth to consider committing themselves to purity, and confirming the commitment by signing a pledge card.  He encouraged them not to sign it if they weren't ready to do so.

"I made a commitment that sticking with my convictions is worth it."  (16-year-old male)

The teaching team listens as Kirsten Watson answers a question.

Paul throws in some thoughts on one of the questions.

As Danny plays, the conferees consider making a commitment to purity.

It was all over at 4 pm.  The place cleared out pretty quickly and the wonderful volunteers broke it down and cleaned it up.  Though tired by this point, everyone felt quite energized by what had happened that day.  It was clear that God had done a great work among us that would have deep impact beyond the day.  We all agreed that all of our efforts had been "worth it" and that by God's grace, all those there that day left knowing that God's heart for them is deep and His plans for them are good.

“This was such a great way to spend my Saturday.  I learned so much and gained so much strength that I'm certain I can make it.”  (17-year-old female)

“My 15-year-old went from being ‘sullen’ and not wanting to come, to being happy, apologetic, and saying 'Too bad more kids from our church aren’t here.’ ”

The remnant—after all the attendees were long gone, we caught this group for one final picture.  How blessed we are to be surrounded by them!

And, from a 13-year-old, "This day was totally awesome!  And tons of fun, too!"

We'll let her have the final word.

We're really not in Hawaii anymore...

We flew from Atlanta to Boston on Monday the 28th of March, welcomed home by a very spring-like day.  Matthew, who along with his mom picked us up at the airport, was thrilled to discover the crocuses in our front yard, as were we.  Tthese fragile purple flowers are the unmistakeable symbol that winter has lost its grip and spring is coming.  And so it was a rather rude awakening . . .

Matthew poses with our “field” of crocuses . . .

. . . to be greeted by snow several days later.  Wow!  Classic New England!  Though everyone knows it won’t hang around long at this point in the year, it was disconcerting to more than a few who felt like there’s been more than enough snow already this winter.

. . . which were buried three days later by the April Fools Day snowstorm.

We jumped right in to life as we know it when we’re home.  Paul actually made an airport run later the night we returned to help out a friend!  His servant-heartedness touches so many.  Counseling, sorting mail, unpacking, and preparing for two H.I.M. events in the next two weekends filled that week.  We always try to accommodate invitations from local churches when we’re in town, so the weekend of Engagement Matters, April 2-3, ended up being very, very full.

Friday night, April 1, we spoke at North Shore Community Baptist Church for a couples dessert night.  Hosted by Ryan and Kelly Plosker, the evening was well done and enjoyed by 40-50 couples.  In typical Kelly fashion, the tables were decorated simply and beautifully, and both fruit and sweet desserts were available.  She even took the labels off the water bottles because they clashed with the colors.  :)  The extra mile!

We so enjoyed the evening.  The couples responded well to the teaching and seemed to really appreciate having a date night with a purpose.

The tables were beautifully set . . .

. . . and the couples were very engaged in the teaching.

Early Saturday morning, we headed to the Macrae home in Weston to hold Engagement Matters.  We had a lively collection of 16 couples who hailed from all over New England, as well as one couple from Seattle and two couples from Pennsylvania.  Along with Ryan and Kelly Plosker, we taught through lots of material on God’s design for marriage and challenged the couples with many practical considerations in light of God’s Word.  We enjoyed interacting with this thoughtful group who seemed to have a sincere desire to make wise decisions.  We have such a deep heart for this arm of our ministry, believing that doing good work prior to marriage can increase the chance of experiencing a more fulfilling and God-honoring marriage.  We’re grateful for these couples who contributed to this being another successful weekend.

Engagement Matters weekend is always a highlight for us.

Most of the couples posed for a photo at the end of our last session.

Saturday night, we drove straight from the end of the first day of Engagement Matters to Medway Community Church to speak for a couples date night there.  We have a long history with that church, having spoken at their first couples date night back in 1995.  The many return visits since have endeared this congregation to us.  It was great to meet their new pastor (it's always a good thing when the senior pastor shows up at such events in the life of the church!) and to reconnect with old friends.  Though we were pretty beat by the end of the evening, we were really glad for the opportunity to partner with Medway.

At 2 am Sunday the 3rd, a family of four from Moses Lake, Washington, arrived to spend a week at our house.  Kent and Staci Copley have been featured in previous blogs, as Kent serves as the executive pastor of Moses Lake Alliance Church and has invited us to speak at their marriage conference multiple times over the past years.  One of the joys of doing that has been developing a deepening friendship with their family, so they chose to spend their spring break exploring Boston and hanging out with us.  Their flight was delayed out of Denver; hence their very late arrival.

Monday morning waffles with Kent, Staci, Tori, and Britni Copley, who spent a week with us.

We had a blast with them!  We love their daughters who are absolutely delightful, and the parents aren't too bad either.  We had many fun moments with them (around our counseling schedule and final preparation for the “Worth It” conference held April 9) and loved having the laughter of little girls in our home again.  We had lobster races with the fresh catch bought in Maine, watched American Idol together (an indoctrination for us, since we have never really found the time or priority to tune in to this popular show), and shared many leisure meals together while we heard about their adventures in and around Boston.  It was truly a joy to have them.

We wrapped up Engagement Matters that Sunday afternoon, and then Paul headed off to his next speaking engagement: a men’s event at Grace Community Church in Chelmsford.  Bill Keating, who arranged the evening, was thrilled with the large turnout of men and Paul has received very positive feedback on his talk.  It’s so encouraging to partner with a church that is committed to building into men.  Though truly exhausted by this time,  Paul was honored to be a part of this movement at GCC.

We also had a low moment in this week: we completely missed a speaking engagement on Thursday, March 31.  It was an awful moment to receive a call at 9:56 am that morning and to hear the voice on the other end say, “We have 57 women that are waiting to hear you speak this morning.  Are you on the way?”  Paul was at the office, and I was knee deep in preparing the house for our house guests—and for the first time in our many years of ministry, we had completely forgotten about a commitment.  Though we offered to jump in the car and try to salvage the morning (after admitting that we had failed to remember), the gracious woman said not to worry, that we could reschedule.

It was a huge moment of grace.  Her response was so gracious.  She said, “Having just returned from spending days with my mother who has stage 4 cancer, you not coming this morning is minor.  Please don’t worry about it.  The ladies are having a great time talking and we’ll all look forward to rescheduling you.”

Wow!  What a gift she gave us that morning.  Though we really did feel terrible, she was clear in insisting that we not lose sleep over it.  We’ll be touched by her response for a long time to come.

No, we’re not in Hawaii anymore, but we’re truly glad to be back in New England with many folks we love and are privileged to serve with.  There’s no place like home . . .
. . . unless it would be Sacramento, California, where our precious little-big grandson is growing and changing daily.  Here he is pictured at 7 months with his Red Sox colors proudly displayed.  Now if he could only bring them a little luck . . .

7-month-old Brandon makes it harder to live 3,000 miles away.

From Hawaii to Rome . . . Georgia, that is!

The sun set over Hawaii before we boarded our 11 pm flight to Rome—Georgia—via Phoenix.  Those red-eye flights are getting more challenging, but are an easy-to-make trade-off for a whole day exploring the island.  We were pretty beat by the time we arrived in Atlanta, but revived quickly when Jeannie and baby Brady chauffeured us to their home in Rome, about 1.5 hrs north of Atlanta.

We are so impressed with how God is using the Kings!!  In the 2.5 years they’ve been in Rome, they have made a huge impact on their community, their school, and their church.  Driven with a similar passion for the incredible goodness of God’s design for family and marriage, Nate and Jeannie are “making it happen,” all the while building into their own almost 11-year marriage and their 4 precious children, ages almost 8 down to 1.5 years.  No bonbon eating in front of the TV for them.

Our invitation was to do a marriage conference for their home church, Pleasant Valley South Baptist Church, whose senior pastor, Dr. Phil May, also shares their commitment to marriage and family ministry.  Knowing the bandwidth of their church community, they held the conference “in house,” Friday night and Saturday until 1pm, and provided a children’s program for those with youngsters.  Brilliant!  Their original hope was to have 25-30 couples, so they were ecstatic when 55 couples participated in the conference!  Lots of hard work in publicity and planning preceded the weekend, and obviously paid off.

When couples arrived Friday night they were welcomed by a beautifully set room and served a lovely catered dinner.  It was very well done and every detail was tended to, right down to the Danny Oertli music playing in the background.

Dana and Greg Tarter were among the first to arrive for dinner, and having left their 4 children in the children's program, they were very happy to have some quiet moments to themselves.

Nate and Jeannie emceed the weekend and really did a great job.  We gave one talk Friday night on the overall theme of “the irony of intimacy” and felt the conference got off to a really good start.  Wedding cake was served, door prizes were creatively given out, and the atmosphere was filled with hopeful anticipation.

Nate and Jeannie did a great job of running the conference and their expectations were exceeded all weekend.

Jeannie’s aunt made the beautiful wedding cake on the right and along with the “groom’s cake,” provided yummy desserts for all.

This very creative couple “presented” the door prizes theatrically.  They were a delightful, comedic team.

Saturday morning, bright and early, the couples streamed back to the church for two sessions with us speaking and another session with relevant workshop options.  Paul and I spoke on temperaments in our workshop, while Nate and Jeannie taught on spiritual oneness and prayer, and the “fun” couple spoke on keeping your marriage alive by having fun.  Nate and Jeannie affectionately refer to them as the “Doug and Julie Macrae of Rome!”

When all was said and done and the clean-up crew had finished their job, the weekend was pronounced a huge success.  It seems that everywhere we go, the sentiment is similar: our marriages and our families need this kind of encouragement.  The worldly view regarding the disposability of marriage infiltrates at least our subconsciouses and the clarity of God’s design slowly fades, leaving all of us more vulnerable to our own selfish agendas and solutions.  This great congregation in Rome expressed deep gratitude to us for reminding them that there are more important things than indulging the entitled belief that “my right to happiness trumps all else.”

Sunday we taught a class on marriage to the congregation at the First Presbyterian Church, for whom we had done a marriage conference in January.  Tommy and Pricilla Overton oversee family and marriage ministry there and we love to work with them.  It was a sweet time of following up on some themes from the conference.

The rest of the time before we flew out Monday morning for Boston (with our suitcases still packed with the winter clothing we had needed two weeks earlier in Pennsylvania, the swimsuits and snorkeling gear we had needed in Hawaii, and our “business casual” dress needed in Rome), we hung out with the sweet King family.  Cookie baking, talking, eating, laughing, having mutual friends over for dinner—it was good to relax a bit with all six delightful Kings.

Emily and Camryn help Mr. Paul bake chocolate chip cookies . . .

. . . and Brady enjoys the finished product.

Cam, Emi, and Drew have breakfast before school as we take off for the airport.

Meanwhile, Brandon inched towards 7 months and sent us smiles across cyberspace while his parents celebrated the publication of Gabe’s book The Gospel Revolution.  Lisa wrapped up her commitment to the JMU’s women's basketball team and returned to the soccer fields.  And Julie muscled her way through some huge exams, moving closer to finishing her 5th of 7 terms of physical therapy school, while Derek makes preparations to join her in San Diego for a week over Easter.

It was good to get home after 2.5 weeks on the road, but we returned overflowing with gratitude for all of the ways God met us during this multi-faceted, 11,000 mile trip which took us from the easternmost point of the USA to the westernmost point!

Brandon is 7 months old.  :)

Three Days in Paradise

The amazing days in Oahu with the PWOC women continued to linger, but I was overjoyed to return to the Big Island to spend several days with Paul relaxing and exploring this incredible place.  We had a blast discovering new-to-us territories, starting on Monday morning when we drove up to the north point of the island and worked our way down the east coast.  Rugged beauty along that coastline being fashioned by churning, powerful tides and waves filled us with awe at Creator God.  We drove down into Laupahoehoe, where in 1946 a tsunami swept away a play yard full of 21 school children and 3 adults.  The newspaper articles said that had the wave come 15 minutes later, the children would've been in their classroom, which was relatively unscathed by the tsunami.  Since the 2011 March 12 tsunami was very present in our minds, it was a bit eerie to be in a place linked by similar tragedy, so we didn't stay long.  But long enough to have our respect deepened for the power of God as seen in the sea.

Since the east coast of the Big Island is known for waterfalls, and because Paul is a waterfall lover, we visited as many as we could.  :)  All of them were voluminous and gorgeous.  Akaka Falls, Rainbow Falls, Pe'ePe'e Falls, and Wai'ale Falls—we visited them all and were duly impressed with their majesty.  Our hopes to swim in the pools that feed Wai'ale Falls were dashed when we noted how full and raging the flow was in and out of the falls, so wisdom overruled and we settled for taking photos.  After poking around Hilo and admiring their flowers and fresh produce, we continued down the coast to "Champagne Pond"—a natural thermal-fed pool with crystal clear, warmish water.  Lovely.  We drove back at nightfall along the Saddle Road and witnessed a spectacular sunset far from the coastline.  What a great day.

Akaka Falls were gorgeous.

At Wai'ale Falls, we had hoped to swim in the pools above the falls, but didn't want to risk experiencing the falls personally, so we passed.  Lots of rushing water at the top!

At Champagne Pond, we were mesmerized by the clarity of the water,  revealing multi colored lava rock which formed the "pool" bottom.

Tuesday, March 22, we headed south, stopping first at Kealakekua Bay to scout for porpoises, whales, turtles, or anything else marine.  What we saw first, sadly, was the tsunami wreckage of several coves along this coastline.  Thankfully, the evacuation was effective in preserving human life, but some parts of this island were hit pretty hard.  Reconstruction was underway and those who live here acknowledge that it is part of life for coastline dwellers and businesses to take the occasional "bad" with the incredible "good" of living in such places.

Tsunami devastation in this little village by Kealakekua Bay was sobering to see.

We drove on to Honaunau (aka "The City of Refuge"), where we snorkeled at Two Step Beach and saw many turtles and beautifully colorful fish.  The underwater world is breathtakingly beautiful and it was hard to pull away from, but parts south beckoned us, so on we drove.  Our next stop was Honomalino Beach, which we had visited in 2003 when our whole family made our first visit to this wonderfully diverse island.  It is accessible only by starting at Miloli'i Beach Park, but was well worth the 25-minute trek to experience this out of the way, gorgeous black and white sand beach lined with a backdrop of coconut palms.  Arriving at Honomalino this year, we were not prepared for the complete destruction of this once beautiful place, which didn't really survive the forces of the tsunami.  The coconut palms were broken like toothpicks and the beach was all but gone.  The difference was incredible.  We obviously didn't hang out there for long.

The turtle at Honaunau waved at us,  giving us a warm aloha greeting.

The south point of the island is rugged, rugged, rugged.  And "out of the way," so to speak.  But Andrew Doughty's description of the hike to Green Sand Beach in his tour guide Hawaii: The Big Island Revealed  was compelling and Andrew hasn't let us down yet as we've used his guide as a "bible" for exploring the islands....so off we set to experience this unique place.  Following a small road 12 miles off the main road, and then hiking 2.5 miles in stiff headwinds, we finally made it.  These photos don't really capture the fury of the ocean, but let's just say we didn't stay down on the beach long with the incoming tide pounding aggressively on the shore.  It was well worth our efforts.  We were sadly mistaken by the notion that the hike back would be "easy" since the wind would be at our backs.  Rather, it was coming at us sideways, with a relentless sandblasting effect as the stiff wind carried sand on its wings.  What a great adventure - and yes, we'd do it again.  :)

Our first glimpse of Green Sand Beach found at the very southern tip of the Big Island.

