Jet-setting isn't as glamorous as it looks . . .

. . . but it's "worth it."

So 48 hours after the Boston Marathon Bombing, we were on a flight to California to speak at Bayside Church's monthly couples' date night.  Though we have loved, loved, loved doing this every month of 2013, it seems that each month is challenged with obstacles.  Weather delays.  Lost luggage.  Almost missing the event.  Crazy!

Continuing in the theme, our luggage didn't arrive with us because our to flight Sacramento via O'Hare was canceled (thunderstorms this time!) and we were rebooked to Sacramento via San Francisco.  Our bodies made it but our luggage didn't.  Paul was all too happy to make another trip to Costco to buy his monthly new outfit for speaking.  Me, not so much.  Especially since my personal shopper (Kari) has re-located to Santa Clarita, so I was left to my own devices in a very limited amount of time.  I know, I know.  First World Problem.  No sympathy expected.

The theme of this date night was marital sexuality, and we appreciated the very responsive crowd.  So many commented on how grateful they were that we were willing to address this "verboten-in-the-church" subject.  One couple wrote, "LOVED all that you shared last night @ Bayside…God worked thru you, reaching right into our 30-year relationship…I'M AMAZED!!! Thank you."  We were very thankful.

Thursday we spoke at the first event geared towards the 55-plus gang at Bayside.  Allan and Karen Hearl lead this new ministry which is just beginning to take shape and we were honored to help with their launch.  A salad luncheon followed by worship led by Brandon Yip preceded our talk on "Finishing Well."  The group was eclectic and represented the spectrum from married and remarried, to single and single again through widowhood or divorce, and everything in between.  But despite the diversity of life stage and experience, there was a sweet spirit in the place. As the committee met to reflect on the event, there was agreement that it had been very successful.  Praise Him!

Allan Hearl welcomes the 55-plus crowd to the launch of this new ministry outreach at Bayside.

Still without luggage, I flew down to Burbank that night and met up with Gabe, Kari, and Brandon, and Paul flew back to Boston the next day (united with his luggage.)  I spent a frustrating number of hours on Friday awaiting delivery of my suitcase (which had been flown multiple times between Boston, San Francisco, Sacramento, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and finally Burbank) but it finally arrived, and off to the beach in Ventura we went to play late in the afternoon.  Very, very fun.

Gabe, Kari, and Brandon enjoy the beauty of Ventura Beach.

Kari and I spoke at a women's conference at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Newport Beach all day Saturday, while Paul spoke at two Iron Sharpens Iron conferences in New England.  Our day was much more relaxing and lovely than his, but he felt good about his experience.

Women's Conferences are works of art. Really. The beautiful decorations. The delicious food, presented as though for a Queen's Court. The details all tended to. The air of expectation. The delight of women gathering. These women did a fabulous job of preparing for the day and Kari and I enjoyed working together on "Sacred Influence:  Journeying through life with Racers, Pacers, and Tracers."  Borrowing from very impacting talks Gary Gaddini gave at Campus by the Sea a number of years ago, we talked about the importance of mentoring and of being mentored as we go through life.  It was truly a joy for me to speak with Kari, and I think the women really appreciated that, too.  It was a good day.

The beautiful snack table reflected the care and beauty of all aspects of the women's conference at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Newport Beach, CA.

Most of the committee that made the women's conference happen—a great group of ladies!

Early the next morning, I drove to San Diego to spend 5 days with my parents.  My mother has recovered beautifully from her mastectomy, and it was such a privilege to spend a few days enjoying being with them and doing a few projects around the house, as well as helping with the early morning and nightly routines with my dad.  I also got to be with the three sisters who live in the area at various points.  Really special, memorable days.

My remarkable mom at 83, following two surgeries in the last two months.  I told her she'd set the bar at a level I hope to never have to reach!  What an amazing woman she is.  So thankful for her.

I flew back to Boston on Thursday, April 25th, and disappointingly, my luggage didn't arrive with me.  Oh no!!!  Not this again!  In a Groundhog's Day-esque way, Friday the 26th was a repeat of Friday the 19th, only worse.  The suitcase, promised at 6 a.m., eventually arrived at 5 p.m.  A very long, frustrating day.  Crazy again.  And yes, I know, a first world problem.  

