From New England to Catalina

On this longest day of the year, it’s a joy and privilege to be in a place where our hearts beat longest and most deeply, Campus by the Sea on Catalina Island. We’re completing our week-long summer staff orientation week and will welcome our first group of 2008 Family Campers tomorrow. It’s been a whirlwind getting here, admittedly, and we’re still running a bit to catch up, but past experience tells us it will all come together “in time.”

The past three weeks since we last posted have had many unexpected twists and turns, which may be more reflective of real life than we’d sometimes like to think. I spent a few days in Alexandria, Virginia, with my folks during the last days of May. They were hosting our family friend, Gertrud Buck, from Stuttgart, Germany.

Gertrud and Virginia

We first met Gertrud twenty years ago when she bravely ventured to Campus by the Sea to volunteer for part of a summer. We’ve been fast friends ever since. Her three-week holiday in the states started with a very big twist when she discovered, as she tried to get her reserved rental car, that she had not transferred her driver’s license to her travel wallet. It took a full week for her license to arrive, so she saw much more of the greater Washington, D.C., area than she had planned. She lived out the truth that "life is 10% circumstances, 90% attitude" as she took the delay in stride and made the best of it. Thankfully her "best laid plans" turned-upside-down were minimally negative due to the kind hospitality of my parents.

The next twist came on Saturday, May 31, as thunderstorms forced the postponement of the fifth annual H.I.M. Pool Party in Weston. Providentially, the following Saturday was perfect for its rescheduled date with hot temperatures and high humidity. About 100 people joined the cool fun in the pool and yummy bbq from the grill, under the masterful hand of Jim and Sue Martis. Not surprisingly, people didn’t want to leave at day’s end.


Backing up to June 1, Paul was the commencement speaker at Cassie Becker’s graduation from “Forest Hill Academy.” It was an honor to join the Becker family in celebrating the accomplishment of successfully homeschooling Cassie and affirming a job well done as she goes off to Wheaton College in Illinois this fall. The ceremony was embued with meaning and symbols of the value-driven choices the Beckers have made. From the graduation, we zipped to Weston for the closing night of our Church Partnership class. We’ve really grown to love those in the course and will miss meeting with them. They’re committed to making a difference for families and marriage in their churches.

June 4–6 were spent with the pastoral and staff team from Valley Community Baptist Church. We were asked to speak on “Balancing Marriage and Ministry” and that subject falls within our passions, so we welcomed the opportunity. It was our second year with this sincere, godly, and fun group of ministry colleagues and we loved the added benefit of the increased relational connectedness repeat opportunities afford. We have great respect and growing affection for Jay and Liz Abramson, who have provided senior pastor leadership at the church for years. It’s also always a treat to be with Tim and Sharon Ponzani, long time friends and ministry partners, who serve VCBC as Executive Pastor. We were truly energized by the conference.

The unexpected twist in those days came with a phone call, informing us that our dear friend, Patty Benes (the one in the previous blog whose June 10th 50th birthday we had celebrated in late May in NYC) was in the ICU at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and on a ventilator. We went directly to the hospital when the VCBC conference ended, and managed to get there almost every day until we left for California. For a week, her life was tenuous; intubated and in a medically-induced coma, she fought acute pancreatitis (triggered by the removal of a polyp near her pancreatic duct), a blood infection, and Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome. We quietly acknowledged her birthday as June 10 came and went during her unconsciousness.Virginia, Patty, and Pam

Thankfully, she began to pull out of it the 12th, when they extubated her and replaced the vent with a tracheotomy. We felt we were given a gift when on June 14, the day before we left for the summer, she was awake and aware and on her way to recovery.

We spent a lot of time those days with Patty’s husband, Michael (who designed the cover for Letters to My Daughters), talking, praying, comforting, and supporting. Though there were many things to be thankful for, we were all very aware that the real possibility existed that Patty would not leave the hospital alive. We are so thankful she did (she came to their home to rehab on June 18, sixteen days after the ordeal started) but we are very aware that many people don’t have their prayers answered in the way they want. How important it is to live every day like we are children of God (since we are!), reflecting His glory. “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)

Lots of counseling and other appointments filled the remaining days in Bedford. We also went to a number of graduation parties and also to one actual graduation, which warrants mentioning. Two years ago, Ryan and Kelly Plosker (H.I.M. board members) birthed New England Academy in Beverly, Massachusetts, a high school for students who need special support due to emotional issues in order to thrive academically. On June 12, they graduated their first class of nine students, all of whom will be going on to college in the fall. It was a celebration exponentially more potent than an average graduation because of the seemingly insurmountable odds these kids have faced. Student after student testified that they had been personally invested in by Ryan and Kelly as well as by the qualified staff of teachers, and that had made the difference.

As technology threatens to overtake every area of life, and more and more live in virtual realities, it was a refreshing reminder at New England Academy’s graduation that nothing will ever trump the power of relationships: of human-to-human heart and soul connections. Well done, Ryan and Kelly! May the Lord continue to bring the right kids to your academy who need what you uniquely have to offer.

In the midst of it all, we stole away to Freeport, Maine, to record twenty-eight 90-second radio spots for Positive FM Radio (89.3) Soon the spots will be airing as “Marriage Minutes.” What a great opportunity!

Farewell Party for Nate and Jeannie King (lower right)

Our last two nights in New England were committed to honoring friends. A farewell party was held for Nate and Jeannie King, who are relocating to Georgia and who have been dear friends and valuable partners in our Engagement Matters weekends. We’ll really miss them. The last night, we drove to Osterville to witness the marriage vows of Adam Rowe and his bride, Liz. Adam’s parents, Mike and Maggie Rowe, have been long time friends and partners in ministry, and Adam served with us at Campus by the Sea several summers ago. It was refreshing and encouraging to know of the God-honoring way Adam and Liz related to one another as they prepared for marriage. We were privileged to be there, supporting and affirming them as two committed to honoring God in their union.