Paul got right into it . . . while I took photos and hoped he wouldn't be the victim of a rogue wave.

We caught sunset at Honaunau that night after our south point adventure and it was majestic.  Isn't it interesting that the whole world stops to view a sunset?  It's so very captivating.

Another gorgeous sunset viewed from Honaunau.

Our last day of fun in Hawaii was spent exploring Kohalo Beach area, just north of the Kona airport.  While I was in Oahu, Paul had discovered this beautiful place serendipitously.  He was out driving when he stopped to investigate a bunch of trucks parked at the side of the road.  After noticing a dirt path leading to palm trees in the distance, he was in for the adventure.  He sent me a text message with photo Saturday afternoon while at the women's conference which said, "Don't know where I am, but it's beautiful!"  :)  That's my intuitive perceiver!!

So we returned to the place, having identified it in Doughty's book, and we had a great, great day there.  We walked to "Queen's Bath" - a natural pool lined with lava rocks and filled with crystal clear brackish water.  After a brief dip, we continued walking the coastline and eventually arrived at a lagoon in Kiholo Bay.  Absolutely gorgeous, with aquamarine water and abundant turtles, we could've stayed here for days.  We snorkeled, photographed napping turtles, and relaxed on the lava "shoreline" of the bay.  It really doesn't get much better than this.

Paul enjoys the Queen's Bath in Kiholo Bay.

These sea turtles napped undisturbed in the warm sunshine at Kiholo Bay.

Have you ever seen sea turtles snuggling?  :)

We somewhat reluctantly hiked back to our rental car and returned to our dear friend's condo to clean and pack for our 10:45 p.m. flight that night.  How very, very thankful we were for these idyllic days on this island paradise.  We boarded the plane overflowing with gratitude for three of the best days ever . . . feeling refreshed, renewed, and refueled.

Isn't it amazing how the setting sun changes how everything looks?

To and From Hawaii with Love

When the invitation to speak for a women’s conference in Hawaii came nine months ago, we “knew” it would be God’s will for me to say “yes.”  Isn’t it always His will that we go to Hawaii??

We’ve joked that way each time we’ve been invited to Hawaii, but in all honesty, we do pray for confirmation of His will, even for invitations to what has become our second favorite place in the world.  And we knew that only He could’ve orchestrated this invitation, the back story of which began 25 years ago at Campus by the Sea (our first favorite place in the world).

The invitation came from Stacey Taylor, who 25 years ago was twelve-year-old family camper Stacey Munsey.  She came to CBS with her single mom and her four siblings, as well as several of her aunts and their children, beginning a tradition which is still alive today.  A collection of Munseys, Huitts, Browns, and Cekoriches show up at family camp every summer (missing only a couple of summers when their name never made it to the top of the waiting list).

Through Stacey’s teen years, as she navigated the challenges of a broken home, CBS became a place of refuge and hope.  In her words, she was drawn to the truth of the gospel and wanted desperately to live her life according to that truth, but brokenness in several critical areas hindered the full realization of that desire (a reality all of us share with her).  Even still, she returned—summer after summer—to have her wounds dressed and her hope renewed.

When Stacey invited me, she wrote this:

“Virginia and Paul, I am so blessed that you were a part of my teen years, in a home without a parent-team, without relationship role models, without a true vision and understanding of my worth to our Lord. I will not forget what I did grow up with: a family whose heart craved to know our Lord more.”

She got married in her early twenties and bore her first son.  For many reasons, that marriage failed quickly and she juggled being a single mom with trying to finish college during her mid-twenties.  Though not easy years, she is a survivor, and during this time her faith grew by leaps and bounds.  Through much hard work and perseverance, framed within the grace of God whose love for her was transforming her from the inside out, she managed to get through college and provide stability for her son.  Her every-summer family camp tradition became sporadic physically, but remained constant in her heart.

Stacey was last at CBS six years ago, only a few years into her marriage to Britton Taylor, who serves with the U.S. Navy.  As she landed at CBS that summer with Britton, Caleb, and Kirstyn, her beautiful smile told it all.  She was in a secure marriage with a godly man and together they were committed to raising their children for Him.  I remember being moved by how healthy and happy their little family was; it was obviously the work of God in their lives.

Since then, their assignments have kept them geographically too far from CBS to come back, but they are finishing a 3-year tour in Hawaii this summer and are being relocated to Everett, WA, so their plans are in motion to attend family camp in 2012.

I know that’s a lot of background for this post about the women’s conference, but I am so deeply moved by the Christlikeness of this family, I can’t really stop thinking about them.  Stacey’s journey reflects with unmistakeable clarity the power of God to redeem, to transform, and to accomplish His purposes.  She is an amazing mother to her four children, a loving wife to her husband of almost 9 years, and a faithful mentor to a variety of younger moms God brings across her path.  She is leading ministries that are equipping and encouraging marriages and families with Biblical truth.  And she completed a masters in marriage, family, and child therapy in the last few years.  Wow!

So, when Stacey invited me to speak for the the PWOC retreat (Protestant Women of the Chapel) back in July (while we were doing family camps at CBS), we agreed with her that this was God’s will.

Even so, I had no idea of how deeply I would be blessed and impacted by the time with Stacey and these wonderful women.

From the time Stacey picked me up at the Honolulu airport Thursday afternoon, March 17, until she returned me there Sunday late afternoon, each moment seemed God-breathed.  First stop: her base housing, which allowed me to have a peek at her sweet family, including her husband, her four children, and 9 one-week-old chocolate lab puppies.  Busy household!!

Stacey holds her “baby” Karelyn, and is surrounded by oldest son Caleb, Kirstyn (holding one of the puppies), and Camden.

And then we were off to Mokuleia, a Christian camp located on the west coast of Oahu, right across from Dillingham Field airstrip.  The camp is right on the water, so had we been one week earlier, we would’ve been evacuated for the tsunami.  Thankfully, our only weather excitement came in the form of rain that visited us on and off during the weekend.  At least it was warm rain.

The ladies began gathering Friday afternoon and were welcomed by a warm registration team.  Arriving at their rooms, they were surprised to find  personalized goodie bags and other gifts on their beds.  Stacey and her team didn’t miss anything!  Each woman felt well loved by the time they reached their rooms!  After a great dinner punctuated by a worshipful hula, all gathered in the beautifully decorated meeting room for the start of the conference.  It was very impressive to see the ambience created by some hardworking designers, whose creativity transformed the functional space into a warm, welcoming, “we love you” refuge.

Part of the welcome committee, ready for action, who maintained this coffee/tea station throughout the weekend.

The theme of the first meeting Friday night was “He knows me and still loves me!” based on Psalm 139.  How good it is to be reminded from that psalm that God is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent.  That I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, that He knows me fully, that He knows my name, and that His love for me is deeper than I’ll ever fully understand.  It laid a great foundation for the rest of the weekend.  Walking to our cabins under a full moon to go to bed was a perfect ending to a seamless start.

Stacey welcomes everyone and launched the conference Friday evening.

The full moon was an added gift to the weekend.

Saturday dawned before it was bright; the 6 am prayer meeting at the beach beat the sun up, and though it was hard to interrupt sound sleep at that very early hour, it was well worth it.  A surprising number of women joined the circle to intercede for many and it truly was a “sweet hour of prayer” and a fitting start to the day.  The morning session focused on a look at God’s creativity as seen in our differing temperaments, “Fearfully and Wonderfully Wired,” and we had a rollicking good time laughing at the ins and outs of our personalities.  But it was more than fun—it was insightful and equipping as we considered the challenges we face in accepting and validating our differences, especially in our marriages.  There were many “aha!” moments that will hopefully make a difference relationally going forward.

That night, we looked at "Taking the Road Less Travelled—Trail Markers Along the Way,” springboarding off my book Raising a Trailblazer:  Rite of Passage Trail Markers for your Set-Apart Teen (as per request by Stacey).  Knowing that not all of the women had children approaching the teen years (either because they were empty-nesters, not yet moms, or were moms of really young children), I broadened the application of the principles for all.  For instance, the 13th-year rite of passage focuses on the value of purity, but at what age does purity become unimportant?  God calls us to purity our whole life, so I challenged the women to consider their own pursuit of purity in what they read, see, do, how they dress, etc.  I was thankful for a fairly universal application of the heart of the book and was really touched to hear how the talk affected a number of the women.

Besides our main sessions, I loved being available to the women, and they seemed to love my availability.  After meeting with women before and after sessions, I crawled into bed at 1 am both Friday and Saturday nights—rather exhausted, but contentedly so.

Sunday started with rain, so after getting up to my alarm at 5:45 am for prayer meeting, my housemates informed me that the outdoor prayer meeting was cancelled due to rain, so I happily went back to bed for another hour.  I later found out that the devoted prayer warriors met anyway—indoors.  I’m sure they prayed for me, because once again, during the final session, I was very aware of the presence of God.  My last talk, entitled “Forever 31 . . . and Making a Difference:  Five “D’s” that will improve your GPA*” (Growing a Proverbs 31 Attitude), was a charge to be devoted to growing as Proverbs 31 ladies and to DO something to make a difference for the kingdom with each one’s unique gifting and call.  I sensed that the women were stirred by the spirit of God and left with resolve to be more fully His, driven by His purposes.

The book table was ably managed by Jenn Forxworth - top right- (whose brother Thomas Austin is on the practice squad for the New England Patriots, and who along with his wife Margaret, was very involved in our couples’ Bible study last fall!), and helpers Stephanie and Kelly.  The ladies were thrilled to have some new resources to take home with them and definitely set a record per capita for book sales.

There were many reasons this women’s retreat was the richest and most meaningful I’ve ever been a part of, but two stand out with prominence.  I’ve already written about the first: Stacey.  The second is that this wasn’t any ordinary group of women: these women are married to men who are serving our country through the armed forces.  The context linked me back to my growing up years, as the daughter of a Naval officer and his very devoted wife, my mom.  It’s been a long time since I’ve thought of things like deployments and ID cards and base housing and uniforms, but it all came flooding back to me kind of like a tsunami figuratively.  I felt a bond with these women in a way I hadn’t expected, for though I’m not a military wife, my years as a Navy “brat” connected me with their world on a fairly deep level.

Interestingly, I felt that some of my most persuasive encouragement to the women came as a result of the gift my parents gave me and my 6 siblings of the strength of their marriage.  Stacey reported that just the week before, statistics had been released revealing that the divorce rate among the military is highest at the bases of the Pacific Fleet — right there in the idyllic paradise of Oahu.  I wanted to give these women hope that they could avoid being part of that dismal statistic by the grace of God and by prioritizing, guarding, and investing in their marriages.  I used many examples from what I observed in my parents’ marriage as a kid growing up in the military.  I can still see my mom every night as I kissed her good-night sitting at the huge mahogany table she and my dad had built together,  writing him on a plain Mead tablet.  Every night.  She numbered the letters and sent them off every day.  My dad was doing the same thing from wherever he was in the world.  And when he was out at sea, it was a red-letter day when the mailman brought 2 dozen letters to her in one day due to a mail drop in the middle of the sea.  His were numbered as well, so my very happy mom would know the order in which to read them, and also would know if any were missing.  Those letters are bundled and preserved in boxes to this day, as my parents approach their 63rd wedding anniversary.  Obviously we were never privy to the contents of those letters (I do remember overhearing my dad instruct my mom to burn them before they left this earth), but their impact was huge in terms of our sense of security of the solidarity of our parents’ marriage.

I asked my mom to write these precious women some thoughts from “one who’s been there” and this is what she wrote:

A few thoughts from an old military wife...
There are many jobs I think I could have done well in my life, but God gave me the best of all: wife and mother. To make it even more challenging and interesting, He made me a military wife.
A few of the things I learned I would like to share with you.  First of all, you are a wife and helpmeet and as such you have no military rank, no matter who your husband is.
But you do have have the privilege of helping other wives in so many ways. Take advantage of that.
The Navy used to say, “if we would have wanted you to have a wife we would have issued her with your sea bag.”  Thank heaven that has changed and the military has finally realized what an asset a family is to a service member.
Military life is difficult but also rewarding. My first advice is that you support your spouse in every way you can. Being a wife is hard, being a serviceman’s wife is even harder.
If you are a parent, the most important thing you can do for your children, besides loving their father well, is to have the same set of rules and standards when their father is away as you do when he is home.  So many times after the ship had sailed I heard a few “Boy, am I glad he is gone.  Now we can do things differently.”  That is a recipe for disaster for your child.
Most of all, I will say that had I not been a Christian, letting God lead in my life, my Navy journey would have been much more difficult. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”  (Phil 4:13) was the verse I relied on to get me through many tough times.
I hope you are having a fantastic retreat in beautiful Hawaii. 

Aloha—
Esther Collins

The women loved it!  What a treasure to have her speak into their lives words that few others could speak.

So I left the weekend empty of energy and full of heart.  It was such a gift to me to have spent the weekend with this group who are challenged in all the “normal” ways that young moms are challenged today, as well as with things that most are not.  Some of them returned to homes “alone” with husbands deployed as planned, but others whose deployments were unexpected due to the tsunami in Japan.  Most returned to temporary situations, with orders looming on the horizon which would transplant them to bases around the world.

By God’s grace, all returned with a deeper understanding that their security isn’t dependent on where they live, or on their husband’s rank, or how long they’ll be in one place—but on His everlasting and abiding love and presence, which will always be theirs.  I left with a heart expanded by a very special group of women, whose faces, stories, and journeys I’ll carry with me, with hopes of crossing paths again.

This is part of an email I received from Stacey this week:

“Many women have related to me that their return home was completely peace-filled, emotional, and marked by worshipful exhaustion. As I spoke with a few today, soo many of them were filled with such peace when they went home they were just glad to be home with their families—where they belong. That just softened my heart with gladness to hear such news. Even more was their complete love for you, the way you spoke to their hearts and reminded them to live with purpose. I have to say that purpose was a reoccurring theme spoken today of the retreat impact. One woman in particular couldn’t believe “that I had no sense of direction” or even thought about parenting purposefully, only living day to day and ‘doing the best I can’ . . . what a wonderful talk she had with her husband that night.”

I’ve spent much time since the retreat thanking the Lord for this experience and praying for these women.  I know that it is God who is at work in them and that He is their hope.  Pray with me that their awareness of Him will only grow stronger and will draw them to deeper levels of surrender to Him.

Cynthia, Vera,  Riza, Hannah, Susie . . . some of the great ladies who expanded my heart.

After most of the women had left, I gathered this “remnant” who were wrapping things up for a quick photo.  Tired but radiant, no?

Hannah (a Gordon College graduate turned teacher for Calvary Chapel’s school in Honolulu) led worship—and crazily jumped in the ocean with Susie after it was all over for a memorable ending to the weekend.