The following day was our annual "Worth It" Conference, focused on sexual and emotional purity.  This family event is one of the highlights of our year.  We believe so passionately that we experience God's best when we trust His design, and this is especially true regarding relationships.  

We had a packed house and a phenomenal staff whose teaching and life stories both inspired and challenged the audience, which was composed of parents and teen-agers.  All of the staff were open and honest about the goodness of God's design as well as the heartache of going against it.  Besides the three plenary sessions, we offered relevant workshops and peer group, gender-based sessions that provided forums for going deeper in some areas.  The day ended with a challenge to commitment to purity.

Most of the "Worth It" staff, gathered at day's end to thank the Lord for meeting us.

Retired NFL player Don Davis poses with a group of eager students at the "Worth It" conference.

The feedback on the day was overwhelmingly positive and some of the comments included:

"There were several times throughout the day that someone said something and immediately I would think, 'I came here to hear that.  That was meant for me!  It's just crazy and wonderful."  (16-year-old female)

"The most beneficial part of the day was that I'm worth the wait!"

"Great message.  My mom brought me and, to be honest, I didn't want to come.  I AM SO GLAD THAT I DID!"  (13-year-old female)

"It was an awesome day.  Great food, fantastic speakers who really related to us students . . . I will definitely come again!" 

 

One youth leader sent this:

"Overall, all 8 kids that came really liked it and said they loved the speakers and learned a lot and wanted to bring others next year!  The girls said, "It was great to hear everyone's stories about making mistakes so that we know not to follow in that same path, but we really liked hearing Lisa talking about doing it the right way!" (Go Lisa!) They also LOVED hearing Adam talk about how he valued his wife so much before they were married and that is proof that she can trust him to value her and be faithful forever. Another quote they loved was from Jillian about, "You don't have to worry about attracting all the guys. You will attract the one that God has planned for you.'"

We couldn't have been more thankful for the day and pray that the effects of the day will be felt for years to come.

The following day we had the privilege of conducting a "renewal of vows" ceremony for a couple whose marriage was rocked by infidelity three years ago.  Through years of hard work and lots of God's grace, their marriage not only survived, but is thriving. It was a celebration we'll treasure remembering.  There were many poignant moments, but I'll never forget the look on the face of the 14-year-old son as his parents recommitted themselves to one another.  He later said, "I've been praying and waiting for this day for 3 years."  His radiant face said it all.  

The very full weekend was rounded out by some exploring Boston with daughter Lisa and her friend/mentee Jillian who flew up to help with "Worth It."  We had a blast walking the streets, taking in the sights, and consuming the delights of some great eateries.  A perfect end to a great weekend.

Lisa and Jillian and I delight in the Public Garden's blooming tulips.

It was very nice to not board a plane this weekend—or to be waiting for errant luggage to be delivered. 

To and from Ann Arbor with love

(Note:  this blog was started April 18th . . . and finished May 10.)

It actually felt great to board the flight to Detroit on Thursday, April 11, though weather delays out of Boston and again out of Chicago turned the 3.5 hour flight time into a 10-hour day, door-to-door.  No worries: delays in airports are seen as walking fields for me and as an office extension for Paul.  :)  "Latent Spring" continued in Ann Arbor under cloudy skies and rainy weather, and there were no signs of spring, except in the beautiful cut flowers from Costco which adorned the Wong home.

Wai and Elaine Wong and their daughters Jessica (14), Leilani (12), and Jasmine (9), are in a league of their own when it comes to hospitality.  All five of them go above and beyond in making us feel like they’re privileged to have us staying in their home.  Welcome signs.  Fresh cut flowers.  Delicious meals.  Engaging conversations.  Sensitivity to our needs.  We were sorry our schedule allowed us only 3 days with them!!

Elaine and her sous chefs prepared fresh sushi for dinner and it was fabulous.

The Wongs and us at Zingerman's Deli in Ann Arbor. As good as it was, it wasn't better than Elaine's home cooking.