Several hours later, we were on the plane to California. A shortened visit (due to delayed flights) with our dear friends John and Wendy Turney preceded our voyage across the sea to this beloved cove. The staff training has gone very well and we are very impressed with our young, rookie team. They seem to be here for the right reasons and with the right hearts, and that’s a great start.

So before the longest day of the year comes to a close, I need to spend some quality time with our staff, who are currently enjoying the break between camps and lounging on the (rocky) beach. Pray for us!

May Flowers

Does anyone else feel like May has vaporized? I’m stunned that we’re at the end of the month and we’re hurtling towards summertime with the speed of an out-of-control freight train!

Before we get there (it’s just under three weeks until we depart for our summer ministry on Catalina Island), let me reflect on this past month. It’s been full and varied.

Right after returning from our last California ministry tour April 28, we were honored to present at the final chapel for Lexington Christian Academy’s Class of 2008. Gregg Meserole invited us to speak on God’s design for relationships (no arm twisting needed), and we spent an energetic hour interacting with a very engaged and respectful group of seniors. We were really thankful for the privilege and for the experience. Having two alums of LCA (Lisa ’01 and Julie ’03), we are honored to partner any time with those who have had such a critical and growth-producing impact on our daughters.


Our second book signing was held at Christian Book and Supply in Burlington, on Saturday, May 3. The always gracious Linda Camp (store manager) was a delight to work with and accommodated us well. Once again Paul’s chocolate chip cookies were big “sellers.” If only you could sign a cookie . . .

That night we addressed a lively group at Trinity Church of Bolton on the subject of parenting. Carl and Kathy Blatchley and Norm and Debbie Nielsen hosted the evening and did a lovely job of making spring seem real by setting beautiful tulip-adorned tables and serving delicious homemade strawberry shortcake. The evening tied in with an adult Sunday School class they are facilitating that is using the parenting DVD curriculum Paul and I recorded last year.


Early Sunday morning I flew off to Washington, D.C., to co-host a surprise fiftieth birthday party for my baby sister, Laura Leach. What a joy to see her complete shock when she walked into a room teeming with her best friends and later to hear them give accolades to her as they each contributed a flower to her “we love and respect you, Laura” bouquet.


The following weekend (May 9–11) was the Camp Berea Mother-Daughter weekend, and eldest daughter Kari flew in from California to speak with me for this great event. Anoli Bragdon, in her first solo flight as Program Director, did a wonderful job designing the retreat, which was arranged around the theme of the Wizard of Oz. Kari and I tied in to the woeful “If only” laments of the scarecrow (“If I only had a brain”), the tin man (“If I only had a heart”), and the cowardly lion (“If I only had the nerve” (courage)), by teaching out of Deuteronomy’s classic “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” We loved interacting with all the precious moms and daughters, who ranged in age from 5 to well beyond 60. Of course, what I most treasured in my heart was the joy of partnering with Kari, who speaks in a way that people listen to and whose wisdom far exceeds her years. What a gift for me to serve with her. Who would’ve thought when she was a challenging seven-year-old . . . God is good!

Paul was making his own appearances around the country during this same time period. He flew to Denver to surprise our daughter Julie at her first WDIA (women’s lacrosse) National Tournament appearance as a coach. She played for Cal Poly’s team the past four years as they secured four national titles, but it was a vastly different experience for her to be a part of the coaching team this year. Paul was able to cheer her on as Poly fought through the quarter- and semi- final rounds victoriously. He missed the title game in order to honor his commitment to present a seminar at Iron Sharpens Iron in Worcester, and Poly went down in defeat in double overtime. Fortunately, Paul felt the Iron Sharpens Iron conference was a great place to be and thoroughly enjoyed his experience there. And Julie is still happily stunned that her dad made such a herculean effort to support her in Denver.

May 16–18 we made a return visit to Church of the Savior in Wayne, Pennsylvania, to do an all-day Saturday parenting conference. COS’s Children’s Ministry Director, Ellie Greenhalgh, put together a blockbuster weekend for kids and parents alike, and it was inspiring for us to see her creativity and hard work make such a difference! Ellie, grandmother of 7-going-on-8 herself, makes the Energizer Bunny look low on voltage! We loved working with her and sharing such common passions. Sunday morning we partnered with our dear friends John and Marilyn Nugent by teaching on marriage to a number of adult education classes at COS. Though our time in Wayne was short (we zoomed out after teaching Sunday morning to fly back to Boston to teach that night), it was both professionally and personally uplifting.

Home briefly for counseling and reading mail before taking off to New York City for a 36-hour soiree honoring (and very much surprising) my dear friend Patty, who will soon hit the big 5-0. Our little group of three women hit the Big Apple with great enthusiasm as we explored Central Park (which was glorious in her Spring apparel), took in a phenomenal production of Wicked, and meandered over to Ground Zero the next day. It was a magical, unforgettable tour celebrating one of my heroines in life.


Memorial Day weekend was spent at Myles Standish State Park, camping with eighteen other families for our annual Family Tenting Camp. Blessed with perfect weather, we enjoyed the beauty of God’s creation in both nature and in each other. Biking, swimming, and exploring filled the days, and the nights were centered around a common meal (prepared by Jim and Sue Martis, H.I.M.’s personal chefs!), a time of worship (led by Rich and Sue Musacchio), and a time of devotions (led by Paul). The grand finale each night centered around the camp fire, and required graham crackers, chocolate bars, and marshmallows. Nothing like a good s’more!