The glory of God was seen in the beautiful setting, as well as in the beautiful women.

Salt of the Earth

We recovered from the H.I.M. Marriage Conference just in time to head to Wayne, Pennsylvania, to speak for Church of the Savior’s annual conference.  It was such a privilege to return to Church of the Savior (COS).  We had spoken there twice before, once on parenting and once on marriage, and both were organized by our dear friends John and Marilyn Nugent.  With Nugents no longer at COS due to their relocation to San Francisco, we were delightfully surprised to hear from Ron Perry, the family pastor at COS, inviting us back.  We love that church and we love Ron and Kathleen Perry’s heart for marriages and families.  They are doing some very innovative and proactive programs for equipping their people and we consider it an honor to partner with them.

The conference kicked off Friday evening with two sessions and dessert in between. Ron and Kathleen Perry not only ran the evening, but they baked all the desserts for it as well.  No Costco desserts here!  They did a beautiful job and everyone who attended was truly blessed by the care and love invested in making it so lovely.

Our two sessions that night went quite well, though the audience seemed a bit tired, presumably from a long work week.  Feedback was very positive, and the enlivened audience which reconvened Saturday confirmed that a good night’s rest was needed.  Many thoughtful questions were generated by the audience of over 200 and we felt they were very engaged and listened actively.  It was truly a joy to be with them.  We received this email from one of the attendees:

“I wanted to thank you again for all that you and Paul shared this weekend at the marriage seminar.  My husband and I both appreciated your honesty and transparency.  We have had some good conversations as a result.  

Over the past several months I have been pondering why God made us (men and women) so different.  Realizing that God doesn’t do things in error, I concluded it was very intentional.  Beyond that revelation, I couldn’t figure out why.  :)  I so appreciate you sharing and explaining how you have come to appreciate the differences in each other and how you have learned to work together in spite of your differences.”

And from Ron Perry:

“I wanted to tell you and Virginia that in our senior staff meeting this morning our senior pastor was most laudatory in his comments on the way you handled the Genesis and Ephesians passages on Friday night.  He thought that it was particularly effective that you did it as a husband and wife and that you didn’t ‘water it down’ as some are in the habit of doing.  All the feedback we are getting has been most positive.  Thank you so much, it is such a privilege to work with you and Virginia.”

Ron and Kathleen Perry, family pastor at Church of the Savior, baked all the desserts for the crowd of over 200 who came out for the first two sessions of the marriage conference Friday night.  What a labor of love!

After the conference ended Saturday afternoon, we had a small break before having dinner with their part of their marriage team who plan and promote marriages at COS.   We shared lively discussions at the table among the four couples, which included the Palominos, the Shores, the Perrys, and us.  All of us share a deep passion for growing marriages and families in Christlikeness, so we found the evening stimulating and encouraging.

Part of the COS marriage team—the Perrys, the Palominos, and the Shores—returned to the Shores’ home for dessert after a wonderful dinner out Saturday night following the marriage conference.

We wrapped up our time at COS Sunday morning teaching their marriage Sunday School class.  We found the same eager and open receptivity to the teaching as we had all weekend.  Ron and Kathleen are spearheading a vital and critical ministry at COS and are a huge blessing to that congregation.  

Bill and JoAnn Shore are the “salt of the earth” and served as our hosts for the weekend at COS.

As much as we loved the hands-on ministry opportunities at COS, the highlight for us personally was getting to hang out with Bill and JoAnn Shore.  As part of the founding team of COS over 40 years ago, everyone who’s been a part of COS since its inception are familiar with the Shores and would probably understand why I said they were the highlight of our time.  Bill, who will be 81 this year, and JoAnn, his young bride of 79, will celebrate 59 years of marriage this year.  They are the epitome of those the Psalmist refers to as being “green with sap” as they continue to make kingdom work the driving force of their existence.  Their hospitality is bar-setting, from simple and delicious home cooked meals, to their relaxed, make-yourself-at-home attitude.  Their passion for God, His Word, and His people is inspiring.  Their tireless serving is impressive.  None of the “we served for years—now it’s your turn” attitude was minable.  

And their love for each other was so hope-giving.  They are living models of God’s design for marriage.  Theirs really does reflect His glory.

Paul wrote this about our time with the Shores:

“We just spent the weekend with Bill and JoAnn Shore as our hosts while we were doing a marriage conference at their church. 

Bill is 81 and JoAnn is 79.  This is a couple that delights in each other.  On Sunday, in order to arrive for the early service, Virginia and I snuck out of the house around 7:30 am.  After church we mentioned our concern that we may have wakened them when we left.  Bill said, ‘Oh, we were awake at 7 but stayed in bed and… well I guess you know.’  They are a delightful couple and delight in each other.  Every meal we ate together Bill would give JoAnn a kiss just after the prayer for the meal.  I noticed every time he walked past her in the house he would pinch her bottom or give it a loving smack. 

Bill and JoAnn have been married 59 years.  When we asked them, ‘If you had it to do over again, what would you have done differently?’ they both said, ‘Come to Christ at an earlier age.’  You don’t have to hang around Bill and JoAnn long to see their relationship with Christ is most important to them.  At 79 and 81, they are hosting dinners, Bible Studies, discipling men and women.  One teacher at the church was pointed out as the 5th generation of those Bill has discipled who have then discipled others. 

As soon as they came to Christ, they decided to put Him first and their marriage second. The Shores have been serving Him, each other, their children, and the kingdom ever since.  They are not in Florida collecting seashells, they are in Pennsylvania, serving the Lord and finding delight in Him and each other.”

Every church needs a Bill and JoAnn Shore in their congregation.  They are truly the salt of the earth.

One added bonus for us that weekend:  as only God could orchestrate, James Madison University’s women’s basketball team, whose phenomenal athletic trainer is our daughter Lisa, was playing the championship round for the Colonial Athletic Association’s title Sunday afternoon, just 2 hours from COS.  The opportunity was too good to pass up, so when Sunday School ended, we hopped in the rental car loaded with Paul’s world famous chocolate chip cookies (thanks to JoAnn Shore’s amazingly equipped kitchen and pantry!) and we drove straight to the arena.  It was such a thrill to cheer the Lady Dukes on to victory and to see them honored for all of their hard work and excellence on the court.  The win got them a bid to the first round of the NCAA tournament the following weekend (which, sadly, they lost).  But it was nothing but joy that Sunday afternoon and we felt so gifted to be there.  

Back to the Shores for dinner and interesting conversations about our life stories and such before hitting the hay in a state of exhaustion.  Though only getting 4 hours of sleep before departing at the ungodly hour of 4 am for our flight to Hawaii, we voiced no complaints, knowing we’d have 12 hours of airtime to sleep en route to Kona.  And that will be a story for my next blog.

Besides getting to see the Lady Dukes win the CAA Championship, we got to spend a few hours with my brother Frank (far left) and his son Chris, and my sister Laura and her husband David, and of course Lisa, the athletic trainer who kept that championship team on the court with her endless hours of treatments and rehab.  What a treat to be there!

H.I.M.'s "Irony of Intimacy" Conference

Arriving home close to midnight on Sunday, Feb. 27, I was made aware of how blessed (and spoiled) I am to have Paul.  He didn’t come home with me, but rather flew to Charlottesville, Virginia, to spend a day with Lisa and return our second car to Bedford (which had been on loan first to Julie during her fall internship in Northern Virginia, and then to Lisa after her car died).  It was snowing when I returned, and the 6" of snow in our driveway looked a bit overwhelming when I realized that I was there alone. Paul always shovels and makes sure those things are taken care of.   Before taking it on, I checked the weather and found that rain and warmer temps would be arriving through the night, so I pretended it wasn’t there and sloshed through to the house dragging suitcases and mementos from the Princess run.  Continuing in the established pattern of touching home base only briefly, I did laundry, repacked, and drove to Glenville, New York (just outside of Albany), to spend a couple of days with my very dear friend Helen Challener, who had just moved into a new home and whose husband was on a 2-week business trip to India.  My gamble on not shoveling paid off; I had no problems driving out of our driveway Monday morning, thanks to rain which melted the already fallen snow and ice.  Sometimes procrastination is a good thing.

My days with Helen passed altogether too quickly as we poked around thrift stores, walked her dog Penny, visited with a wonderful “I want to be like her when I grow up” friend of Helen’s named Betty,  and laughed and talked endlessly.  It was a total blast and I’m so thankful we were able to shoehorn the visit in between conferences.

Helen and her dog Penny are getting settled in their new house.

Helen and I spent an inspiring evening with her dear friend, Betty.

The following weekend, March 4-6, was our annual H.I.M. marriage getaway conference.  Returning to the beautiful Viking Hotel in Newport, Rhode Island, we had a sell out crowd of 100 couples.  At our H.I.M. Board’s insistence, Paul and I spoke for this conference and we felt very, very met by God.  We love teaching on the subject of “The Irony of Intimacy” because we’re constantly reminded that at the very heart of intimacy is sacrificial love.  It's so easy to forget that in this culture, which is so steeped in entitlement and approved-of selfishness.


From start to finish, the weekend exceeded our expectations.  We are so blessed to have a phenomenally creative and hard-working team around us.  Doug and Julie Macrae knocked it out of the park again with their generous goodie bags and the wonderful decorations, which created an ambience of romance and delight. Jim and Sue Martis handled registrations, the book table, and served as the liaisons for the hotel.  They covered every detail masterfully.  Guy and Barbara Steele, who are pivotal in every conference, were not with us physically due to a conflict in schedule, but they were with us in “form”: all the forms, handouts, and printed material were once again produced by them.  We really missed having them at the conference (it’s the first one they’ve missed in the 7.5 years of H.I.M.’s existence) but were thankful for their partnership behind the scenes.  The Tiptons, Musacchios, Ploskers, Hendricks, and Franks also helped in a variety of ways, underscoring the power of teamwork.

Did I mention that Paul baked over 200 of his world famous chocolate chip cookies for the conference?  Two cookies were nicely packaged and placed in each of the goodie bags.  What a guy!!!

From the moment our guests arrived and were greeted by a warmly welcoming registration team, to our final prayer Sunday early afternoon, there was a palpable sense of God’s presence and love.

“We loved how special you made us feel.  Love was in the air, the moment we walked in with heart balloons floating in the air, chocolate at every moment, and a special gift bag full of treats.  Thanks!  We feel so rejuvenated.”  (Evaluation from a couple married 15 years)

Danny and Rayna Oertli lead vital worship and then blessed us with a fabulous concert Saturday night, which featured many songs from Danny’s new CD which will be released in May. Though they can perform, when they lead worship, they are only about helping us meet God through song.  How thankful we are for the humble ways they use their gifts.

“This has been a wonderful, refreshing weekend.  We’re inspired to press on and love each other well.  Rayna and Danny were awesome, as were all the speakers.  Thank you for your transparency and encouragement, Friesens.”  (Couple married 3 years)

Workshops were varied and capably taught by a great team of teachers.  Many positive comments were expressed on the evaluations about the workshops.

“We found the conference extremely helpful.  We're leaving with a lot of great resources on ways to improve our marriage.” (Comment from couple married 20 years) 

The Macraes, as always, spared no expense in creating a welcoming ambience in the meeting room.

It was a treat to hear a number of new songs that Danny has just finished recording in Nashville for his next CD.

The audience was very, very responsive and engaged all weekend.

We couldn’t have asked for a better response to the weekend.  God was so faithful to meet us in unbelievable ways.  Several have written that their marriage was turned around this weekend.  The Body of Christ expanded by at least one, as the long-suffering prayers of a faithful wife were answered when her husband decided to follow Jesus.

Wow!  That kind of stuff is accomplished not by great decorations or teaching or a well planned conference, but by the Spirit of God and we are humbled by His grace.

That night after the conference, North Shore Community Baptist Church hosted a family concert featuring Danny, and about 200 people showed up.  Ryan and Kelly Plosker worked hard to pull of this great evening and it was a wonderful night of celebration of all that is good in the body of Christ.  It was a fitting exclamation point on the end of an amazing weekend.

Danny and Rayna lead worship before performing a concert at North Shore Community Baptist Church on Sunday night, March 6.

Of Football and Princesses

We weren't home long from California (1.5 days to be exact) before we headed back out.  We managed to squeeze in a day of counseling and to wash and repack our suitcases in time for our Wednesday, Feb. 20, flight to Orlando to present a workshop at the Pro Athletes Outreach (PAO) conference.   This annual 4-day conference was started by Norm and Bobbe Evans years ago and has been used by God to spiritually impact NFL players for decades now.  Steve and Lori Stenstrom have now succeeded the Evans in providing leadership for PAO, and working with our own Don (retired Patriot) and Yannette Davis, produced another phenomenal conference.  This year's conference featured plenary speakers Dr. Tony Evans, Miles McPherson, and Francis Chan, and we were challenged and blessed by each of them.

It's a huge honor for us to be invited to be on the workshop team each year.  This year, we spoke on "how to keep your marriage alive while raising kids you like."  The subject obviously hit a chord as our workshop was packed out with very responsive attendees.  It also spawned many sidebar conversations during the remaining days of the conference, as we were fortunately scheduled to present of the first full day of the conference.

It was such a joy for us to reconnect with four current couples from our Patriot's couples' study as well as with at least that many ex-Pat couples.  Every moment of the four days was spent either in sessions or hanging out with friends in the beautiful Omni Resort in Orlando.  The mix of work and play was refreshing.

We came away with a lot, and admittedly, we're still processing—especially the talks given by Francis Chan.  He has an uncanny and consistent way of stirring the water and replacing comfortability with conviction.  His passionate plea to be "all in" for Jesus was lost on no one, and he quite possibly stands alone as the only speaker we've ever heard at PAO who expressed to these NFL players the sentiment, "I feel sorry for you."  He continued to explain why: that because of their status, their wealth, and their being idolized, it will be very difficult for them to fully surrender to Jesus.  He reminded them that their sense of value and worth could ultimately be found in nothing other than Jesus, and that in their arena, they face so much competition for their identity.  He actually wept for the players, as if he really did understand the seductive forces at work to pull them away from the heart of God.  He closed the final evening session by asking everyone to get into a posture of humble surrender - on our knees - and it was an incredibly moving moment to hear the scuffle of chairs and the sounds of 450 people bending their knees to God.  

I was deeply blessed to receive this email from a dear friend after the conference:

"I just wanted to let you know that PAO has  done wonders for us. We have had so many talks since we have been back—more than the last five years . . . lol!!   My husband is really opening up to me—I am loving it. Our relationship actually feels more real now than it ever has.  When you are finally convicted by the Holy Spirit, you just don't shut up!! He has been talking and praying and listening and confessing and repenting since we came back!! I tried sneaking in there a few times that he isn’t flawed alone but I don’t think he even heard me.  I am like,  “God please keep working on me because at this rate my husband will be a saint!!’  I am thankful!!"

Wow!  That's just one piece of evidence that God was at work in a big way at the PAO conference.  Rejoice with us!  We know first hand that when God gets ahold of an NFL player, their natural platform can be used to advance God's purposes in a big way.  Pray for these men and their wives especially, that they wouldn't settle for or be seduced by the temporary things this world offers and defines as successful.