Wai and Elaine made this weekend happen.  For the second year in a row, they brought us to Ann Arbor to speak to the community at Ann Arbor Christian School and beyond.  Friday night we spoke on parenting to a room full of parents eager for encouragement and support.  Dr. James Dobson got it right when he named one of his parenting books Parenting Isn't for Cowards.  We need all the support and encouragement we can get during the "in the trenches" season of raising up the next generation, and we were  thankful that many took advantage of this opportunity.

The audience at Ann Arbor Christian School listened attentively as we taught on raising kids with convictions.

Saturday morning we spoke on marriage and a slightly smaller, but just as engaged, group showed up for the seminar.  One of our constant themes is that marriage and parenting are inextricably bound together and the reciprocal effect is that they'll both suffer or both thrive, but it's nigh impossible for one to thrive while the other suffers.  It's a sobering truth for those who have given everything they have to their children at the expense of their marriage, to hear that their children would fare better with less good parenting if it were replaced with a thriving marriage.  Though seemingly counter-intuitive, it is a truth agreed upon by both secular and Christian therapists.  Having a growing marriage and thriving kids is what we all want, but for most of us, we struggle for that to be a reality.

We were humbled to receive this from one of the attendees:

"It was truly a joy and a privilege to hear Paul and Virginia Friesen speak on marriage and parenting at AACS.   Delivering humble, honest teaching paired with story-telling that is at times both poignant and humorous, the Friesens bring a message of hope to families today, with Christ placed firmly at the center.  My husband and I walked away not only with the desire to grow in our marriage and parenting skills, but also with practical tips and tools for achieving our goals in these areas.  Relevant, inspiring, and challenging...exuding a love for God and for others...the Friesens are the real deal!" 

Besides speaking, we spent a chunk of time with our dear friend Doris, who is now a single mom raising her 3 little girls.  We have such deep hearts for Doris.  She is not just a survivor; she is determined to thrive and to create a home environment in which her daughters will also thrive.  We're always inspired by time with Doris and this was no exception.

We also had the joy of spending an afternoon with Paul's sister and brother-in-law, Ron and Joyce Rottschafer, who drove in from Pentwater, MI, and their daughter and her family, Dave and Heidi Lemmerhirt and Daniel and Anna.  Over a delicious homemade meal of hot soup and muffins (perfect for this semi-winter day), we caught up on each other's lives and celebrated all that is good in shared DNA.  

Ron and Joyce (Friesen) Rottschafer and Heidi (Rottschafer) Lemmerhirt with husband Dave and children Daniel and Anna hosted us for lunch after speaking.  Great time of catching up with family.

The rest of the time, we were the recipients of the Wong's love.  They spoiled us.  They pampered us.  They gave us the pure "no-strings-attached" form of love.

Even more than their many indulgences, we loved the most hanging out with all five of them at times and just the four adults at times.  We had great conversations about life.  We learned about robotics and the upcoming International competition their team has been invited to.  We talked about health.  Exercise.  Eating.  We talked about church, parenting, marriage.  We talked about what works and what doesn't.  

We talked about how much we need the encouragement of one another to keep on keeping on, especially in the marriage and family realm as destruction in these precious-to-God units increases around us.  It would be oh-so-easy to give up and give in to worldliness, to settling, to missing the mark.

Maybe we're most at risk of losing hope and of giving up.  Since brokenness is part of all of our existence, we're vulnerable to taking the path of least resistance.  It was good to reinforce our collective commitment to pressing on and to becoming more Christlike.

All too quickly, our time in Ann Arbor came to an end and we flew in to Boston in the wee hours of the morning of Patriots Day, now aka "Boston Marathon Bombing."  I reflected on that tragic day in my last post, and though I immediately started writing this blog, the pace of the past three weeks, combined with a myriad of computer challenges, conspired against me getting this done.

Though 3.5 weeks have passed since Patriots Day, the weight of what happened that day is still very evident.  Flags around Boston  are still flying at half-staff.  News reports alternately replay the past with new revelations as they unfold.   Boston Strong's commercial aired by Major League Baseball, featuring Neil Diamond singing "Sweet Caroline" at Fenway, as well as the iconic song being sung at other ballparks around the country symbolizing solidarity, plays several times during telecasts of Red Sox games.  Each showing causes a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.  The make-shift memorial that grows daily in Copley Square, along with a  brightly be-ribboned fence along Boylston Street with each fabric tie carrying a message or a prayer handwritten by those united by common grief reminds us that healing takes a long time.