One of our campers wrote to us afterwards:

Thank you very much for a awesome weekend. It was a memorable experience and just a great time with the kids. My words really can not explain how great (fulfilling with God's great Grace) this time was for our family. As we drove from the park on the way out, to see Gods great beauty revealed in such a beautiful place and in the relationships He gives us in our families was amazing—I almost came to tears thanking the kids and God for a great time together. [My son] was 6 or 7 when we first started this tradition where back then the focus was camping and "making fires." Now I see him serving, focusing on God and relationships.
Thank you for making these traditions—Adventures for our families where God is an irreplaceable part!

There were many highlights of our long weekend together, but the “highest” for us was having Thora Eames join us for Saturday evenings’ festivities. Ninety-year-old Thora expressed the delight of a young school girl to be surrounded by eighty kids and adults eating, worshiping, and learning together in such a set-apart venue. And what a joy it was for all to have her among us. A gift for all!

We are thankful that Focus on the Family has chosen to carry Raising a Trailblazer as one of their recommended resources. Paul, Kari, and Lisa will also be on the Focus on the Family Weekend Magazine with Dr. Bill Maier each weekend in June discussing Letters to My Daughters. You may find the times and stations or listen online by going to www.listen.Family.org/weekend.

The next weeks will be full as we wrap up our Partnership training program, speak at a pastor’s conference in Connecticut, have a reunion with our Trinidad team, and tie up loose ends before a ten-week summer at camps. We are so thankful that our confidence is in a God who goes before us!

California Tour—April 2008

Six thousand air miles, 1,240 ground miles, eleven days, and one sleepless red-eye . . . Exhausting!

Speaking to about three thousand people, seeing God work in incredible ways, and spending time with all our children . . . Priceless!

We left Monterey, California, on Sunday, April 27th, at 8:30 pm as the sun cast brilliant color against the western sky and then sank into the Pacific. It was 70 degrees and our sandaled feet were very comfortable. We landed six restless hours later to 38-degree weather and a still barren landscape, and we knew we weren’t in California any longer. Our toes protested. Home we went to appropriately clad our feet and our bodies!


What a ministry-rich trip! While we’re still getting over the effects of it physically, we hope never to get over the effects of it spiritually. The presence and power of God were palpable throughout our varied arenas, from the student world at Cal Poly, and the very affluent neighborhoods of Solvang and Monterey, to the energizing and vital ministry of Bayside of South Sacramento (BOSS) in its multi-cultural, multi-ethnic, multi-economical congregation whose “home” is found on the campus of Sacramento City College. Across all cultural, socio-economic, and ethnic distinctions, God is still God and people’s struggles are amazingly similar in terms of marriage and family.


Always delighted to seize family moments on such ministry trips, we arrived in San Luis Obispo on Thursday, April 17, in time to celebrate Julie’s 23rd birthday with her two sisters and many friends. The diverse group, including colleagues and friends from San Luis Sports Therapy Clinic, Athletes in Action, Cal Poly’s women’s lacrosse team, and her neighborhood, gathered around barbecued shish kabobs to celebrate Julie. What a joy to be there!

We spent the weekend in Solvang, an adorable little Scandinavian community between San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara, speaking at a marriage conference on Friday and Saturday and then preaching Sunday morning for Valley Christian Fellowship. Longtime friends Alan and Ruthann Bosko arranged the weekend, and we so enjoyed partnering with them in the context of their vital church.

Shifting from married couples to singles, we spent an evening with the Athletes in Action group from Cal Poly on Tuesday, April 22, speaking on God’s design for how to marry well. We love such opportunities and are always encouraged by those who respond with gratitude to hear a Biblical perspective on an area so potent and so culturally distorted.

Wednesday evening, we joined a sold-out crowd of 2400 at the fourth annual Thrive 2008 conference (www.Thrive2008.com), sponsored by Bayside Church of Granite Bay, California. It was an honor to present two workshops on marriage during the conference, and an encouragement personally to hear some great speakers during the plenary sessions. We’re always grateful to partner with lead pastor Ray Johnston at Bayside, whose creativity and energy always inspire us.

Thrive’s grand finale Friday night was followed by an early Saturday morning staff training session at Bayside of South Sacramento (BOSS). Paul and I led their staff of about 40 through a team-building exercise using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It was an interactive, lively time as co-workers had moments of enlightenment regarding their temperament differences and the corresponding implications for their working relationships.

Berean Christian Bookstore of Sacramento hosted a book signing for us that Saturday afternoon—a first for us. The store manager, Leslie Garcia (who happens to be our son-in-law’s aunt), assured us that “even famous authors don’t draw a crowd.” Fortunately, an email alert to our friends in the area generated some traffic, so we had a very fun reunion with some very dear folks that afternoon!

Sunday, April 27, was the last day of this eleven-day ministry tour and it was chock full! We had the privilege of preaching at both services at BOSS, the multi-cultural church where our daughter Kari and her husband Gabe serve on staff. We loved the congregation, who were anything but spectators. They were responsive and interactive throughout the service and we left with a longing to join them for worship frequently! The three-year-old church, led by Sherwood Carthen and executive pastor Bob Balian, draws about 2200 people to their two Sunday morning services held at Sacramento City College. Paul and I talked and prayed with many people after both services, several of whom admitted that they had come to church that morning on the verge of divorce, but were leaving with hope and a heart to make their marriages work. Praise God!

Taking advantage of our plan to fly out of Monterey at 8 that evening, our dear friends Johnny and Lori Potter invited us to do a marriage event from 5 to 7 pm for their new church, Stone Harbor. Why not??? We arrived at the Monterey airport (to turn in our rental car and check in for our flight) at 4:45 pm and were met by Johnny, who then whisked us off to their home where 40 people had gathered for the event. What a great group of people! We squeezed everything we could into the two hours and then were off to the airport for a red-eye home. Whew!!

We returned to Massachusetts with tired bodies but thankful hearts, feeling very met by God in each of the very different venues we experienced over those eleven days. We are more convinced than ever that whether you’re a college student or a middle-aged married couple, whether you live in the inner-city or on the affluent gold coast of California, we all share the need to know Jesus personally and to understand and apply His Word if we’re going to experience life His way.