Some of our Bible study couples at the PAO conference.  We had a great time together.

So, you get the football part of this blog’s title, but princess??  What's that about?

The sun had barely set on the PAO conference Saturday night, Feb. 26, and it surely hadn't risen the next morning when I had to rise to join 14,000 "princesses" who would pound out 13.1 miles running in the "Disney Princess Half Marathon."  It was too good an opportunity to pass up, really.  We were in Orlando, and our conference ended just in the nick of time, and my goal of running 2 half marathons a year was lagging . . . so I ran.  It was my first "alone" run, which probably sounds ridiculous, since I've already said there were 14,000 runners.  But my running partner in crime, daughter Lisa, was unable to get out of her work commitments (she's currently the Athletic Trainer for the women's division 1 basketball at JMU, and obviously they're in season), so I ran "alone." 

Sort of. I was able to recruit several Patriot wives to run as well, but, truth be told, I still ran alone.  I didn't want them to set their "personal worst" time by running with me, so I genuinely wished them well and encouraged them to run their race.  I have given that freedom to Lisa in the previous runs we've done and I'm so thankful she's never taken me up on it!  It makes a big difference to run with a motivational coach who can actually run and talk for 13.1 miles and not get winded or sweaty.

Taking the shuttle bus from the Animal Kingdom Lodge at 3:30 am, God did something very special for me.  I sat down next to a woman who I discovered within moments was also running alone.  She was also from New England (CT) and we soon discovered that we had a lot in common, including some mutual friends.  Out of 14,000 women, I would sit next to Heather! I knew that God had orchestrated it.  She was a gift then and I imagine will continue to be in the years to come.

We're ready to run!  My new friend Heather is in the middle.

And so, in the still dark morning, we gathered.  I was quite in awe of the hundreds of princesses who dressed the part!!  There is a high entertainment factor in this run.  Tinkerbell, Snow White, the Fairy God Mother, Ursula, Minnie and Mickey Mouse—they were there in force, contributing to the "eye candy" this event is famous for.

With fireworks brightening the still dark sky and shattering the early morning quiet, the run started at 5:45 am.  Having grown up in SoCal with enough Disneyland exposure to make it one of my favorite places on earth, it was a total blast to run from Epcot to the Magic Kingdom—through the park—with no one but characters and fellow runners.  There was something very magical about running to Sleeping Beauty's Castle with the sun rising behind it, and to be cheered on by Disney's wonderful cast of characters at every turn.

It was about the time I came upon Prince Charming and Cinderella's carriage (which evolved from a pumpkin) at mile 9 that I began developing calf cramps, and suddenly my dreams of a "happily ever after" ending dimmed.  At that point, I was on track to actually set a personal best time, but the last 4 miles were punctuated with calf-stretching breaks.  Thankfully, I was able to finish and wasn't too much slower than my first run.  

Even though I read a t-shirt that read "Princesses don't sweat, they sparkle!!!", I was one sweaty princess on the arm of Prince Charming.  :)

My third half-marathon is now in the history books and I'm already preparing for #4 in Vermont in early June.

I am so thankful to have the physical health to do such things.  I'm not a natural runner and let me assure you, it's not easy for me to run that long.  It's actually posed the biggest physical challenge I've had in my adult years.  And it's produced some really positive benefits for me, physically, spiritually, and mentally.

The big take-away for me from this run is a reminder of how important community is.  That's obviously not a new thought, but I was struck by how much of a difference it made to run this race "alone."  It was so much harder!  I had way too much time to think about how easy it would be to give up when you're alone.  It's become a bit of a joke that I've inspired at least a dozen young women to run, who have new found confidence that they can do a half marathon if I can do one.  Many thoughts paraded through my head that morning that echoed such sentiments.  After all, if I can run a half-marathon at 56, anyone could run one.  There were times during the 13.1 that I really doubted if I could.

But I pressed on, and as the hot Florida sun slowly rose in the sky, I was motivated to finish sooner than later, since it was only going to get harder and hotter.  It was such joy to cross the finish line and have my own Prince Charming awaiting me with a sign and my Patriots travel mug full of ice water.  After the race is over, it doesn't seem so bad at all.  A bit like childbirth, I suppose.  Back to the Animal Kingdom Lodge we went to recover by hanging out in their beautiful pool.  Amazingly, we met up with my new best friend, Heather, and her husband, and spent several hours animatedly discovering each other's life stories.  As I flew back to Boston late that night, I was a tired, but very thankful and fulfilled Princess, with a mind swimming with challenging thoughts and happy memories.  In some ways, it was a happily ever after ending.  At least for now.

My "Prince Charming" was waiting for me at the finish line.  What a guy!!

If it’s Monday, we must be in Placentia . . .

We know we’re back in Bedford because there’s snow on the ground.  And it looks and feels dramatically different that what we were experiencing in California and Florida, which is where we’ve been most of the past 3 weeks.  We’ve had amazing moments with God and with His people in many different places, and our days have been full and our nights short - hence, I’m way behind on getting this blog written.  So fasten your seat belts because we’re going to fly through 1700 miles of driving and speaking 14 times in six different cities in California from Feb. 10 through 20th.

After tying up loose ends from the Gary Thomas Parenting conference (Feb. 5) and seeing a number of our counseling clients, we packed up for a 10-day driving tour in California.  It wasn’t quite the warm, sunny California one normally finds in mid-February in this garden state, but it was amusing to us to hear Californians lament the “freezing cold weather” they were having to endure.  :)  Having left 5’ of snow on the ground and temps in the single digits, you can imagine our lack of sympathy.  Though it was quite spectacular to see the snow-topped mountains behind Pasadena—a very unusual sight.

We arrived in Orange County late Thursday night and settled in to our home base for the next 10 days, hospitably opened to us by our dear friend, Wendy Turney.  Her “B and B” is charming and exceeded only by her.  We love to spend time with this great lady and each night we were there, we chatted way late into the night.  Good therapy for the soul.

The weekend conference for the Desert Vineyard Church (located in the Lancaster/Palmdale area) was held in Westlake Village and launched Friday evening.  Long time friends from Campus by the Sea had spearheaded the invitation for us to speak at their annual conference, and we’re so glad they did.  We fell in love with the heart of this church and were incredibly impressed with their senior pastor and his wife, David and Nancy Parker.  The church serves a community racked by gang violence, broken families, and a high incidence of substance abuse issues.  Their commitment is to be Jesus with flesh on to this very hurting population and to love them into the Kingdom.  From the top down, it was apparent that they are doing just that, and we found it refreshing to be with a large group of people who really know what is it to be the recipients of God’s grace and forgiveness.  They seemed to truly grasp that He is their only hope.

Our sessions with them were very well received and we had some great interaction with a number of couples.  It was a great start to our trip and a true honor to partner with this vitally Christian group.

Tom and April Garcia got the ball rolling on our partnership with Desert Vineyard, and Crystal and Brian Roseborough made it happen.

Tom and April Garcia got the ball rolling on our partnership with Desert Vineyard, and Crystal and Brian Roseborough made it happen.

Senior pastor David Parker and his wife Nancy were delightful.  Our lives have followed a very similar path and we felt a real kinship with them.

We drove to San Marcos on Sunday afternoon after the conference to take Julie out for a Valentine’s dinner (since it was a bit far for Derek to do the honors). We got to see her newest living situation, chat with some of her colleagues and friends at PT school (where they were studying), and had a nice dinner together before returning to Wendy Turney’s B and B.  We feel so blessed by every opportunity to hang with our kids.

Valentine’s Day was full of love.  :)  It started with a breakfast reunion with our longest mentoring couple, John and Grace Tebay.  How we treasure time with these saints!  Now in their late seventies, they continue to teach us how to live fully surrendered lives for Him.  Their lives are so winsome:  full, content, purposeful, making a difference.  What gifts they are to us!  Breakfast passed all too quickly—and then it was time for lunch, with more Tebays.  This time we met up with their youngest son, David, and his wife, Carrie.  David is the senior pastor of Calvary Church of Placentia—the church his father pastored for 50 years—and is also one of our CBS family camp speakers.  It was great to catch up with them and to get set for our evening at their church.

Speaking that night at their Valentine’s Couples’ Night Out was an incredible gift to us.  It has been years since we were in that church which was the site of many significant moments in our family history.  Paul was commissioned into ministry at Calvary Church of Placentia in 1972 by Pastor John and the elders.  His father’s memorial service was held there in 1983.  His sister Beth’s wedding happened there in 1984.  It was an evening full of nostalgia and reminders of God’s faithfulness to us through the years.  Many of those in attendance were long time friends and it was so heartening to see them continuing their journey towards the heart of God.  There were three generations of Tebays there, as David and Carrie’s children were part of the serving team.

There were also three generations of Brushwylers there, and that was one of the highlights of the evening for us.  Pam Brushwyler Curlee served on the kitchen staff at CBS in the mid-80’s, and she was “in charge” of the dinner for this Valentine’s event.  We were thrilled to meet her husband and two children and to see her parents, Gordon and Carol.  Pam took the time to let us know how shaping her summers at CBS had been for her spiritual growth, which was very humbling for us to hear.  It was a night full of gifts to our souls.  Another CBS couple, Herb and Karen Huitt, were also there. They are such tributes to the blessings of perseverance even when things don’t go exactly as you’ve envisioned them.  We’ve traveled many roads with Herb and Karen over the years, and God’s faithfulness again is the theme of our friendship with them.

It was a great night.

Our late night was great too as we strategically drove to Santa Clarita during non-traffic hours (if there is such a time in SoCal!) and spent the night with our close friends, David and Cherylyn Hegg.  We’re always inspired by them; we love their hearts and feel very in sync with them as ministry partners, parents of adult children, and grandparents.  We talked too late for ones our age, but it was well worth a slightly higher level of fatigue the next day.  After a great early morning breakfast, we hit the road northbound to “Brandon-land,” aka Sacramento.

At the Calvary Church Valentine’s Couples Dinner. John and Grace Tebay, Herb and Karen Huitt, and David and Carrie Tebay sat with us.

Of course we love being with Gabe and Kari, but we all know that they don’t change much in a month, so our focus of course is the rapidly changing one, Brandon.  At five months, he’s full of smiles and curiosity.  He still has met no stranger.  He’s learning to use his vocal chords and is discovering that he can move to get what he wants.  The miracle of birth and growth amazes us anew as we watched this little guy develop.

Five-month-old Brandon has no trouble sporting a toothless grin.  :)

Way too soon after arriving in Sacramento, we “went to work.”  We spoke at BOSS Remix that night, wrapping up their annual series on “God Loves Sex” and were honored to do so.  We’re humbled to partner with Gabe and Kari in that vital ministry and love rubbing shoulders with their students.  So many of them are hearing for the first time about God’s design for their sexuality, and their hunger for truth is refreshing.  We followed the evening meeting with late night burritos around Gabe and Kari’s kitchen table, squeezing all we could out of our short but wonderful visit.

Students at Remix listen intently to our talk on God’s design for sexuality.

Kari takes a break from the book table to mug with one of her “girls.”

Early Wednesday morning, Feb. 16, we headed to north Sacramento for breakfast with some of our best friends, Ray and Carol Johnston, before speaking to a moms group at Bridgeway Church.  It’s always so much fun to speak to such groups as it’s so unusual for a man to address them. Paul’s perspective is always appreciated and it was a very positive morning.

I’m not sure who does our scheduling :) but we had to be in San Luis Obispo by 6:30 that night for a 7 p.m. speaking engagement, so with only a brief stop in south Sacramento to give Brandon another hug and kiss, we zipped off to SLO.  What a beautiful drive!  The rains had greened the hillsides and bright blue skies dotted with puffy white cumulus clouds filled the backdrop.  We really did enjoy the journey.

Our evening meeting was at Grace Church, whose family pastor, Ken Peet, invited us to speak to parents and teens on God’s design for sexual purity.  The turnout was huge and the attentiveness of the audience was spectacular.  It was a great evening and according to Ken has spawned many good interactions since.  What fun for us to go back to Lisa and Julie’s old stomping grounds!  In spite of a very short stay, we managed to have bbq tri-tips at Firestones and frozen yogurt at Bali’s.  :)  We also had a wonderful visit wit Jan and H.A. Northington, who graciously provided a place for us to stay that night.

The students and their parents are listing qualities they think will be important in a mate.

We were up early (there is a theme) and off to Pismo Beach for a consulting meeting before continuing south all the way to San Diego, stopping at San Marcos en route to pick up Julie for a night at the theater.  A true highlight of our trip was going to see “The Wizard of Oz” on stage that night.  Philip Northington, a long time friend who grew up as a family camper and now is part of the cast of this traveling show, invited us to be his guests and we had a lovely evening.  Since Phil didn’t perform that night, he got to sit with us and share his insider tips on the show.  It was really fun to be with him.

My mom, Julie, and Phil at the theater for a great stage production of “The Wizard of Oz”

We were on the move again Friday (shocking!) from San Diego back to Orange County for a family conference at The Rock in Yorba Linda.  By now it really was “If it’s Friday we must be in Orange County . . .” on this a-different-city-almost-every-day tour!!!  This conference was arranged by Brent and Melissa Slezak, a sweet family who attend CBS family camp.   Friday night was another teen-parent evening dealing with issues of purity and working together as families towards that end.  It was a really good evening and we were very impressed with the mature behavior of the teens and the receptivity of all.  The next morning, we were back at the church to do a parenting seminar, and that also went very well.  Many of the couples in attendance are CBS family campers who look very different “dressed” for proper society.  We took this photo as proof that their wardrobe does include more than shorts, bathing suits, and flip flops.  :)  We loved being with them at the half-way mark between family camps.

Families at “The Rock” who also attend family camp at CBS were very supportive of the parenting seminar.

After reconnecting with another set of treasured mentors in our lives, Bob and Carol Kraning, and visiting with Paul’s sister Carol and her family in Brea, we went back to Wendy Turney’s for the final night in SoCal.  Sunday morning we attended Mariners Church with friends.  It was a treat to introduce two very special couples to one another.  They both attend Mariners, but would likely have never met each other, given the size of the church.  Both couples are really close friends of our Lisa’s (and ours!) and we think they’ll enjoy each other.  The time at church and at our last Mexican lunch for awhile was delightful.

Back to Wendy Turney’s to pack and fly home.  This picture of me and Wendy by the blooming lemon tree proves that our location is not in Boston.  With solar batteries recharged and hearts full and overflowing with gratitude for safe travels (over 1500 miles driving) and great experiences in six different cities and venues, we jetted up to San Francisco for one last treat before returning to Boston.

Wendy’s hospitality was over the top, making us feel very, very loved.

Our final treat was having dinner with our dearest friends, John and Marilyn Nugent.  Now residents of San Francisco, they zipped over to the airport to take advantage of our three-hour layover.  Over a leisurely dinner, we caught up on what God is doing in each of our lives and added more ballast to our cherished friendship.  It was the perfect ending to a very satisfying and successful trip.

Outside the SF airport, we grab some moments with our dear friends John and Marilyn Nugent.

And so the sun sets on a fabulous trip.  And it’s back to the snow piles . . . but not for long!

Sacred Parenting

Gary Thomas speaks . . .