Scraps of fabric became messengers of prayers and expressions of grief, tied to an iron fence along Boylston Street.

Symbols of grief, expressed tangibly in Copley Square, remind us that we unite against some forms of evil.

Twelve hours separated us from the Wong's loving, selfless service and care and the selfish, cowardly, destructive act of violence against mankind at the marathon.  Degrees of difference.  Day and night.  Love and hate.  Life and death.

Though polarized in description, the truth is that these intermingle in all our hearts.  What happened at the Boston Marathon is a macrocosm of what happens in our homes.  We're convicted to keep pressing for selfless, in-the-light, life.  And to help others do the same.

Reflections on a race gone wrong

All over Logan airport in the wee hours of dawn today, they were wearing the electric blue and yellow 2013  Boston Marathon jackets, shirts, and caps.  Some wore medals around their necks.  Some were limping from blisters worn or muscles strained. The walking wounded were unmistakably identifiable.

Less than 48 hours after the 117th almost-traditional running of the hallowed Boston Marathon, the reality of what happened to interrupt this "life is good" Patriot's Day head-liner seemed to be suspended in the surreal, and the look of disbelief was on every face we saw, runners and non-runners, young and old, man and woman.  Were it not for the constant barrage of TV news coverage (looping with the same images over and over) and the front page of every newspaper on the rack, it could seem like it couldn't have possibly happened . . . that it was little more than a Hollywood rendering of an imagined disaster at the most storied marathon in American history.

How could something so good, so wholesome, so full of life, in 13 short seconds be turned into a scene not unlike a battlefield from war, ironically on the day commemorating the battlefield which launched the Revolutionary War?  How could the laughter, the cheering, the celebrations, the herculean accomplishments of so many vaporize in the acrid smell and deafening sound of "bombs bursting in air", creating panic, chaos, wounds, and death—just like that?

Against the backdrop of a much-prayed-for beautiful cool, spring day, more that 25,000 participants attempted to fulfill what their long and arduous training had prepared them for. They were ready for blisters, for muscle cramps, for dehydration, for glycemic levels to drop, for skin to chafe, for Heartbreak Hill, for the exhilaration of running in The Boston Marathon, and for the inimitable finish on Boylston Street among throngs of wildly cheering spectators. There's nothing like it. 

And as it turned out, there has never been anything like it. The unexpected "finish" to this legendary run is something no one has ever "prepared" for.  (Fortunately, the body of first responders and emergency and medical personnel in Boston were prepared or the list of dead or more seriously maimed would be much longer than it is.)  Who ever thinks that if you're in the right place, doing the right thing, surrounded by like kind, that a human-created tragedy of this nature would happen?  

After all, it's one thing when you're dealing with the aftermath of a natural disaster. Though many are still reeling from the effects of Hurricane Sandy in November and from Blizzard Nemo (and several of his friends) in February, throughout the land we're united as people dealing with the forces of nature. A human being is incapable of detonating storms of this magnitude, so we rally together to recover from such catastrophic events. They happen.  hey're part of the ebb and flow of natural episodes in meteorology.

But this. This strikes at the core of our confidence in humanity because "one (or more) of us"  did this to us. The vast majority of us cannot get our hearts and minds around the truth that we've been betrayed by our own. A human being (or beings) made and detonated the bombs with the intent of wounding and killing. It was pre-meditated. It was calculated. In cold blood.

Much was lost on Monday. From 2:50 p.m. onward, for hours that seemed eternal, "everyone and everything" seemed lost. Still-competing runners lost the finish line.  Spectators lost those they were there for. Backpacks and gear lost their owners. Designated volunteers lost their specified tasks. First Aid tents lost their purpose as they were repurposed as emergency rooms. Cell phones lost their reception. The beauty of the day was lost. The celebration of great accomplishments was lost. Lives were lost. Limbs were lost. Peace was lost. Innocence was lost.  