Engagement Matters – April 12-13, 2008

April 12 and 13, “Engagement Matters,” the last in the trilogy of HIM-sponsored, love-centered conferences, was held in the Weston home of Doug and Julie Macrae. The very interactive and enthusiastic group of 17 couples, only a third of whom were already engaged, openly tackled issues related to marriage with great questions, active listening, and honest responses.


The Engagement Matters team includes Nate and Jeannie King and Doug and Julie Macrae, who provide some of the teaching and all of the hospitality. Their open and honest testimonies and insights were once again really appreciated by the attendees. Doug and Julie’s skit on how to have a “Super Bowl Marriage” was both humorous and instructional.


We love this weekend, because we believe that good premarital preparation paves the way for stronger and more vital marriages. We love helping couples to think about issues often overlooked or glossed over in the blush of young love. We love seeing them respond to truth and be willing to re-think previously held positions. We love to give them a vision for the goodness of God’s design for marriage and to give them practical, Biblical instruction on how to live out the design.

One of the couples who attended the weekend was a young woman and her boyfriend, neither of whom profess a personal faith. They were “gifted” the conference by her aunt. Afterwards she wrote:

“Overall this weekend was really amazing. It made both of us think about a lot of tough things and prompted conversations on marriage, faith, bringing up kids, cohabiting etc. We talked a lot about getting engaged and married and our future plans this weekend. It was really nice because usually I am the one spouting off plans and ideas and he is usually the one to just listen-with half an ear. But I think all of this has helped him to realize what it is he really wants in this relationship. This weekend proved to me that I really want to have a better connection with God and to find a church where I feel a sense of community, support, love and understanding. All in all, I guess I am just going to continue to pray that we both find answers and gain deeper insight to all of this. Thank you so much for giving this to us—it has helped open our eyes to new things and to each other.”

And a pastor wrote:
“Just wanted to let you know that the four couples from our young adults fellowship who attended Engagement Matters were really blessed by their time with you. Some of them thought it would be just another touchy-feely, relationship thing, but I strongly encouraged them to attend. They were all very happy that you were so biblical, wise, and practical in your counsel. They came away with a lot to think about but also a lot more confident about their relationships and the direction they need to take. Thank you for helping me give them a good foundation for their relationships.”

What a privilege to influence and encourage couples like this towards the heart of God and towards His design for marriage. We believe there are three equally good potential outcomes of the weekend: confirmation to move towards marriage; caution to slow down and address issues; or concluding that marriage is not the right choice. Though painful to arrive at option number three, we assure the couples that discovering that this side of the altar is far less painful than on the other side. We pray that each couple would leave the weekend more convinced than ever that God’s design for marriage is good and that paying attention to His instructions will be the best way to live.

Marriage Conference – April 4-6, 2008

Eagle Mountain Inn, Jackson, NH

What do an oasis and a mountaintop experience have in common?
Ask any of the 200 attendees of our recent marriage conference and you may hear responses that include “both are refreshing,” “both are life-giving,” “both are sought after and enjoyed once found.”

From the pen of one couple…
All I can say is WOW!!!! What a wonderful weekend. We were a little unsure of what to expect with this being our first marriage conference, and let me say that we are all ready for next year!! I can't even put into words what an impact it had on us. Thank you!!!!!


I’ll be honest…even I can’t capture with words how impacting the weekend was for us personally, and from what we’ve heard, for many others. Sold out weeks in advance and having a waiting list that never cleared, the level of interest and enthusiasm for the weekend was high. “High” actually also describes the levels of energy, responsiveness, eagerness, and expectation.


Danny and Rayna Oertli (www.dannyoertli.com) flew in from Colorado to lead worship and to serve as resident musicians for the conference, and once again “knocked it out of the park.” Their music is powerful and their gift for leading worship is uncommonly unifying and glorifying. They delighted all by performing a $200.00 per person concert Saturday night, supported by concessions of popcorn and slushies, and decorated by glo-bands. Fortunately we had 204 tickets donated to HIM, which were handed out to all conferees.

Another conference attender wrote:
Thanks so much for such a wonderful weekend. My wife and I enjoyed it very much. Informative workshops, great sessions, wonderful music and worship, good accommodations, terrific food. The whole nine yards, very well done and much appreciated . . .


Six relevant and well-attended workshops were offered twice during the weekend. Some couples found oasis and others had mountaintop experiences as they were encouraged to develop an exceptional marriage by Ryan and Kelly Plosker; to grow their marital spirituality by John and Marilyn Nugent; to let God meet them during times of difficulty by Danny and Rayna Oertli; to intentionally have fun by Doug and Julie Macrae; to work towards more positive relationships with in-laws by Seth and Melanie Bilazarian, and to celebrate their differences in a temperament session lead by Paul and me. It was very affirming of the work of the Holy Spirit as many couples commented that their chosen workshops were exactly what they needed.

I just wanted to thank you guys so much for a wonderful weekend! I feel like we learned so much. We've been spending a lot of our efforts on parenting our kids (8, 10, and 12 years old) for a long time—this weekend's talks and workshops served as great reminders that we need to be making an effort to keep growing in our marital knowledge and love as well.

The oasis theme was carried out convincingly, as Doug and Julie Macrae adorned wall space and table tops with colorful palm trees and palm tree balloons. Leis and goodie bags were given to each guest upon their arrival by registrars Guy and Barbara Steele, Richard and Kit Hendricks, and Steve and Janet Hathaway—and all the H.I.M. Board Members wore custom-designed Hawaiian shirts (with turtlenecks underneath)! John Nugent and Paul emceed the weekend, stirring the crowd with interactive questions and rewarding them with gift cards and candy.