. . . and people listen.

“The days are long, but the years are short.”

With that, Gary Thomas opened dialogue with a room full of parents seeking Godly wisdom on parenting.  Returning to New England to speak for the second Home Improvement Ministries conference in 15 months, Gary imbued a cold, wintry Saturday with tremendous value as he taught on this critically important subject.

Gary is profound.  In the midst of a Christian culture wanting easy answers, formulas and quick fixes, Gary teaches from a completely different perspective. The tagline on his best selling book Sacred Parenting reads “How raising children shapes our souls” and that casts the trajectory of his insightful teaching. “One of the greatest gifts a parent can give children is personal holiness” is the distilled truth which ran throughout his three sessions.

“The question isn’t 'How can we make them behave?' but 'How should I behave so they'll want to behave well?'”  Again and again, Gary emphasized that God's design in parenting is not just about shaping the next generation, but about sanctifying parents.

Many parenting guides subscribe to the truth that parents who walk their talk are more believable and impacting and that you can't pass on what you don't have.  While Gary's teaching is not inconsistent with these truths, the outcomes are still measured by the next generation and as important as that is, it's still not the focus of sacred parenting. “Are we growing ourselves so our children will benefit?” he posited during the opening session.

That radically different approach is what makes Gary Thomas' teaching so life changing.  Following the conference, one parent wrote  in:

The H.I.M. parenting conference far exceeded our expectations! Gary Thomas exhorted us to “parent out of reverence for God” and to embrace every minute, because the time we have with our kids is short! He also encouraged us to give the best gifts we can to our kids and those are: parents who model a growing walk with Christ and parents who prioritize their marriage relationship. The workshops were also excellent, full of great practical advice and encouragement! This event was a huge boost for our family! Thank you for putting it on!
            —Sacred Parenting Conference 2011 Attendee

Besides three rich, deep, and challenging sessions with Gary, a wide spectrum of workshops were offered.  Workshops were presented by eight different teaching couples—including an NFL player, the founder and headmaster of a private school, a cardiologist, a family practice doctor married to a software engineer who homeschool their 4 children, a senior pastor with six adopted children, a junior high pastor, an executive pastor, and a licensed social worker.  The workshop topics included media, homeschooling, teenagers, teaching your kids about sex, passing on your faith, being godly parents when you had none, balancing life and parenting when both parents work, and getting it going in the right direction with young children.  It was a privilege for us to work with such a strong team of highly-credentialed and successful people whose highest commitment is sacred parenting.

The workshop leaders introduce their topics. Each workshop was offered twice and much positive feedback was received on the excellent job done by these highly qualified teachers.

Once again we were so grateful for a tremendously servant-hearted team who staffed the conference.  Sue Martis and Barbara Steele managed the event, from publicity to registrations to on-site execution, and Jim Martis of MJM Catering took care of the food.  They had a great group around them who sold books, arranged food, directed traffic, welcomed and registered attendees, and kept the day going.  The folks at Calvary Christian Church were stellar.  Partnering with them has been such a gift.  Their belief in what we do is greatly encouraging to us personally and offering their facility is a gift.

Part of Jim and Sue Martis' team who prepared lunch.

At day’s end, our only regret was that every seat at Calvary Christian Church wasn't filled.  For those who didn't make it a priority to be there, it was a lost opportunity.  For those who did, they left changed, charged, and blessed with renewed hope, passion, and vision for this very sacred journey of parenting.

At the end of the day, we paused to thank the Lord for His presence which filled every aspect of this conference and for this great group of volunteers and H.I.M. Board members who sacrificially served to make it happen.  We are blessed beyond words.

January has run out of days

As the snow falls steadily outside our warm house, adding another 20 or so inches on top of the 3' already on the ground, we are thrilled to be “figures in a snow globe” here rather than enjoying warm weather and just reading about yet another wintry blast hitting  New England.  It is true: we love snow—and hopefully have enough pleasure in it to counterbalance the unwelcome reception this snow is getting from the majority of people in these parts.  Not that we’re unsympathetic or unaware of the hardship this poses to many, but we can either be sad, mad, or glad about it and it won’t change the reality that we can’t control the weather!  That’s probably a good reminder to the many who pompously believe we are in charge!

Backing up a bit, I did miss the big storm of Jan 11–13 (but Paul didn’t! And yes, he’s done lots of hand shoveling!!) as I scooted out of town to surprise Lisa on her 28th birthday.  It was so much fun because it was a total surprise, thanks to one of Lisa’s housemates, Annie, who picked me up in Charlottesville and delivered me to their house literally 5 minutes before Lisa got home from work.  I actually almost gave her a heart attack when she walked in since I was lurking in the darkened hallway outside her bedroom, attempting to position myself in a place that would have made for a happy surprise rather than a terrifying moment of her thinking an intruder was hunched in front of her door.  She screamed, loud enough to waken the dead—or at least to make her upstairs housemates think  she was being attacked—and in the end, we all laughed ’til our sides ached and Lisa just kept repeating, “I can’t believe you’re here!”  Great (and slightly terrifying) memories.

I had the privilege of spending 2.5 days shadowing her world and I loved every minute of it.  I got to meet her athletes, her colleagues, hang with her housemates, watch her team play (and beat Drexel women in OT).  We got to do a bit of after Christmas shopping, ate some great meals, and did a few runs together (my half-marathon Feb. 27 is looming.)  We test-drove the car she was considering buying and we stayed up late every night, chatting with her housemates, on subjects trivial to life-changing.  It was wonderful in every way—and all too quickly was over.  

Lisa’s  birthday dinner of sushi at “Beyond,” a great restaurant in Harrisonburg.

Back to Boston I flew Friday night in time for Saturday’s all-day marriage conference at Community Chapel in Nashua, NH.  Pastored by Geoff DeFranca, this second annual conference is an expression of where his heart beats.  Geoff has a vision for building into marriages and families in his congregation, so the Saturday conference was flanked by sermons from the pulpit on the same subject.  We are growing to love this church and loved partnering with them for the second January in a row.

We went straight from Nashua to Boxborough, NH, for the sixth annual Mid-Winter Family Getaway.  Sixteen families chose to spend the Martin Luther King Jr. three-day weekend this way and none regretted doing so.  The weekend is low program and high family fun time in a pool-centered way.  Each morning and each night, families worshiped together led by Brian Dietz, and then had devotions together, led by Paul.  We love this weekend because it affords families the opportunity to do life together, from playing to praying.  It was really encouraging for us to see the older children (there were bonafide teenagers attending) playing with and mentoring the younger ones (all the way down to 2-year-olds.)  

The low point of the weekend for all was the Jets-Pats game Sunday afternoon.  What a time for the team to not show up.  It was really hard to see our guys not play their game, especially because it fed the verbal vitriol of the other team.  Tough loss.  But fortunately, in the scope of life, it’s just a game.  Really . . . it is.

The families at the Mid-Winter Getaway worship together under the direction of Brian Dietz.

Home for a couple of days, we counseled for a full day and caught up on life a bit.  We shared some great meals with our houseguests, Al and Bonnie Magill, whose treatments at Mass General were disrupted by equipment failure, extending their stay until the end of January.  

And then I left town again.  :)  Uncannily, I left just before another big storm hit—and I had to settle for reports from first-hand witnesses, which included Paul.  I joined our three daughters and Brandon in San Diego for a wedding prep weekend and we had a great and productive time.  Joined by our very dear friend Wendy Turney on Friday, we narrowed the search for the wedding dress to a few, and joined by another very dear Wendy (Offield) on Saturday, we made the purchase.  We also packed in a visit to the wedding venue, Grace Baptist Church in Santa Clarita, where we were joined by several of the girls’ cousins, and we bought the bridesmaids’ dresses.  All the while, Brandon was proving his worthy appointment as the only male allowed on this girls-only soiree...He couldn’t have been easier.  And he was the only thing that rivaled the center-stage attention focused on the bride-to-be, who was more than happy to share the spotlight with him.

Brandon was happily allowed to crash the girls-only wedding shopping trip.

Three sisters and a baby—the smiles tell it all!

Our home base for this very special weekend was in San Diego at my parents’ new condo, so an added delight was having Brandon meet his maternal great-grandparents and several aunts, uncles, and cousins.  A Sunday afternoon gathering was hosted by my sister Lucy, providing a great place for mingling and eating.

Great Grandma Collins has a happy moment with Brandon, who thinks she’s very funny.

Getting ready to go to the airport, we pose for a rare photo of four generations.

I returned home late on Tuesday night, Jan. 25,and  we counseled all day Wednesday—and prepared for another storm.  As the snow fell,  we shared our last night with Al and Bonnie, as he had graduated from the treatment program that day.  We got them underway Thursday, the 27th around noon, sending them off with thanksgiving for a great almost three months together and trusting that the proton radiation treatment was effective.  We look forward to reconnecting with them in the months and years to come.

Al and Bonnie are packed and ready to return to upstate New York, where they’re supposed to have lots of snow!

Before we flew to Georgia on Friday, the 28th, we had the joy of meeting up with a very long time friend who serves as the assistant head coach for the FSU (Florida State University) women’s basketball team.  Cori Close grew up coming to Campus by the Sea with her family and has consistently and faithfully followed Christ throughout her life.  Still single (but very open to marriage!), she has been used by God to encourage and mentor countless women, on and off the basketball court.  Cori came to town with her team to take on the BC women, and we not only had a great visit with her before the game, but we got to see her in action as she helped coach her team to a win over the Eagles.  It was really fun to be there, and it’s always good to see the team you’re rooting for win,  but that was nothing compared to the joy of reconnecting with this quality, godly young woman.  It makes us smile to think of the fortunate girls who are being coached by her — for what it means for them as basketball players, and even more for what it means for their lives long beyond the court. 

We flew to Rome for the weekend.  Rome, Georgia, that is.  :)  Our second trip to those parts in four months, we returned to speak for a marriage conference hosted by First Presbyterian Church.  Their family pastor, Tommy Overton, graduated from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary around 2000 and our connections were minimal then.  Over a year ago, our dear friends and ministry partners, Nate and Jeannie King, moved into the same neighborhood as the Overtons in Rome and eventually made the “we know the Friesens” connection.  That planted the seeds for our speaking at this conference.

We’ve just returned from that conference and we’re still a bit floaty.  It was just that kind of a weekend.  A sold-out crowd (with twice as many coupes as they had originally booked for), great response, great interaction, beautiful place, perfect weather, and significant “hand of God” insights/moments.  We really felt met by God.

The conference planning committee

Additionally, it was just a gift to hang out with Nate and Jeannie and their precious little crew of four.  We’re never far from remembering what a privilege it is to journey through life with families like these, whose lives are so focused on becoming all God wants them to be.  Nate and Jeannie are being used by God to make such a difference in their children’s school, several churches, and a few ministries, all with the purpose of strengthening marriages and families.  We’re loving seeing what God is doing in their lives!

After the conference ended, we visited the Butterfly Garden within Callaway Gardens (which is where the getaway was held) with Nate and Jeannie.

And now we’re home, shockingly for just over a week.  Our H.I.M.-sponsored parenting conference this weekend, featuring Gary Thomas, will keep us busy the balance of this week, and then we head back to California on February 10.  

On the family front, Kari and Gabe are experiencing the small scale trauma of Brandon’s first cold.  Fortunately, no one is worried that he’s at risk of “failing to thrive”—all 18-plus pounds of him!  He marked his five-month birthday on Saturday and is starting to sit up and to “talk”, sometimes at an irritating decibel level.  They’re loving being parents and are learning to juggle the family/work balance.

Lisa bought a car.  After much deliberation and a lot of research (aided by our dear, stewardship-driven friend Marilyn), she drove out of the lot last night in a new Hyundai Elantra.  She is beyond excited and thankful for this means of transportation and symbol of adulthood.  She hopes to be driving it 10 years from now.

And Julie is knocking out PT school.  Not that she’s counting, but only 42 days remain in this four-days-a-week trimester.  It’s the last highly academic (and intensely demanding) one of the course.  Derek and wedding plans are the other two time fillers in her life.  We are really proud of the perseverance she is demonstrating as she moves towards completing her doctor of physical therapy.

It’s been such a joy for me to be with all of the girls this month.  We just really like being together and those times are fewer and farther between.  We don’t take any of these moments for granted.

The final pictures need no explanation.  The first was taken on our back porch, which hasn’t been cleared of snow this month, so the 3-foot-deep untouched bank of snow was too tempting.  Someone had to do it—and in the absence of the three snow angels who grew up in this home, their father took the plunge.  There are some benefits to having this much snow.  :)

It’s a new year!

1-11-11

Hopefully that’s what we’ll be saying after the Pats meet the Jets this Sunday at Gillette.  :)

As our attention turns to a huge nor’easter snowstorm approaching New England and the Pats preparing for the play-offs this weekend, we’re very aware we’re not in Hawaii anymore.  There are a few other reminders as well, like the sub-freezing temps, the piles of dirty snow left over from the post-Christmas storm, and Dunkin’ Donuts stands on every corner.  We’re home—briefly—and our warmth is driven by memories of a wonderful vacation in Hawaii with Gabe, Kari, and Brandon.

Our days on the Big Island, made possible by the generosity of one of our dearest friends who loaned us her condo in Kailua-Kona and lots of frequent flyer miles accrued by our extensive travels, were nothing short of delightful.  Though having a 4-month-old along insured that every day wasn’t filled with early morning to late evening activities as per our normal “vacation” pace, we packed a surprising amount of exploration and discovery into our 8 days there.  One day, we drove up the Kohala Coast and spent several hours on Hapuna Beach as well as Mauna Kea Beach, thrilling to see some humpback whales breaching as they migrated past us.  We drove the Saddle Road to Hilo (a first) and loved seeing multiple waterfalls, gorgeous flowers, and farmers’ markets.  We drove down the east coast of the island to the “end of the road” where volcano Kilauea had buried the town of Kalapana under 75' of lava almost 20 years ago and were amazed to see green growth randomly popping up from the unfriendly lava fields.  Later that evening, we watched Kilauea’s deep orange glow and scalding steam arise as we stood on the crater’s rim.  One day we hiked down to Captain Cook’s memorial, on a very rigorous, broken-lava-strewn, uneven, and toe-catching 2-mile semi-pathway, which was hard to go down (1300' drop in 2 miles), and even harder to go up.  Brandon was the only one who thought it was a blast as he rode in his “Jeep” front pack being worn by his devoted dad.  The snorkeling in Kealakekua Bay was worth it all, admittedly, and yes, we would do it again.

We swam, played tennis and ping pong, Rummikub and Nickel, went to the pool, sipped iced Kona coffee and frozen lattes, savored papayas, pineapples, avocados, and samples at Costco, slept in, napped, watched the wonders of the sea-world (including spouting and breaching whales and sea turtles bellying up to the fresh sushi bar) and the wonders of volcanoes, past and present.  Most of all, though, we passed Brandon around.  He was definitely the star of the show.  Even breaching whales don’t compete with the gift of watching this little guy grow up before our very eyes.  And though I risk sounding like an incurably prejudiced grandma (guilty as charged), he was very easy to be around with his low-key, content, sweet disposition.  