But in a strange twist, hatred and enmity were also lost, or more accurately, were re-focused from petty rivalries and dysfunctional relationships, from socio-economic class warfare, from ethnic and political tensions to One Common Enemy. Evil. Differences aside, rich and poor, black and white, Republican and Democrat, Yankees and Red Sox fans lost the drive to be against one another and united to be against the Evil that caused the Boston Marathon and Patriot's Day to be forever changed.  

The losses will continue to take their toll for days, weeks, months, years—and even a lifetime, for some. Though a modicum of "normal" will resume eventually, it will return as a "new normal", much like what exists at airports today as a nod to the 9/11 attacks in 2001.  Rivalries will resurface.  Our differences will at some point take center stage. "Sweet Caroline" will return to its exclusive place in Fenway Park.

Unless we decide to unite to fight the Real Enemy. The bombs were set by humans who have given themselves over to Extreme Evil. Hatred. Darkness. Hopelessness.

But truth be told, that very evil exists within each of us who would be human. It manifests itself in much lesser ways—at least, that are quantifiable by physical damage.  At the root of all evil is my selfishness. In a belief that "it's all about me." In petty jealousies and fleeting or not so fleeting thoughts which wish ill on others. In living for my own happiness.  Because I deserve it. 

Heroic acts were performed in legion numbers on Monday.  Some risked their lives to save others. People helped people. You need blood? You need a ride?  You need a bed?  You need a medal?  You need help?  You need a tourniquet?  You need to be carried? There was no shortage of good will and sacrifice on Monday.

That could be true on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, too.  We could emerge from this having lost much, but having gained more. Having lost a blind eye to the evil lurking in my soul, driving my self-centeredness, and choosing to live differently. With a heart for others that translates in to serving them. Loving them. Sacrificing for them.

In the words of Jim Elliot, who gave everything he had to sacrificially love others, "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose."  

This is Boston.  

Latent Spring

It's hard to believe we've actually been home two and a half weeks, which records as our longest stretch in 2013 between now and  this coming August.  We've thoroughly enjoyed reacquainting ourselves with our home, our neighborhood, our local friends...and have been rudely awakened by our list of "to-do's" around the house (which can seem non-existent when we're out and about) as well as mounting piles of paperwork, mail, etc.  Though we've made some headway, much is still unfinished as we fly off to Detroit, MI, today, and this much we know....it will be just as we left it when we return in four days for a brief two days before flying to California next week.

It's also hard to believe we've been home from Uganda for 3.5 weeks.  It still feels close enough to touch and we find ourselves praying for the pastors and their wives regularly and asking Derek and Julie for updates on these precious folks.  Plans are in the works for our return, during which time we'll focus on continuing to train the pastors to teach their congregations the beauty of God's design for family and marriage.

Early on Wednesday, March 20, we re-entered life.  Driving in much-needed California “liquid sunshine,” we made our way to Bridgeway Christian Church in Rocklin to speak to their Mom2Mom group.  What an energetic gathering of about 150 moms! They were certainly not going to let rain keep them away from this morning of "group therapy":  childcare, yummy snacks, adult conversation in small groups, connection with mentors, and a talk to boot.  So they came, and they listened.  The topic of "In-laws" is always a popular one as we deal realistically with some of the challenges of this dynamic relationship which is problematic to a degree in 3 out of 4 marriages.  Lots of tears, lots of questions, and lots of stories followed the talk, and all agreed that not enough teaching is done on this topic.  

The leadership team for Mom2Mom at Bridgeway Church is doing a fantastic job of serving their young moms.

We had a lunch business meeting with a team from Bayside who lead the "Second Half Ministry" to the 55 years and older crew.  We'll be speaking to their group in April, so it was helpful to meet with the planning team to gain a vision for their expectations.  It was a wonderful group and a productive time, led by Allen Hearl (and his lovely wife, Karen, who is battling cancer currently and therefore not with us that day).

Back to our predictable schtick, we also spoke that night at the third consecutive monthly "Date Night" at Bayside.  It was an enlightening evening, we were told by many who attended.  There were "aha!" moments as we talked through respect, love, and submission by partnering Genesis 3:16—the curse—with Ephesians 5, the response.  We love teaching on this subject because we identify the many distortions of submission and headship and recommend their disposal, while retaining the Biblical, Christ-as-the-model for both headship and submission understanding of the Ephesians 5 passage.  This is so clarifying, regarding what plagues every marriage to some degree, and so hope-giving in terms of the potential of "reversing the curse."  It was a great night.