Ted and Lauren Hall tended the book table, which did a brisk business as couples bought resources to supplement their growth.

Paul and I spoke at the four main sessions and truly were inspired by the “oasis” theme. It was especially fun to develop the contrast between a “mirage” and a true oasis, challenging the couples to not settle for a counterfeit but to keep pressing towards the real En Gedi.

The quaint, sweet Eagle Mountain House provided a wonderful “oasis” for couples thirsty for time away from the oft times dehydrating demands of life. Great food, comfortable rooms, and welcoming ambience combined to make it a nurturing and renewing getaway.

God blessed us with a gorgeous day on Saturday, and many couples took advantage of the free afternoon with spring-like weather to hike, shop, or enjoy the view from one of the many rocking chairs perched on the expansive deck of the historic Eagle Mountain House. H.I.M. marriage conferences are intentionally scheduled with equal amounts of free and structured time in order to provide for recreation and reconnection as well as instruction and encouragement.


One couple summed it up well:
What a blessing and privilege it was to attend your marriage retreat this weekend. What a treat it was for the two of us to spend some time re-evaluating where we are in our marriage and to just be together—just us. Our desire is that our lives as individuals and as a couple honor the Lord Jesus Christ, and though we fall short far too often, it was important to seek Him on how we could improve our walk. And it was wonderful to be with others who desire the same. Thank you for once again putting together a wonderful weekend, in which I could enjoy my husband’s company, gather with good friends and meet new people.

True Love Waits-Family Edition Kicks Off a Trilogy of Events

As spring tries to make its entrance in the behind-the-calendar, starkly bare Northeast, thoughts turn to love. Prom season, graduations, weddings, births—all contribute to increased focus on relationships and tap into natural longings for a fulfilling and vital connection with someone to love and to be loved by. Home Improvement Ministries is speaking into this universally-valued but often confusing and disappointing state by hosting a trilogy of “love-centered” events in the space of three spring weekends.

The trilogy was kicked off with our annual True Love Waits – Family Edition held a week ago at the First Congregational Church of Hopkinton on Saturday, March 29, and at Christ Chapel in Centerville (Cape Cod) on Sunday, March 30.

“Today has brought me closer to God and to my mom. It has taught me how to face those certain situations and to be able to look at the whole dating thing and real love with a perspective through God’s eyes and what I should do to reflect Him well. I now know how to respect my body and find real true love and not a guy who just likes my physical appearance and not who I really am. I learned a lot today and enjoyed it. It was a really exhilarating experience. Thank you very much.”

—12 year old girl’s evaluation

The Team
A phenomenal team assembled to speak from their hearts about God’s design for relationships and sexuality.

David and Kassidy Thomas, two-year veterans with TLW-FE, spoke from their experience of the goodness of following scriptural guidelines during their six year dating relationship, which culminated in the joyous celebration of their pure union on their wedding day following their graduation from college. David, #86, is a tight end for the New England Patriots and will begin his third season this summer. They gave many practical tips for how to honor the commitment to purity and a lot of hope that “it can be done.”

Grant and Emily Williams, four-year veterans with TLW-FE, presented from a position of both having been raised in fairly dysfunctional, alcoholic, broken homes, and not learning about God’s design for sexuality until their young adult years. Through the transforming grace of God, they both laid their broken pasts at the foot of the cross and are now almost 12 years into a Christ-centered, vital, and growing marriage. They are raising their three daughters in the love and protection of Biblical guidelines and speak powerfully of the hope of breaking with the past and creating a godly legacy for the next generation. As a 6’8” former offensive lineman for the New England Patriot’s first Super Bowl team, Grant garners respect from all as he authentically speaks of what means more to him than his Super Bowl ring.

Lisa Friesen and Julie Friesen, favorites at TLW-FE for many years, represented the “I’m close enough in age to you to be credible” position. Lisa, now 25 and a full-time athletic trainer at a private high school in San Luis Obispo, CA, shared her continuing commitment to trust God’s design for purity. Signing a commitment card at TLW when she was 13 and still honoring that commitment 12 years later is linked to her ever-deepening heart for Jesus. She is more convinced than ever that she is “worth the wait” and spoke convincingly to a crowd that hears few such messages. Julie, 23 and a recent graduate of Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo (June ’07), has a powerful testimony of her ongoing commitment to purity as well. As an All-American lacrosse player, and four-time National Champion, Julie also attributes the “success” she’s had remaining pure to her vital relationship with the Lord and to believing that He wants to give her the best. Lisa and Julie did a workshop on how to develop God-honoring convictions that will facilitate purity through the college years. Hope-giving and an all too rare message from authentic young ladies, they cast a vision of hope for the teens.

Brian and Heather Dietz, also long time veterans with TLW-FE, are a refreshing example of a young couple with great hearts for the Lord and for His purposes. The joy of arranging their lives pre-and post-maritally around God’s good design was apparent as they shared their story. They taught specifically on developing thirst in teens for Christ, which is needed for buy-in to embracing God’s plan for purity and for relationships in general. As directors of the middle-school program at Grace Chapel, they brought a wealth of experience and connectability to the conference.

Jess and Elizabeth Bousa, students at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and of the Home improvement Ministries Church Partnership Training Program, made their debut appearance at TLW-FE. With a unique and compelling story of his transformation from being involved in using and selling drugs to falling in love with Jesus while “serving time” at Teen Challenge, Jess powerfully preached about how to honor the “temple” of God (1 Corinthians 6:19) by choosing sexual purity. Their seminar, entitled “It’s never too late to start doing the right thing,” was practical and real and their transparency and openness made them very approachable.