Four month old Brandon is dressed and ready for the surf.

Sporting his Red Sox hat, Brandon and Kari take a walk on Hapuna Beach.

At Honaunau, we couldn’t get enough of these sea turtles who were enjoying “fresh sushi in the sea.”

Down the challenging path to Captain Cook’s memorial, we all snorkeled in Kealakekua Bay and marveled at the stunningly beautiful undersea world.

Back up that awful trail from Captain Cooks, Gabe suppresses his masculine pride to don Kari’s nursing apron to provide protection for Brandon’s fair skin.

Hilo provided some gorgeous waterfall sightings.  Here we pose in front of Pe’e Pe’e Falls.

Gabe stands on the lava formed coastline on the southeastern shore of Hawaii, and is mesmerized by the power and fury of the ocean.

Brandon enjoys the sunset at Honaunau on our last evening together.

This is really what it looked like.  Breathtakingly beautiful, we didn’t leave until the last rays of sun were swallowed up by darkness.

Brandon and his Grandpa exchange smiles as they relax together on the couch.

It’s hard to imagine how the days could’ve been better.  We were blessed in a big way to have these days together, being renewed and refreshed by being in such an extraordinary place.  

The red-eye flight home dimmed some of the glow, but not much.  We were so thankful to get home Friday morning, since a very big weekend was in the wings.

Saturday morning, Jan 8, we were leading Engagement Matters for 12.5 couples.  Along with the resource team of Ryan and Kelly Plosker and Doug and Julie Macrae, we agreed that it was one of the best weekends ever.  Not sure how to qualify that, except to say that we all had great interaction with the couples, who were open, engaged, and taking it all in.  They seemed to be there with hearts to seriously consider truth that would impact their thinking regarding making “the second most important decision of life.”  We continue to love this event and pray that God will use it to change the world through at least a few of these future marriages.

That evening we had the privilege of being a part of Matthew Steele and Stephanie Chin’s wedding reception.  The wedding had occurred earlier in the day, while we were involved with Engagement Matters (EM), but we were so honored to join the festivities at Hei La Moon Restaurant in Chinatown and have Paul serve as emcee for the evening, as well as pronounce a blessing on Matt and Steph at the evening’s close.  It was purely a joyful occasion.  Matt and Steph, who met as undergrads at MIT, both have sincere hearts for the Lord and are committed to honoring Him with their lives, now together.  The merging of their two cultures appeared seamless as they included traditions from both of their backgrounds.  In all, it was a beautifully God-honoring celebration, and a very fitting end to our day.  Matt and Steph had gone through EM a year ago and it felt like a “graduation” of sorts to witness their entry into the covenant of marriage.

With Mr. and Mrs. Steele (times two!) at the reception.

Though we arrived home very late, we got enough sleep to fuel us through the second day of EM, which wrapped up around 3:30 Sunday afternoon.  Some of the comments participants wrote on their evaluations:

“It helped us to bring up and clarify some things we hadn’t discussed and has helped us to grow closer and communicate more effectively”

“Confirmed that problems are real”

“There is a lot to do!  But God’s grace and redemptive nature is so comforting”

“We are getting closer to not getting married.  This has helped us figure this out.  We have seen that we have too many differences.  It raised questions about our relationship we had not faced.”

“It has helped me realize I am marrying a great man.” 

After Engagement Matters concluded, we went on to church for the 5 pm service, and then home to crash.

Monday was actually even longer as we counseled from 8 am to 7:30 pm, virtually break-less, and then went into a H.I.M. Board Meeting.  It was so good to be with our board.  We love each of them so much and are so thankful for their continuing commitment to this ministry in general, and to us personally.  We value their input, insights, and gifts, all of which bring diversity and more depth to the table.  The months ahead are very full of traveling and speaking and we’re raring to go!

Julie’s days in Uganda were very sweet, until Derek’s locked car was broken into right before New Year’s, and they were robbed of all the electronics in the car.  They lost iPods, Kindles, cameras, FLIP video, and Julie’s Blackberry, as well as Julie’s backpack containing her travel Bible, journal, and school work.  That was a real bummer, but they handled it well and chose to be thankful that they still had their irreplaceable things (their lives) and that the pictures in their minds would have to suffice.  It hasn’t been an easy transition back for Julie as she begins her 5th trimester of grad school and their wedding date of August 21 seems very far off at this point, but we’re praying her through each day.

Lisa is meeting herself coming and going as the women’s basketball season heats up, but she’s really enjoying taking care of her 11 players.  In her spare time, she’s trying to buy a car to replace “Olga,” her 1998 bright red with sunroof and leather seats Lincoln Continental whose transmission died just before Christmas.

We’ve launched our second year of reading through the Bible using D. A. Carson’s For the Love of God as a guide.  We’re both committed to being more His than H.I.M.’s this year.  And I continue training for my next half-marathon, which I’ll run February 28 at Disney World. 

We’re so thankful for life, for health, for family and friends, and for the opportunity to minister in this arena.  A belated happy new year!

Closing Out 2010 (Part 2)

Aloha!  While New Englanders are digging out and enjoying the beauty of God’s creation in the magic of freshly fallen snow, we’re experiencing His creation in a whole different way.  We knew we weren’t in Bedford when we wakened this morning, tossed off the covers—which consisted of a thin white sheet—and stepped outside in shorts and a sleeveless top to take a run.  The sunrise was our reward for getting up early.

The first morning sunrise over the Kailua-Kona coastline was a fabulous start to our day.

Backing up: early on Friday morning, Dec. 10, we flew to St. Louis for our annual visit with Grant and Emily Williams and their daughters.  Though never long enough, we’re grateful for each moment with them.  We’re always so impressed with the Christlikeness of this family.

This was an extra special year as we joined them in the “rite of passage” celebration of Meegan’s 13th birthday.  Inspired by my book Raising a Trailblazer: Rite-of-Passage Trail Markers for your Set-Apart Teens, the Williams family used it as a template for their celebration. Their home was filled with family friends who are journeying with them through life and it was a beautifully done and very meaningful event.  We were so honored to be a part of it.  The celebration dominated the weekend in a wonderful way and though snowy weather which arrived Sunday morning briefly threatened our flight home, with mixed feelings, we were able to make it home that night (or early morning.)

First things first: Mister Paul makes his world famous chocolate chip cookies soon after arriving.

Grant Williams listens as Paul gives his tribute to Meegan.

Home from St. Louis briefly, in the next four days, we lived like crazy people as we finished preparing for Christmas (which meant lots of sewing, a little shopping, lots of baking, wrapping, mailing, delivering, etc.), did lots of counseling, and wrapped up our two Patriots studies.  The wives’ study concluded on Wednesday with a baking session during which we set a record, turning out ten Almond Puff Pastry Christmas wreaths in about an hour.  The women then caught me completely by surprise by tributing me!  Each brought me a gift which represented what I meant to them.  I was totally blown away—and deeply touched.  As I reflected on how reticent I was to lead the group when Betsy Hasselbeck invited me to do so back in the spring, listening to the women express how God had met them through the study was very confirming and affirming.  Driving from Attleboro to Bedford after saying tearful good-byes to an extremely special group of women, I was filled with humble gratitude for God’s faithfulness.

All smiles around the Almond Puff Pastry wreath—before we devoured it!

Another very special part of the morning was having Betsy Hasselbeck showcase 13 beautifully and uniquely wrapped gifts.  We have  admired her gift of creating beauty all fall as we’ve watched her turn a simple snack of fruit and bagels into an almost too-lovely-to-eat presentation.  She can make any ordinary anything extraordinary, so by popular request from the women, she demo’d beautifully and creatively wrapped gifts which elicited ooh’s and ahh’s from everyone.  Very inspirational!

Betsy shows us how to make an adorable presentation of a gift for a child’s birthday.

And here are all 13 gifts she wrapped!  She amazed everyone with her talent.

Thursday night, Dec. 16th, we concluded our 11th season of working with the Pats’ couples’ study.  This has been an exceptional year in many ways as God has filled the gaps left from last year’s group (a number of whom either retired or were traded).  We’ve had five new couples this year who have brought enthusiasm and commitment to the study, and, joined with six veteran couples, we’ve had a great group.  Our grand finale was hosted by Doug and Julie Macrae, who along with the chef from Il Capriccio, Richie Barron, fed us like kings and provided a warm, welcoming, and fun video arcade that resides in the Macraes’ basement.  We enjoyed eating, reading the Christmas story, sharing our favorite Christmas traditions, and the camaraderie which has grown among us these past three months.  It was a wonderful and fitting wrap-up for the year.

And that was it—what got done was done.  I flew to San Diego the next morning to spend four days with my parents and siblings en route to a Sacramento-based Christmas.  It was truly wonderful to be there and to finally lend a hand to help my parents get more settled.  The time was a good mix of work and play.  One of the “play” highlights was a family get-together hosted by my sister Sue and her husband Ed.  After a yummy dinner, we gathered in the family room and “jammed” on the piano, trumpet, and slide trombone a medley of Christmas songs.  I’m not sure there’s anything my dad enjoys more than these such moments, and it was a joy to see him enthusiastically singing and clapping to songs long ago stored in his memory bank.  It was a great evening.

My brother-in-law Ed on trumpet, nephew Frankie on slide trombone, and nephew Chris as the human music stand, lead the way for a festive Christmas sing-along.

My parents are getting more at home in San Diego and are especially grateful to have three daughters living close by.

Once again, the days seemed to evaporate (even though the record-setting rainfall did not!), and before I knew it, I was bound to Sacramento to help grandson Brandon celebrate his first Christmas.

A baby changes everything.

That thought was not lost on us as we delighted in every moment with Brandon—and concurrently reflected on the Baby who really did change everything.  I was once again struck with how easy it is to let everything else go that would compete with devotion to Brandon—and yet how easy it is to shortchange my devotion to the Christ Child in the “tyranny of the urgent.”  I’m not proud of that, and re-ordering my priorities is on my list of new year resolutions.

Brandon is 4 months old today (Dec. 29) and is on a trajectory of growth that foreshadows a possible career in the NFL.  He’s 17# and 26.5#...and very, very strong.  He’s also very easy to get along with.  Quite honestly, he’s spoiling his parents.  :)  And grandparents.  

It was pure joy to spend 4 days together with Kari, Gabe, Lisa, and Brandon in Sacramento.  Though we all missed Julie terribly, she elected to spend Christmas in Mbale, Uganda, with her fiance Derek, taking advantage of her only almost-3-week break from physical therapy school.  She had all of our support.

The Christmas season continues to be my favorite time of year.  I love the decorations, the food, the music, the giving, the colors, the traditions, the warmth, the gatherings.  I love connecting with people via cards, letters, calls, and photos, and catching up annually on ones dear but not near.  I love having an excuse to sew and to bake once-a-year specialties, like gingerbread houses.  I love to remember Christmases gone by, which hold so many sweet memories.

I love that no matter what traditions are created in a given year or are upheld year by year,  the focus on the Christ Child is consistently central and really is the only thing that matters.  Christmas can happen without the gifts, the decorations, the foods, and the gatherings—but it couldn’t happen without the birth of Baby Jesus, who was born to die.  I love reading and hearing read the scriptural account found in Luke 2 of His birth.  I love singing “O Holy Night” with the passion fitting the dramatic musical score framing those powerful words. 

And this year, as I did 30 years ago when our firstborn was 7 months old on her first Christmas, I loved holding a little baby who reminded me that the incarnate Jesus was very, very human as He came into the world in like manner.  That Mary fed him, burped him, changed him, comforted him, rocked him, and held him.  That she loved Him, prayed for Him, and treasured Him.  That her world would never be the same because of that little babe.

We are most deeply grateful that our children have embraced the message of the manger and are living their lives dedicated to Him.  No other gift will ever compete with that.

Gabe reads the Christmas story to Brandon, who’s clearly paying attention!

All dressed up—and off to church we go for the BOSS Christmas Eve service held Dec. 23.

At BOSS, we were thrilled to reconnect with Alton and Danielle Green, cream-of-the-crop family camp staffers.

John and Marilyn Nugent drove over from San Francisco to continue our long-standing tradition of joining us for a Christmas celebration.

We joined Gabe’s parents at their home for Christmas Eve and attended a great service at their home church.  An extended family celebration followed that, with great food and fun fellowship.  Christmas day was spent with Gabe’s grandparents and the whole extended Garcia family and that was also delightful.  Their tradition of having a huevos rancheros brunch is one we’d happily adopt.  The food was fabulous.  Lots of gift opening, eating, talking, and laughing filled out the day before we directed the gingerbread house building party for Gabe’s nieces and nephews.  There was an amazing degree of civility in the process which produced 4 houses and lots of happy children.  

Home from Christmas Eve service, we grab a quick photo before the guests arrive for a lasagne dinner made by Gabe’s mom.

Christmas day at Gabe’s grandparents’ house:  4 generations of Garcias:  Kari, Debbie, Grandma, and Brandon.

The gingerbread house professionals conduct a workshop as Christmas day wraps up.  The tradition continues!

Auntie Lisa couldn’t get enough of Brandon during her short Christmas vacation.

Back to Kari and Gabe’s for yet another Christmas celebration, and a chance to wear our matching jammies. Historically I’ve made matching p.j.’s for the girls, but since Brandon is a boy, we expanded to include the menfolk this year (much to their delight, I’m sure!)  All were good sports. 

Grandpa, Kari, and Brandon model their Christmas jammies...

...while Lisa models her new Patriots sweatshirt.

All too quickly, gifts were unwrapped, food was eaten, and Christmas 2010 became part of history.  The airport runs began the day after Christmas as Lisa returned to VA to tend to the needs of her athletes.  A bunch of digital photos are the only tangible reminders of what had consumed the month of December.

Thankfully, it doesn’t end there.  The story of Christmas is  just the beginning of God’s plan of redemption, which culminates at Easter, with the death and resurrection of the Christ Child.

As we close out 2010, though it’s an end in some ways, it is really just a continuation of a journey towards the heart of God.  We don’t know what 2011 will hold, but we confidently know Who holds it.  Just as the Baby from Bethlehem changed history over 2,000 years ago, He is still changing history today.  O come let us adore Him!

Closing Out 2010 (Part 1)

3.5 month old Brandon is growing like a weed!

Christmas has come and gone, and there are many blog entries from this past month that have not made it beyond my mind.  I’m sure you’re getting as tired of reading (as I am of writing) “Where has the time gone??  It has flown by!”—so I won’t write it again.  But it’s still true.  And I’ve talked with more than a few of you who agree, which is comforting in its own discomforting way.  I know there must be a way to slow things down, but I also know that it’s harder than ever to do so with the pervasive invasion of technological devices that fill in the gaps which previously existed in any 24/7 time period.

We’re in our airborne “office” as we wing our way to the big island of Hawaii for a week plus of R and R, and as is always true, I’m loving the solitude one finds on a flight.  No real interruptions, save an occasional drink cart bumping down the narrow aisle.  Usually when a flight ends, we are launched into a weekend of ministry opportunities, but at this flight’s end, we’ll enter a period of mostly rest.  It’s a very promising way to enter the new year, even though we’re somewhat envious (honestly) of our New England friends who are being buried by a blizzard as we fly into 80 degree sunny skies which frame the crown jewel islands of the Pacific.