Up early the next morning to drive to Truckee, a small town at the gateway of Lake Tahoe.  We were so happy to be back with Sierra Bible Church, with whom we partnered three years ago.  Wayne and Sandy Hoag lead this vital church with integrity and passion. We love their hearts. We love their boldness.  We love their confidence in Biblical truth. Great people. A true honor to partner with them.

In our days there, we spoke to their MOPS group, to their junior/senior high students and parents about sexual purity, to their couples date night, Paul to their men's breakfast, and we taught at all three services on Sunday.  In all settings, we found great openness and receptivity to the teaching.  

Our hosts for the weekend, Randy and Joy Hitchcock, filled in the "blanks" with a delightful dinner at their home one night and an invigorating hike one afternoon. Lake Tahoe is in their backyard and is truly a crown jewel of geographic beauty.  We hiked to the Vikingsholm in Emerald Bay and were captivated by its beauty.  And hanging out with the Hitchcocks was icing on the cake.

Sierra Bible Church's leadership team, headed by Wayne Hoag (standing right next to me) are vitally impacting the Truckee community for Christ.

Randy and Joy Hitchcock (and their sons Chad and Cooper and dog Blizzard) were very caring hosts for our Truckee ministry tour.

An overnight stop with our dear friends Scott and Sally and lunch with more dear friends John and Marilyn took us up to our flight out of San Francisco airport late Monday afternoon and the end of our just over 3-week-long trip was in sight.

It seemed like we had been gone a really long time when we flew into Boston on Tuesday, March 26, in the wee hours of the morning.  We had only been home six days since the beginning of February, so I guess that's why it felt like we hadn't been home.  :)

We did jump right into it, but truthfully felt ready to do that since our recovery from Uganda had happened in California.  The week leading up to Easter was full of appointments, counseling and otherwise, and it felt really good to know we wouldn't be packing our bags for a couple of weeks.

For the first time in years, we hosted Easter at our home.  What a joy!!!   We flew Lisa home for the occasion and had a blast Saturday  watching JMU play Northeastern in baseball (would've been more fun had we won, but...), shopping at the farmer's market by the North End, having cappuccino and pastries at Cafe Vittoria, walking to and through the Public Gardens and visiting the ducklings who were sporting Easter bonnets, and eventually having dinner in the city using a very expired gift card (which was honored).  It was a gorgeous spring day, which I now know was the exception during this "spring is a calendar date at best" season, and we squeezed everything we could out of it.  Easter Sunday was glorious.  After worshiping, we hosted 10 around our table and had great fellowship and food until we had to come to a quick close to get Lisa to the airport on time for her 6 p.m. flight back to Virginia.  

The Public Gardens at sunset on Easter Sunday Eve . . . Mama Duck and her ducklings in their own Easter Parade.

Easter Sunday dinner . . . delightful time with friends, yummy food, great fellowship, and the resurrection.  Can't improve on that!

Home the next week as well, we had a H.I.M. Board meeting and finalized details on our newest book, due to be released May 1.  The Marriage App:  Unlocking the Irony of Intimacy is at the printers as we speak, after a long, laborious labor.  A "ninth hour" crew of very creative friends helped make it come together with a cover design, as Guy and Barbara Steele kept their "nose to the grindstone" to complete editing it to its print-ready state.  None of our books would ever see the light of day were it not for these two and we are so, so grateful.  More will be coming on the book soon.

A highlight of the week was speaking at MOPS at the North Shore Community Baptist Church.  Love that ministry!   Two days later we hosted a full weekend of Engagement Matters April 6 and 7.  Nineteen couples crowded into the Macraes' home in Weston for the weekend to interact on God's design for marriage.  It's no secret that we love this weekend, and this group was especially interactive and appreciative of the teaching.  Some of the comments we received from attendees include:

"This weekend has deepened our understanding and strengthened the foundation of our relationship, and also raised challenging questions for us to consider."