Paul and I (co-directors of Home Improvement Ministries), rounded out the team. With 32 years of marriage and ministry, our passion for this focus of sexual purity only grows stronger. We gave the key note talk—on “God’s Design for Sexual Purity”—and spoke on the goodness of God’s design and the delights of trusting Him with this very potent area of life.
The six-hour seminar included large group presentations, workshops, and question and answer time. The day culminated with a time of reflection and commitment. Lunch and snacks were also provided (and prepared and served by long-time HIM veteran Jim Martis.) Great resources were available at the book table, operated by Kimary Pomphrett. Both days were full of expectation, vitality, and hope.

Overall feedback was very positive and attendees indicated that it was a day well spent. One mom wrote on her evaluation:

“The workshops we attended were very helpful – I was impressed with the speakers’ genuineness and their willingness to be vulnerable with teens and parents alike. My daughter went to Julie and Lisa’s workshop and was encouraged by how they emphasized saying “Yes” to Jesus’ best for their lives rather than just “No.” I am so grateful that her take-away from the day was so positive and that she not only wants to commit herself to purity, but also to getting to know Christ better.”

At the end of the day, that expressed well the heart desire of all those on the team. Choosing sexual purity is closely linked with choosing to follow Jesus wholly, in every area of life. Our prayers will continue on behalf of each of the teens who made commitments to honor God with their sexuality – and to increasingly believe that “sex is great . . . it’s worth the wait . . . and each one of them is worth waiting for.”

HIM Team Trinidad 2008 Returns!

We’re safely home from our Family Missions Trip to Trinidad and so full of blessing and thanksgiving. Words will fail me, surely, as I try to express how God met us and used us these past eight days, so read between the lines if you can.

This trip had more “this is the first time . . .” moments in it than any other in our ten-year history of doing family missions trips (except the first)! Our day of departure heads the list—and apparently it was a harbinger of things to come.

We gathered at Logan last Saturday, March 8, on a rainy, cold morning . . . giving thanks that it wasn’t snowing (yes, even me—I knew that snow would have an unwanted affect our departure, so I gave thanks for rain). Nine hours later, after incremental delays attributable to “low visibility” in Boston and NY-JFK, where we were to connect with a direct flight to Port of Spain (POS), and, after boarding once, only to deplane 45 minutes later, we were re-booked for the next day. A big first. Back home we all went, to clean houses and empty refrigerators, to water turned off and water heaters turned down, with no suitcases (since all had been checked in already, Delta chose to keep them for the night), we spent the night in our own beds. Our greatest disappointment was knowing we would miss our only real chance to attend a Sunday worship service with our Trinidadian brothers and sisters, especially those in Campoo who are continuing the church we helped plant years ago. That really was our sadness.

Take two: Sunday, we regroup, dressed as we were the day before (mostly), and thankful for a successful “launch” at 11 a.m. In a race against the clock in Atlanta, we thankfully made it to our connecting flight just in the nick of time, and happily landed in POS around 7:30 p.m. The next “first” then emerged . . . and was not entirely surprising, admittedly: we arrived, but most of our luggage did not. :(


The next two hours were spent locating the 13 (out of 31) pieces of luggage that did arrive, and filing claims for the pieces that didn’t. It was a rather wild time which delayed our arrival at the TTUM compound to around 10. Once there, we were warmly embraced by those who have become so dear to us through the 9 years we’ve partnered with them. Ashoke and Stephanie, Javed and Jenn, John and Donna, Tony and Annette, Maltee, Kelvin, Joshua . . . such precious folks!

We also were thrilled to connect with Sarah Hathaway, one of our team members who joined us from Calvin College. We had spent hours on the previous Friday trying to re-route Sarah so she wouldn’t be hampered in getting to Trinidad due to the winter storm which hit the midwest on Saturday (the one that eventually caused our delay!). Ironically, she arrived in Trinidad on time on Saturday—while we all were stranded! Interesting twist.

Monday we wakened and knew we weren’t in Boston anymore. Warm temps, clear skies, sights, sounds, and smells so different from our normal existence. We were housed for the first time in the “hotel-like” rooms we had helped build on the second floor of the sanctuary . . . and had air conditioning for the first time! Rather plush missionary quarters. :)


After a wonderful Trinidadian breakfast of “bakes” and cheese, we assessed our limited supplies to see what we had to work with for the launch of Backyard Bible Club (BBC) that afternoon in the little village of Bellamy. By God's grace, we had all the props for the “Sower and the Seeds” skit and part of the corresponding craft, so we went with it. We rehearsed the skit, worked out team dynamics, and prayed.

At 4, we arrived to “canvass” the neighborhood, which is only one of the very un-American things we do while in Trini. Imagine wandering through a rural street, hollering “Good afternoon!” and having a resident emerge to listen to your invitation to BBC which “will be held on the savannah (read: open field) by the tent at 4:30.” Amazingly, at 4:30, the savannah is teaming with children who are energetic and excited about being there. Wild. We had about 36 kids come the first day and felt really good about our interaction with them. We returned to the compound in time for dinner (it was about 25 minutes by “maxi”—a mid-sized bus) and debriefing. We found that not having suitcases simplified life; there was no time needed for swimming (skinny dipping was forbotten) or even changing clothes. And if you couldn’t change clothes, showering was not that appealing—which worked well, since the compound was experiencing a water crisis, so the water was shut off all but several hours a day (early in the a.m. and late at night) which was, by the way, another first. :)

Each night our team met for debriefing and praying together. We experienced deep bonding quickly, in part because “crisis” aids such solidarity and in part because of the previously existing relationships we had all forged through the years. Each person was so important to the team and stepped up in making their own unique contribution to our collective effort. We felt like one big family and Paul and I truly loved “leading” them.

Our prayers were answered Monday night when Paul and Javed returned from the airport with all 18 pieces of missing luggage in tow. PTL!! After having spent three days in the same clothes, we were really happy and grateful for things easily taken for granted.