Our lives became richer this fall when our dear friend Helen Challener let us know of a couple in her church in upstate New York who would need a place to stay while the husband received proton radiation treatment at Mass General Hospital.  We invited Al and Bonnie to live with us during the 2-3 month process and we have fallen in love with this very dear couple.  We’ve shared many meals together and discovered many areas of compatibility, the most treasured one being our love for the Lord.  Al will hopefully be done with treatments in mid-January, and we’ll bid them adieu, knowing we’ve made life long friends.

Al and Bonnie moved in just after Julie’s engagement and we’ve become fast friends.

These past weeks are blurry in my fatigued mind and body, but memorable nonetheless.  Just before Thanksgiving, I spoke at Barbara Becker’s 6th annual Creative Memories Scrapbooking Weekend held at the Old Sea Pines Inn in Brewster.  To a sold out crowd of (mostly) serious scrapbookers, I spoke four times, and in between talks, did a bit of scrapping myself.  I love this weekend and am so honored to partner with Barbara on it.
  

One of the things that strikes me at this weekend every year is how important memories of people-centered events are to us.  All through the weekend, women work intensely on projects that are all about important people in their lives.  Memories, mostly good but some painful, are captured in artistically rendered settings made with colorful papers and stickers to join pages upon pages of life moments in a book.  These treasured books keep the past alive and preserved for the generations to come.  As I challenged the women, however,  God’s call to us is to thrive in the present.  The enemy’s strategy is to ensnare us in the past, as that will effectively cost us both the present and the future.  We must press to find the balance between the two worlds.

All thirty women broke for a special dinner Saturday night before getting back to the saltmines to scrap.

While I was speaking in Brewster, Paul was speaking in Sandwich.  Mike Allen invited him to give a stewardship charge to the congregation at Lighthouse Christian Fellowship as the culmination of a series he had given.  Paul loves to give and believes in the discipleship commitment of giving, so he happily embraced the call.  Mike later wrote that his congregation committed more financially than ever before. God obviously used Paul significantly.

I drove straight from Brewster to Sandwich, where Paul and I connected, and then on to Gillette Stadium where we joined 65,000 others to cheer the Patriots to a decisive victory over the Colts.  At the dinner in the tunnel afterwards, we had the delight of sitting with Danny Woodhead’s family and talking about our mutual passion for kingdom values, especially related to marriage and family.  That was a definite highlight.

Arriving at Gillette for the Patriots’ dominance over the Colts.

As I’ve said in previous blogs, leading the Patriots’ Wives study this fall has been a joy and a delight.  In addition to doing the study, we’ve had three different baking workshops, featuring jam making, cinnamon rolls, and almond puff pastry.  Just before Thanksgiving, we had fun making cinnamon rolls together.

These Patriot wives show off their “monkey bread,” made with cinnamon roll dough.  It was delicious!

Thanksgiving was different this year, as we headed south to northern Virginia and for the first time in over 30 years, did not find my parents there.  They are adjusting to life in San Diego, and we’re all trying to adjust to life without them on the east coast.  We had a wonderful time with two of my sisters and their families, as well as with Julie.  Lisa was in Cancun.  Tough life.  She assumed the role of interim ATC for the women’s division 1 basketball team at JMU as soon as soccer ended and this was her first gig.  :)  She assures us she missed being with everyone at Thanksgiving—but also admits that it was a pretty nice vacation at an all-inclusive resort for 4 days.

Post-Thanksgiving feast in Sutherland, VA, with my sister Francene, her husband Thom, son Jon, and our bro-in-law David.

Home late Monday, counseling and Patriots Tuesday through Thursday, and then off to California early on Friday.  This time to Monterey, one of the most spectacular seaside towns along the central California coastline.  We filled in for our dear, dear friends, Johnny and Lori Potter, who took leave from their responsibilities as lead pastor to vacation with their children in New Zealand.  John and Marilyn Nugent, Board members for H.I.M. and chosen family friends, drove down from San Francisco to join us for the weekend and that made the whole experience even more special.

We spoke Friday night on marriage to an intimate gathering at the home of Dave and Suzanne Overton.  Loved it.  Saturday we hung with the Nugents, taking walks between rainy spells and exploring the world-reknowned Monterey Aquarium.  Sunday Paul preached at the service, followed by lunch with nine young married couples from Stone Harbor, where we fielded questions about building sacred marriages.  Almost nothing thrills us more than helping couples wrestle with God’s design for marriage. Our time with them was stimulating and very interactive.  We rounded out the day by watching the Pats rout the Jets.  Few in Monterey understood our joy.  :)

At the Monterey Aquarium with John and Marilyn Nugent.

The young marrieds from Stone Harbor chewed on more than lunch as we fielded questions about marriage.

The jelly fish exhibit at the aquarium was spellbinding.

Really!

We stayed through Monday in Monterey, knowing we were returning to more intensity, and thoroughly enjoyed our only dry day.  Tuesday was a travel day and Wednesday we repeated the cycle:  Pats’ wives study, counseling, more counseling, Pats’ couples study, fly out on Friday.

Whew!!  In between the lines, we spent plenty of time getting ready for Christmas:  sewing, baking, making caramel corn, batches of jam, shopping, wrapping, mailing, etc.  Sadly, not as much time preparing my heart.  Fortunately, God’s arms are wide open and His love isn’t determined by my preparation.  As the craziness has squeezed out most of my routines, including quiet times and running, I’ve experienced more homesickness than guilt.  And that’s reflection of His unconditional love and boundless grace.  Wow.

Our Family is Growing!

Paul and I are thrilled and thankful to announce that our youngest daughter, Julie, recently said a very big “yes” to the second most important decision she’ll make.  And as a result, our family will expand in late August 2011 through marriage.

Derek B. Johnson, executive director of the CURE Hospital in Mbale, Uganda, flew to Boston on Friday, November 12, to give Julie the biggest surprise of her life.  Even a malaria diagnosis two days earlier didn’t dissuade this suitor from traveling 22 hours to propose.  Julie suspected nothing, so when her focus caught the familiar looking man holding two roses, and standing at the base of the escalator at the Jet Blue terminal, she was more than surprised.  After an enthusiastic embrace, Derek dropped to his knee and asked Julie to be his wife.

It didn’t take her long to say YES!

Derek had generously invited us to share the moments with them at the airport as photographers, so we were honored to witness this incredibly sacred moment.

After an August wedding, they’ll live in San Diego until Julie graduates with her Doctor of Physical Therapy degree in December.  They’ll then move Mbale, where they’ll continue serving with CURE.

We are amazed by God’s goodness in bringing Derek and Julie together.  Truly, the last thing Julie expected when she bravely flew to Uganda on February 1, 2009, was that God would orchestrate her meeting her future husband.  There’s really no other explanation than the hand of God and we have confidence that He will work out His purposes in their lives individually and together.

None of us have stopped smiling or giving thanks.

Thanks for smiling with us!

Derek waits (im)patiently for Julie to descend.

And on bended knee, he pops the question . . .

She said YES and is still glowing in the night as well as in the day.

After our evening with the Feldhahns ended, we joined them at home for a Martinelli’s toast.

Just over 48 hours later, Julie flies back to Washington DC.  She almost could’ve flown without a plane,  This photo was snapped at 5 a.m. — and that’s not a common 5 a.m. face.  :)

Feldhahns Come to Town

“Putting the Happily Back in to Ever After” was the theme of our (now) annual one-day marriage seminar, hosted by Home Improvement Ministries to serve the greater Boston area.

And many of the over 200 people left the day feeling at least a little closer to that desire.

Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, internationally known for their research data and their publications on the differences between men and women, were well received by the conference attendees.  Jeff and Shaunti spoke at three different sessions, giving important and possibly situation-changing information on how to bridge the gap between the genders.  Paul and I had invited them to speak after spending a day with Shaunti at the Iron Sharpens Iron Women’s Conference held in Connecticut last fall.  Over dinner, Shaunti, Paul, and I talked endlessly together about the passion we share for encouraging marriages.  We were so impressed with Shaunti's genuine, down-to-earth self, that we extended the invitation.  Since she and Jeff met in Boston, coupled with having never spoken in Boston, they were willing to negotiate with us to make it possible.

Though we had really hoped to pack out Calvary Christian Church (our new favorite place for doing conferences because of their great facility and their even greater staff), just over 200 people made it to the conference.  We pushed beyond the disappointment of being undersubscribed and watched God work in amazing ways throughout the day.

Most who attended were local, but we did have a couple in from Johannesburg, South Africa.  Tando and Zama Msoki had been impacted by Shaunti’s books and were able to put together a trip which included running the New York marathon the weekend before.  They were a delight!

Besides hearing the Feldhahns speak during three sessions, we offered multiple workshops during two sessions.  Great feedback was received on the evaluations regarding the variety and quality of the workshops.  We are so thankful for the quality team of workshop leaders we had:  Ryan and Kelly Plosker, Danny and Rayna Oertli, Tim and Sharon Ponzani, Seth and Melanie Bilazarian, Doug and Julie Macrae, and Eric and Joylynn Mello.  All were appreciated!

Worship was lead by Danny and Rayna Oertli, which is always a good thing.  That evening, they did a concert at Calvary Christian Church.  Fans, young and old, were blessed by their unusual talent and the sincerity of their hearts for the Lord.

Jim Martis of MJM Catering provided lunch, which was delicious and served efficiently.

All in all, the day was a great success and encouragement.  One first timer, who also is a seeker, wrote, “We loved it.  We felt very loved and we felt God’s presence.  We’ll be back!”

In addition to all day Saturday, we had a “stand-alone” evening on Friday for those who couldn’t attend Saturday.  Held at the Peabody Marriott, about 75 came out for the evening and the Feldhahns gave us a sampling of Saturday’s seminar.

Tando and Zama Msoki from Johannesburg, South Africa, stand with Jeff and Shauti Felshahn at day’s end.

The workshop leaders introduce their topics.

Julie Friesen, Derek Johnson, Jeff and Shaunti, and Paul and I send the Feldhahns off.

The operations team worked tirelessly all day to make sure everyone was well taken care of.

Danny sings a number of new songs off his next CD, which he plans to record this spring.

The weeks ahead will be full of counseling, Patriot studies, and speaking.  In between, we’ll enjoy the preparation for Christmas and look forward to being with our children and grandson at different points along the way.

Happy Thanksgiving for now.  It’s good to be reminded that thankful hearts stave off entitlement and discontent.  Thanksgiving is really a year-round holiday!  We’re thankful for so much...including you.

Legacy

This past month has provided us with opportunities to be with a number of very special people, including: one of the only people still living who knew and loved Paul’s parents well; a couple who came to us as seekers back in 1999 and who now lead marriage and family ministry in Georgia; a missionary family we did life with from 1992–1994 while we were at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary; a college student we’ve known since she was very young; a family whose mom was a student of ours at GCTS in 1995; and the leadership team of CURE International — a ministry we’ve only been connected to for two years.  Over and again, we’ve been humbled by God’s faithfulness to these whose lives we’ve had a small part in through the years, and we’ve been encouraged to not grow weary in the battle for godly homes.

Backing up to late October, we weren’t home long before we flew to Rome, Georgia, on Oct. 22 for a week of ministry orchestrated by Nate and Jeannie King.  We still haven’t gotten over this precious family leaving New England to return to Jeannie’s roots in Georgia.  Our relationship with them is over a decade old now, and began when they came for premarital counseling back in 1999.  We’ve been so blessed as we’ve watched God draw them more and more deeply into His heart through the years.  We’ve had the privilege of marrying them, of dedicating each of their four children, and of partnering with them in Engagement Matters.  We were blown away when we joined them in Rome for a week and got glimpses into the many and varied ways they are serving the Lord in their community.

To kick things off, we did a day-long parenting conference for their home church, Pleasant Valley South Baptist Church, on Saturday, Oct. 23, and though the turn-out wasn’t “great,” those who came seemed to really appreciate it.  That night, we spoke for a “date night” sponsored by Battlefields Ministry lead by Nathan and Jane Phillips.  The team did a beautiful job of creating a welcoming and romantic setting and we thoroughly enjoyed the evening.  Paul preached at PVSBC the next day, and together we taught all the adult Sunday School classes on marriage.  We really appreciate that church and their ministry in the community.

Date Night sponsored by Battlefield Ministries was yummy.  :)  Nate and Jeannie helped shape this successful evening.

The Kings wisely scheduled nothing else Sunday afternoon so we could have a date with the Patriots.  :)  Watching the game with fellow diehard Pats fans was a treat; there probably aren’t many of them within such close range of the Falcons.

Monday we met with the founders of Battlefield Ministries, Nathan and Jane Philips, and shared hearts which beat so similarly for families and marriages.  That was followed by a lunch meeting with the planning team for the marriage conference we’ll do for First Presbyterian Church of Rome in late January.  Tommy and Priscilla Overton lead that ministry and we had a wonderful time with them.  We’re really looking forward to partnering with them in late January.  That evening we did a parenting seminar for Unity Christian School and met some really wonderful people.

That night, Jeannie arranged for us to stay overnight at Winshape Christian Conference Center. The center, operated on the campus of Berry College by Chick-Fil-A, is as plush and resort-like as Campus by the Sea is rustic and resort-like in a totally different way.  :)  We had a sweet getaway night, enjoyed delicious meals, bicycled around the vast campus all the way up to the “House of Dreams,” and fully relaxed for most of the day.  That night, we met with the Battlefield Ministries team to do the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator with them in the context of team building which was both fun and insight producing.  We love doing stuff like that!

Wednesday a.m., Oct. 27, I spoke to a Mom’s group on parenting and that was delightful.  That night we taught on marriage at First Presbyterian to seed the water for the retreat in January.

Whew!!!  In between the engagements, we hung out with Nate and Jeannie and their precious children. It was a full, rich week of ministry, and we are looking forward to returning to Rome twice in early 2011.  

A highlight for Mister Paul was making chocolate chip cookies with Emi and Cammie, who proved to be able assistants.

We were home very briefly (less than 24 hours — during which time we did the Patriots' couples study) before we were off again, this time by car (and truck.)  Julie had flown in to Boston from California to pay the dentist a visit before starting her first physical therapy internship in Fairfax, Virginia, on Nov. 1.  She’s using one of our cars during her internship, so we drove the ole Camry down while Paul drove a borrowed truck so we could transport some of my parents’ memorabilia back to Boston.  En route to our conference in Elizabethtown, Pennsylvania, we had the privilege of stopping in Lemoyne, PA, to visit CURE International headquarters.  CURE operates eleven pediatric hospitals in strategic places in developing countries (www.cureinternational.org), and Julie volunteered at their Mbale, Uganda, -based hospital in 2009.  We had a wonderful time meeting Dr. Scott and Sally Harrison, the founders and directors of CURE, along with several others on their team.  We’re very impressed with CURE’s vision and with how God is using them to bring hope and healing around the world.