"It has helped us identify areas to work on and be aware of, helped us to think of positive changes we can make to strengthen our relationship, and to not be afraid to take as much time as is necessary to be sure and ready."

"The weekend was so positive.  It has reinforced our decision to be married one day while also giving us a reality check and opening our eyes to safeguards, boundaries, and practical things we can do to help our relationship."

We had a great group of couples for our April Engagement Matters weekend.

After a few more speaking engagements, some counseling, and more organizational work at home, we packed our bags and flew to Detroit.  I'll write about that wonderful weekend in my next post, with hopes that spring will have sprung and "latent spring" will be no more.

Well, apparently spring has sprung in Ventura, and Brandon doesn't seem to mind the chilly water.  No nerve endings in kids!

Uganda Update #9 (Wrap-up)

Dear Ones,

We're writing now from rainy Sacramento, California, and it seems almost impossible that just days ago we were in the equatorial heat of Uganda.  Bumpy roads have been replaced by fast moving freeways, littered slums have been replaced by beautiful clean tract neighborhoods, and mosquito nets have not been replaced.

As different as symbols of life are between these two worlds, the challenges when it comes to marriage and family are strikingly similar.  Tonight we spoke on the curse's impact on love and respect in marriage at Bayside's monthly couples' date night, and we were reminded of the centrality of this issue which supersedes culture and generation.  Just last week, we spoke with many Ugandan couples who affirmed that wives who feel unloved and husbands who feel disrespected are common in Ugandan marriages.  

As the dust settles on our days in Uganda, we continue to be so deeply grateful for this opportunity to encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ around the globe.  We truly felt the days were anointed and fruitful, which is the work of God, not of ourselves.  

Our final day, driving from Mbale to Kampala, was full of the delights of being with Derek and Julie.  We had a couple of great meals and visited with some of their dearest friends in Kampala before flying out just before midnight on Saturday, March 16th.  Nine hours later we landed in Brussels, and had a five-hour layover, which is just about what was needed for me to get my Kindle retrieved from the seat pocket of the plane . . . where I had left it.  Those of you who have heard us teach on temperaments know that I don't typically leave things behind, so you'll also understand why Paul thoroughly (quietly) enjoyed  the shoe being on the other foot for a bit.  He was most gracious and refrained from making any comments, but I knew what he was thinking.  :) 

While in Kampala, we had tea with Derek and Julie's good friends, Drs. Andrew and Sarah Hodges.  Andrew is a plastic surgeon, operating on children with cleft palates and other deformities, and Sarah is an anesthesiologist.  Both are devoted to Christ.

Bob and Martha Wright and 3 of their 5 children were also at the Hodges. The Wrights are missionaries in Karamoja and are also dear friends of Derek and Julie's. What a treat to see them as well!

On to Washington, D.C. we flew, and nine hours later, we landed there to go through customs.  Our much shorter layover was just enough to get to our next flight, and six hours later we landed in Sacramento.  So 48 hours after leaving Mbale, we checked into a hotel and it took the next 24 hours to feel somewhat human again.  We have been very thankful for the 48 hours we have had in Sacramento to catch up on sleep and readjust to time zones before our five-day speaking tour began.

This wraps up Uganda 2013.  Thanks again for your prayers and support and please continue praying especially for the pastors in Mbale who are faithfully teaching the Word of God to their congregations.  Pray for their marriages and their families.  Pray for their protection, both physically and spiritually.  

Pastor Nelson and Agnes provide leadership for multiple pastors in their denomination and are committed to scriptural integrity and gospel-centered living.

Pastor David and Christine came to the pastors’ retreat with a 5-day-old baby girl—their 5th child.  Christine was thankful for the meals and the rest afforded her by the retreat.  What a trooper!

Pastor Charles and Sarah wrote that the conference had changed them significantly.  Dear, precious people.

Sending our love from California—

Virginia (and Paul)

Uganda Update #8

Friday, March 15, 2013

Our final greetings from Mbale on the "Ides of March"—

We're finding it quite unbelievable that our time in Africa is so quickly coming to a close.  This is the last night we'll sleep in Mbale on this trip.  Early in the morning we'll make our way to Kampala and Entebbe, and then we'll fly out tomorrow night for the USA.  The time has flown and we'll be processing these 12 days for a long time to come.