Tuesday a.m., freshly showered and in clean clothes, we spent the morning visiting two Hindu temples on a fascinating tour led by Jenn Bachew. The importance of this piece can’t be underestimated as it sets up the obvious contrast between a life dedicated to worshiping an idol and a life dedicated to worshiping our living Lord. We watched a pundit sincerely offering alms and chanting prayers to the “monkey god” at one temple and we observed thousands of fragments of broken “deias” offered at the “water temple.” We saw four funeral pyres set and waiting dead corpses, which would be burned to ashes, which would be scattered in the river, which according to Hindu belief would eventually make it back to the Ganges River for reincarnation. It was very impacting.

While at the water temple, Melanie accepted the invitation offered by a Rastifarian-looking fisherman named Balam, to tour his home and business. What a unique opportunity to have an insider’s view into the life of a very entrepreneurial local! We saw his catch of the day: beautiful looking, plump shrimp and small fish, but we also unfortunately saw the murky, muddy waters from which they came, which dimmed their appeal. He took us inside his “home”—a squatter’s dwelling made of corrugated metal roofing and other discarded components fashioned into a suitable-for-him abode. He proudly showed us his “tauer” (incorrect spelling - it’s the flat skillet used to bake roti), his bbq, and his kitchen.” His home was nestled right on the shore line of the viscous water and couldn't have been more hospitable, extending an invitation to all of us to return for a fishing excursion with him. “Just bring your hammocks,” he suggested. Jenn said that kind of an experience was a first for her—and obviously for us, as well.

That day was so clear we could easily see Venezuela, which sits just 7 miles from that part of Trini’s coastline. What a gift to have such a lovely day! On the way back to the compound, we bought fresh fruits and veggies from a small farm stand to supplement the very high-carb, low-fresh fare at TTUM.



Back to the compound for lunch and preparation for BBC. Fortunately, now flush with supplies from the suitcase reunion, we had everything needed for the remaining three days of club. At 4 p.m., the savannah in Bellamy was flooded with kids within moments of the maxi’s arrival and we increased to 50 kids. Pastor Paul’s promise of an extra treat for any who brought someone new to club created quite a stir, and a good bit of lying and conniving by children who all wanted an extra lollipop. :) The afternoon went very well and culminated with the kids enthusiastically decorating Prayer Journals with really cool foam stickers. We returned to the compound very encouraged, satisfied, and thankful. That night, after our team meeting, we celebrated Melanie’s birthday with cake and ice cream, which was a treat for all.

Wednesday we were up and out early to do a program at a local high school. We had very little information regarding what to expect prior to going. Typically at the high schools, we present for one classroom during their period of “Religious Instruction” (RI). We were all delighted and somewhat relieved when Javed climbed on the maxi to accompany us to Cunupia HS that morning. Upon arrival at the security shack for the high school, Javed was told by the security guards that the school was in upheaval due to a student stabbing a teacher the day before, which had caused the teachers to strike. Their grievance was against the government’s changed policy regarding student discipline (that a teacher couldn't really discipline a student, taking their cues from America . . .) which they felt left them unprotected as teachers. In the absence of teachers, the principal requested that our team present to the entire student body.

Yikes! Not only were we going into a school which had experienced some form of violence the day before, but we would have the whole school! (The newspaper account of the incident was different from the verbal accounts, so we really don’t know what happened—it was enough to know that something bad happened to cause the teachers to refuse to teach.) Feeling thoroughly unprepared and some degree of terror, we filed into the open-air auditorium and experienced God’s grace and provision in some remarkable ways. We were all very aware that God had gone before us by having Javed with us that day; he was the right person for addressing that audience and did a great job, connecting with the students as only another Trinidadian could. Paul did the “iodine and the cross” illustration, and brave Talene spoke forthrightly about her faith and how it makes a difference in her daily life as a high school sophomore. Their chaplain opened in closed the time by leading several Christian choruses with his booming, rich voice, relieving us of the need to inadequately and anemically lead them musically. And then it was over. We were all relieved and thankful to return to the bus safely. The Cunupia experience was full of firsts. We all left with a much deeper awareness of God’s presence and protection.


On to an elementary school for our second school that morning, and that was also full of firsts. Usually we have the whole school at the primary schools and were joyfully welcomed. At Madras Road Government Primary School, we had one classroom of students, and were not even introduced by the somewhat dour teacher in charge. We usually get to interact with the kids after a presentation, but they were sent straight back to their classes and we left. We prayed that God will water the seeds sown.


Day three of BBC happened that afternoon. About 60 kids arrived for a somewhat raucous time of singing, performing, crafting, and playing. The best part for us is loving on these kids and letting them know how loved they are by Jesus. We knew many of their names by this point and each had bonded with different ones. It’s amazing how deep our hearts were for these children in such a short time.

That night was Prayer Meeting at the compound and Ashoke asked Paul to teach on relationships. We were sharing the compound with a great group of high school students who attend Whitfield Academy in Kansas City, Missouri, and since they would be attending Prayer Meeting also, Paul worked to cover the varied generational needs of this important topic. He did a great job and received a ton of affirmation especially from the Whitfield kids. We were so thankful.

The cap of a very long but good day was a definite highlight of the week: John and his steel pan band performed an hour-long concert for the American contingent. It was phenomenal. We worshiped, rejoiced, and praised through music, singing, and dancing. Yes, even Paul. The Whitfield kids pulled him on to the floor to “boogie” with them, I guess figuring that if he was hip enough to speak the way he spoke, he must be hip enough to dance. I wish you could’ve seen his face as they forced him to join them. :) We went to bed that night exhausted, but so, so aware of the goodness, presence, and power of God. We would clearly need it for the next day.