Mark Bush, Sally and Scott Harrison, Julie, and Dale Branter

Our next stop will go down as one of the highlights of 2010.  We reconnected with Barbara Boyd, long time IVCF staff member and developer of InterVarsity’s “Bible and Life” discipleship weekend program.  Barbara was a colleague of Paul’s parents as well as a close personal friend.  She lived with the Friesens for a number of years when Paul was a little guy, so having dinner with her and hearing her memories of Paul’s parents and their family was very, very special.  At 87, Barbara is sharp as a tack and still completely singly focused on walking faithfully with God.  We left thoroughly inspired and so grateful for the gift of a few moments with her.

Paul and Barbara Boyd shared many memories that night.

On we continued to the home of Liz and Steve Lane for our weekend conference at Elizabethtown Brethren in Christ Church.  The Lanes are dear friends from our days at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary (1991-1994) and they invited us to do an all-day marriage conference for their church.  What a joy to be with this dedicated congregation, whose faith background we share through Paul’s Mennonite Brethren heritage.  A large crowd gave up their Saturday to strengthen their marriages and we felt very much at home with them.  That evening, we had the privilege of having dinner with Kathy Stuebing and her son David.  The Stuebings are also friends from our GCTS days, and after dedicating their lives to being career missionaries in Zambia (founding TCCA, a theological seminary committed to training nationals for ministry in Africa), they are now “semi-retired.”  These kindred friends have inspired us for 20 years, and we were so thankful to have an evening to catch up with them.  Unfortunately for us, Kathy’s husband, Rich, was teaching in Africa, so we missed him.

Sunday, Oct. 31, Paul preached at both services and we co-taught all the adult Sunday School classes.  A special delight was having Beth Hendricks and her boyfriend Matt show up for the service, as well as the Stuebings.  It was a reunion of sorts and made us feel very blessed.  It’s SO encouraging to see the faithfulness of God reflected in the lives of “kids” like Beth, whom we’ve known since her young elementary school years.  Now, as a junior in college, she is continuing her pursuit of Christ and is a bright light for Jesus in this very dark world.  And, she’s making very God-honoring relationship decisions.  :)  Way to go, Beth!!!

David and Kathy Stuebing and Beth Hendricks and Matt. We were the last to leave church that Sunday!

After church, we had a lovely lunch with the Lanes and two other couples.  A beautiful table, delicious homemade food, and wonderful fellowship all made it hard to leave!

Going further south, we drove to northern Virginia to connect with my sister Laura and her husband, David, as well as with Lisa and Julie.  The visit was short but sweet.  Julie will live with Laura and David for the duration of her internship which ends Dec. 17, at which time she’ll fly to Uganda for Christmas.  It’s a treat for her to be with them and their very sweet and bouncy dog Maggie.

Maggie isn’t too bouncy dressed up as a lobster for Halloween.  This is her statue pose, aka “I’m humiliated and will not move until you disrobe me!”  She’s adorable!

We headed home the next day with a truck full of treasures from my parents’ life, and our 8-9 hour journey took 12 hours due to a truck fire which closed the highway on which we were traveling for 2.5 hours.  Fortunately it was a gorgeous fall day.  Unfortunately I was reminded of how impatient I am, especially when “wasting” time. :(  Always so much room for growth!

November’s opening days were filled with counseling and Patriots’ events.  After study on Wednesday, I taught the women how to make jam.  I guess you could say we had a jam session.  :)  That time has become a highlight of each week for me.  I love these women and feel so privileged for the opportunity to grow with them.

Our Charleston conference had been scratched  several weeks earlier so we had an unprecedented “free” weekend which also coincided with my 56th birthday.  To celebrate, we chose to go to Long Island to meet up with JMU’s women’s soccer team to watch the athletic trainer.  :)  It was post-season play, and JMU upset Hofstra for the CAA title game, giving them a berth in the soccer sweet sixteen tournament the next weekend.  We loved meeting Lisa’s team and coaches and thoroughly enjoyed watching the game.  Since our girls played field hockey, basketball, and lacrosse, we’re true novices when it comes to soccer.  And I must admit that we’ve always felt it seemed like a LOT of work for very little reward (most soccer scores seem to be in the 1-0 range) and therefore boring.  We stand corrected!  The games were anything but boring and we were thrilled to be there.

We managed to take a family outing Saturday afternoon (Nov. 6th)  when Julie joined us.  Our walk along Fire Island was perfect and we were so thankful to have a few hours together.

A brisk walk along the beach of Fire Island was a perfect celebration of my birthday.  Julie and Lisa are flanked by Paul and me.

Back home for an actual stretch of time....for the first time this fall!  As we “settled in” (read: sorted mail, swept away cobwebs and dust bunnies, attacked stacks of neglected paperwork, etc.), we had time to reflect on the joys of the previous three weeks.  So many encounters with significant people in our lives, spanning the whole of Paul’s life (Barbara Boyd lived with Paul’s family when he was a baby), to the past couple of years . . . and we have been reminded that we are blessed beyond words.  And we’re so, so sure that He is in how we are spending our lives.  Knowing that helps us sleep very well at night.

What's there not to celebrate?

A picture’s worth a thousand words: Matthew expresses well the joy of a gorgeous fall day, perfect for apple picking.

Is there a better time in New England than Fall?  Daily, for weeks now, we’ve been served up a kaleidoscope of color in an ever-changing landscape and we have delighted in every moment of it.  Fall is such an energizing time of year — even as it ushers in the (sometimes) bleak winter months, which occupy about four times as much calendar space as does the autumn.  Still, the joys of this time of year re-charge our batteries and launch us into the coming season fully satiated and more deeply aware of the majesty of God as seen in creation.

In celebration of Matthew’s birthday, we managed to carry on the tradition of apple picking for the 20th Fall in a row.  The perfect day for one of our favorite fall activities included picnicking in the pumpkin patch, picking lots of apples, interacting with small farm animals, playing in the hay maze, and indulging in fresh apple crisp a la mode to wrap up in the festivities.  Definitely a quintessential New England autumn day.

Fun was had by all . . .

Our plans to fly to Arizona after our apple picking venture on Oct. 8 were changed when the church which had booked us to do a conference canceled just over a week before the event.  Ouch!  We were very disappointed, but they felt they had to postpone the conference due to low registrations.  But suddenly, we had a weekend “off” and since that doesn’t happen very often, we decided to  “make lemonade” and use the flexibility creatively.  We started the weekend with a date with our dear friends and ministry partners, Guy and Barbara Steele.  It had been way too long since we had been able to just relax with them so it became a gift to ourselves to have dinner together that Friday night.  We are SO thankful for them — we couldn’t do half of what we do without them — and that night reminded us that we love hanging out with them even when we're not partnering on a project for H.I.M.  Great time.

Saturday was a combination of more of our (my) favorite things:  yard-saling with a very dear friend, continuing the cleaning/sorting/purging process in our house, and having a good long visit with another very dear friend, Patty Benes, who was back in the hospital.  Though we hated to see her there, it was great to catch up with her.

Sunday, we went to church!!  We love to go to church and seldom “get” to go sit in the pews.  It was good to be “fed” and to connect with many dear friends.  As we entered church, we were followed by an elderly woman whose face I recognized, but was so out of context it took me a few moments to identify.  Suddenly overwhelmed, I realized I was face to face with Elisabeth Elliot Gren, one of my long time mentors (primarily through her writing, but through several personal encounters over the years as well).  There are few women for whom I have greater respect than Elisabeth Elliot, nor whose life has had a greater impact on mine.  I remember reading Through the Gates of Splendor and In the Shadow of the Almighty as a young bride 34 years ago and was convinced then I wanted Elisabeth’s life to help shape mine.  

Since I’ve followed her ministry all these years, I was aware that Alzheimer’s disease was slowly but surely overtaking her brain and decreasing her mobility, so I had given up hope of ever seeing her again this side of glory.  It was therefore a gift straight from heaven that we would be standing inches from one another, in the same church, at the same time, on the Sunday we were supposed to be in Arizona.

For me, it was a holy moment.  After the service ended, I met her granddaughter who is in college in the area and several other family members.  I then offered to sit with Elisabeth while they went down for coffee.  Amazingly, they agreed.  Though no intelligible words were exchanged between us, I knew I was sharing a sacred moment with a woman “after God's own heart.”  From her days at Wheaton College; through her long courtship with Jim Elliot; to her brief marriage to Jim which ended when he (and 4 others) were murdered by the Auca Indians in Ecuador (leaving her a widow with a less-than-2-year-old daughter); through her decision to remain with the Auca tribe to continue the work started by her late husband; through opportunities worldwide to influence this world for Christ by her extensive writing and speaking ministry; through the cancer death of her second husband; and until the past few years, still ministering faithfully with her husband Lars Gren — she has been faithful and her character has been consistent with one whose goal in life is Christlikeness.

She was so at peace sitting in that sanctuary.  She was safe and “at home.”  It was no surprise then when her family came back to take her home, she at first resisted.  I’ve seen the same kind of “hunkering down” in holy places by my dad, who also has Alzheimer’s.  My father is most alive when we’re playing hymns on the piano and he is belting out the words of those sacred songs he’s sung for over 80 years.  A failing memory cannot dislodge the deeply spiritual which has been forged by years in the crucible of living life for Christ.

I can’t put words around how deeply impacted I was by this God-arranged encounter with one of the true heroines of Christendom — but I left church with a deeper desire to be more surrendered to Him and to not miss the important due to the urgent.

Monday we got away for our own mini-marriage retreat in Newport, RI, and en route we had a lovely lunch visit with our precious friend, Thora Eames.  Amazing to have back to back days with two different women who have had such a positive spiritual impact on my life.  Dear Thora . . . almost 93! Our visit fell on the eve of her 70th wedding anniversary which she would mark alone having been widowed for 3 years now.  Still living by herself (in an in-law unit at her son's house), she tends her own garden, cleans her own house, cooks her own meals, and in between all that, checks emails on her desktop computer.  And praise is continually on her lips.  Though she no longer drives, desperately misses her beloved Eliot, lives an hour away from where she spent 50 years, and suffers a variety of aches and pains associated by “overuse,” Thora doesn’t complain.  “What do I have to complain about?” she proclaims . . . and she means it.

Though she insists that our visit was a huge blessing to her, we left knowing that the greater blessing was ours.  Really.  Her genuine heart for the Lord and the way she has lived her life is as uncommon as is her name.

Visiting Thora . . . a truly remarkable lady!

On to Newport, we continued to check out a hotel for possible future use by H.I.M. for a marriage or family conference.  We had a lovely evening, got a good night's sleep, and after meeting with the conference planner over breakfast Tuesday, we walked all 7 miles of the Cliff Walk (round trip). It was a gorgeous day and we drank it in.  We returned to Bedford late afternoon refreshed and ready for full days ahead.

The day was perfect for walking the Cliff Walk in Newport, RI.

Wednesdays and Thursdays are consistent this fall: on Wednesday mornings, I lead the Patriot Women’s Bible Study, and then join Paul for counseling from early afternoon until 9:30 pm.  Thursday, we counsel from 8 am through 2 pm, and then head down to Foxboro for the Patriot's Couples Bible Study from which we usually return around 10:30 pm.  Friday mornings, we head out for our weekend conference, returning late Tuesday — and begin again.

October 15, we flew to California to partner with Grace Baptist Church in Santa Clarita, CA, as keynote speakers for their Healthy Sexuality Conference.  What church do you know of that dedicates a whole weekend to dealing with the issue of sexuality from God’s perspective?  We are SO impressed with Grace Baptist's commitment to equipping their congregation with information and perspective on a subject long neglected by the church.  Neglect, in this case, has contributed greatly to many distortions and much evil connected with the potent and dynamic dimension of our sexuality.  We applaud this church's leadership for tackling this important but delicate subject.

There were many facets to the weekend.  Friday night, after being delayed significantly by traffic, we spent the evening with the pastoral staff team talking about marriage, ministry, and morality.  The dinner was beautifully hostessed by George and Janice, who graciously opened their homes and worked overtime to pamper this hard-working group of ministers and their spouses.  We fell in love with them.

Paul spoke for a men’s breakfast the next morning, challenging them to be “men of standing” with pure hearts and minds. That evening after church (at which we were interviewed about the Sunday afternoon conference), we spoke at two separate workshops on singleness and sexuality.  We had good interaction in both sessions which were attended by singles from 18 years old to much older singles.  No matter what their age, singles in our culture today who understand God's design for purity are in a very, very small minority.  We encouraged them to trust Creator God, confident that His plan is good and right.

Sunday, after attending both morning services, we spoke for 3 hours at the actual Healthy Sexuality Conference.  We often include a 45-60 minute session on marital sexuality during a weekend marriage conference, but we loved having 3 hours to develop with more depth God’s design, Satan’s destruction, and the Delights and Hope in biblical healthy sexuality.  We felt very met by God in the afternoon and pray that each who came were also met.  We did another workshop that evening, and then, rather spent, we drove to north San Diego with our daughter Julie who had joined us in Santa Clarita for the weekend.

The next day, we received this email from the Care Pastor who helped coordinate the conference:

Paul and Virginia,

We are thrilled with the work of Christ and His Spirit in and through you.

Our good and beautiful God poured out His love, grace and truth through you unto us as a healing oil. 

I want to express our gratitude, respect, love, and appreciation for you.  

The marriage you are making is a masterpiece. 

Your love for each other is inspiring and gently challenging to us. 

I pray you rest well, refill, and draw enjoyment from one another as you pause between our house of worship and your next place of serving.

(Luke 5:16)

Love and respect,

Dan

May His kingdom purposes be affected by the weekend!

At conference end, Paul and I share a moment with David and Cherylyn Hegg (lead pastor) and Doug and Julie Macrae (H.I.M. board members.)

On to San Diego to celebrate Julie’s “White Coat Ceremony” at Physical Therapy School Monday night.  We were SO thankful for the timing of this special event in her educational pursuit of a doctor of physical therapy degree!  After taking the Hippocratic Oath, she received her “White Coat” as a rite of passage to her first internship, which will begin November 1 in Fairfax, VA.  It was gratifying to be there, to meet her professors and some of her classmates, and to mark this important milestone in her degree program.  She'll be done with four of seven “trimesters” at the conclusion of this seven-week internship.

A high moment — and a reprieve of sorts from the rigors of studying: Julie receives her “White Coat.”

We also managed to sneak a quick visit in with my folks in San Diego while Julie was in class on Monday.  It was great to spend even a couple of hours with them.

The last part of our trip was a scheduled five-hour layover in Sacramento to check in on our grandson, Brandon, who is already seven weeks old.  In the five weeks since we've seen him, he has grown so much!!!  Every moment of the five hours was magical, though fleeting...

We are very grateful for even five hours.

Brandon’s Red Sox shirts have been replaced with Giants shirts, much to the delight of his dad, who has been a lifelong Giants fan.

It’s been so good to celebrate both ends of life these weeks.  Elisabeth Elliot Gren, Thora Eames, and my folks all reflect lives lived for His glory . . . and as their earthly lives wind down, their anticipation of the eternal celebration with Jesus comforts and strengthens them even as their bodies and minds break down.

At the other end of the spectrum, Brandon’s new life exudes hope, delight, purity, and the miracle of birth.  And God is over all — the beginning and the end.  He goes before us, and behind us, and holds all things together.  It can’t get any better than that.