Thursday a.m. was challenging in many ways. We descended on Auntie Pearl’s orphanage to clean, since most of the children were in school. Our main project was to clean the laundry/freezer room, which we discovered had a population of roaches that would qualify it as a small city. I can still feel roaches crawling on me today. To say it was a stretch would be a gross understatement, but since the adults were committed to modeling servanthood with a smile to our progeny watching us, we attacked the disgusting, dirty, and “living” area with smiles on the outside and revulsion on the inside. Seth and Richard led the charge nobly and fearlessly; I did the best job of appearance management I could possibly muster, only once shrieking in terror as a roach ran up my leg. We developed the “roach rumba”—a dance that evolved as we stomped the scattering roaches that emerged as objects were moved or clothes shaken out.

Meanwhile, most of the team was caring for the dozen or so younger children not of school age, changing diapers, bathing, holding, and loving—while others were reducing the trash strewn about the back yard. Each team member stepped up incredibly, jumping in with hands and feet and mostly heart. It was a morning none of us will forget.

We left there with aching hearts, honestly, so aware that our efforts would make very little difference, really. We prayed that God would somehow multiply what we had done, like loaves and fishes, and that He'd show us how to respond to what we’d experienced even as we return to the U.S.


Day 4 and grand finale at BBC that afternoon brought all 60 children out even before our maxi arrived. We had a great afternoon, presenting the gospel, finishing projects, and wrapping up with the iodine and cross illustration. Sarah did a great presentation on the “wordless necklace” and Paul explained how to ask Jesus into your heart. Most of the children prayed the prayer with him, and only heaven will sort out who did so sincerely. We parted after many hugs and promises of prayers and left the little village of Bellamy in the hands of God.

After our team meeting that night, we broke out “Catch Phrase,” one of our favorite games, and had a rousing match which pitted the men against the women. The women ultimately prevailed, but only by the skin of our teeth. It was a highly competitive, sometimes ruthless match which provided lots of laughs.

Friday was full of more firsts. We started the day visiting New Haven Elderly Home and with no knowledge of what to expect, entered with a degree of trepidation. We found about twenty elderly folks in various stages of mobility and mental acuity who were delighted to feel not forgotten for an hour that day. We sang hymns with them, some of whom didn’t miss a word. We did a drama, made them cross necklaces, and spent time talking with them individually and touching them, physically and emotionally. It was sacred time.

On to a primary school in the early afternoon, we had a wonderful time presenting to a very appreciative audience and then “limin’” with them after we were done. From there, we were thrilled to go to Campoo to reconnect with some of our longtime friends there as well as to see the progress on the church building. TTUM has decided to build an orphan home in conjunction with the church, which is a very exciting development. It was such a joy to be there and to see the work of God being faithfully carried on.


The highlight for several of us was to reunite with Preema, our Hindu friend from our very first BBC in Campoo. Preema had the keys to the community center we used for our first BBC, so we got to know her and her four boys well. At week’s end, she responded to Ashoke’s invitation to receive Christ and wept for thirty minutes after. We had made contact with her each time we’ve been there since, and though it doesn’t appear that the seed fell on fertile soil, she always seems to glad to see us. It was a joyful reunion with her, which prompted many tears from her again. We prayed for her and were so thankful to have had those moments.

We rounded out that afternoon by spending some time at “Angel Michael’s Orphan Home,” another first. An unknown entity to TTUM, Jenn had set it up hoping it would be a good place for ministry. It turned out to be a very sketchy place, with lots of evidence of being Obea Baptist (a curious mixture of witchcraft, voodoo, and Christianity). There were only school-aged children there and only one expressed an affect. The rest were relatively void of expression and very unresponsive. It was sad.

Our final ministry event was that night at the compound. Paul and I taught on relationships for their youth group meeting and again, were besieged with positive responses. The local youth were especially appreciative; we were grateful to have significant conversations with many of them. PTL. The evening was rich with worship, led by Javed, fellowship and fun, led by Whitfield Academy, and teaching. Between that and the Wednesday night Prayer Meeting, we felt less “gypped” by missing out on Sunday. :) We concluded the evening with a Catch Phrase rematch—and the women again prevailed. :)

Saturday was our last full day there and we had an unrestful but fun day of rest. The day started with yet another first: turns out that a drunk young man had trespassed on the compound in the middle of the night and found a place to sleep in one of our rooms, which was occupied by three young ladies. The youngest wakened and, unable to waken her two sleeping sisters, took it on herself to command him to leave their room. After some resistance, he did, only to wander down the hall to another room with an unlocked door. The two guys in this room thought his snoring was from someone on the team, so there he slept there ’til morning. The first we all knew about it was when armed officers (uzzi-armed) arrived at the compound to arrest this guy. No small amount of drama ensued, and our departure for Maracas Bay was delayed slightly.

Off we eventually went, stopping first in Port of Spain for one hour of mostly fabric shopping, and then on to Maracas Bay. We indulged in the inimitable “Bake ’n Shark” lunch delicacy before enjoying the “just right” ocean (in terms of temp and wave action). We couldn’t have had a nicer time. From there we made a quick stop at a market for edible souvenirs, and then spent a couple of hours on the river cruise to watch the nightly migration of the Red Ibises, Snowy Egrets, and Blue Herons to their wildlife preserve. It’s a rather magical show they perform and such a confirmation of Creator God, who sets such things in motion. Everything was perfect about the experience, so we felt very blessed.

Our evening was spent wrapping up and we shared a very sweet time of sharing and prayer together as a team. Packing, “liming,” and sharing filled the evening, and then we went to bed for our final time at TTUM. Sad farewells were exchanged early the next a.m.—we left with hearts so full of love and gratitude.


The above photo was taken at Logan Airport, Boston, just after our arrival back home. Our team was delighted and honored to be met by a precious group of family and friends who gathered to welcome us home. Not on the trip, but included in this photo, are Robie and Donna Gould with daughter Anna; Dan, Liz, and Timmy Yardley; Guy and Barbara Steele; and Rick Welles. We felt so loved!