All day today was spent at the CURE Children's Hospital, much to our delight.  We love that place . . . even if it weren't run by our son-in-law.  It is a sanctuary of peace, beauty, healing, and hope in the midst of much despair and disorganization so characteristic of developing countries.  Inside the compound, on the beautiful, clean gardenesque grounds, it is inconceivable that poverty, filth, and chaos exist just outside the gates.  This hospital is a place of grace.

We started the day by speaking at the all-staff chapel.  It was a thrill to return to this group, with whom we spent so much time last September. They were so kindly welcoming and warm, and seemed to appreciate our message on sacrificial love.

Julie and I then made rounds in the very full ward, checking in on mamas and babies.  Each mama seemed to so appreciate our small interaction. These are courageous women, who keep alive their "big-headed" babies rather than disposing of them. My emotions ran the gamut of admiration to heart-break, from hope to despair, from joy to sorrow. One of our little babies was here in September when we were here, and since they've not been able to control the infection in her brain, she is not doing well. The mama is trying to be strong in the face of a not very hopeful prognosis and clings to the promises of God.  I wept for her, especially after hearing that this child follows multiple miscarriages.   

Somewhat unusual, both Mama and Papa came with this precious child.

This mama and baby flew in from the Congo for evaluation at CURE and Derek and Julie warmly welcomed her.

I chatted happily with the mamas I had made beads with yesterday and was energized by Christine's growing excitement about developing a bead-making business when she returns to Ft. Portal.  Her baby is doing well, so she leaves with much hope for her future.

Christine is all set to return to her village with her healthier baby and her bead-making instructions.

In the afternoon, many mamas returned to the hospital for ongoing support and instructions in caring for their children whose lives have been saved at CURE over the past many years.  It was so gratifying to see children—who would not have survived without the interventions they received at CURE—thriving!  They were so precious.

This little girl had surgery at CURE last year and is doing really well. She is "growing into her head" which is no longer growing.

The little girl on the far right was operated on by CURE surgeons a number of years ago and has a very bright future.

This little boy has spina bifida and was operated on by CURE when he was very small. He navigates amazingly well on his crutches.

It was life-giving to be in that place of healing today.  Physical healing.  Spiritual healing.  All for the glory of God.  We leave inspired.

After having tea with a friend at day's end, we had a lovely dinner out with Derek and Julie to mark the end of our time together, and are now packed and ready to hit the road early in the morning.

We were further encouraged today to receive this note from one of the pastors who attended the pastor's marriage retreat:

Derek:  I write this mail to send my appreciation for all the great things you did for us in Jinja. Please send my gratitude to Dr. Paul and Virginia without forgetting your wonderful wife.  My marriage and family has not remained the same because of the teachings and words of counsel that we got there.

Thank you again for standing with us, for your prayers, and for rejoicing with the good news.  We are deeply grateful—and further changed.  God is so good.

Our love,

Virginia (and Paul)

Uganda Update #7

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Greetings from Mbale—

A huge thunder and lightening storm has moved out after dominating this evening, leaving behind a coolness in the air that is welcomed after a very hot but lovely day.  We've had a modified Sabbath today, and it's been good to recuperate a bit after the fullness of the retreat.

We have had several uncommon-to-us, but common-to-Ugandan experiences today.  In the early morning, we were gifted with a bunch of homegrown, very sweet bananas and a live chicken from one of Derek and Julie's colleagues (and friend).  We were happy to peel the bananas, but not so keen on "unpeeling" the chicken, which would provide our evening meal.  Fortunately, we were not called to do that, and Derek's willingness to do it was thwarted by a late departure from the hospital.  Hence, we returned home to a non-living, fully dressed chicken (or undressed???)—the deed had been done by their guard/groundskeeper.  Some time later we sat down to a delicious chicken dinner a la Derek and were amazingly able to drive away images of the very lively chicken delivered only hours before.  This is Uganda.

John, the groundskeeper/security guard for Derek and Julie, holds the gift of the chicken, delivered to their compound this morning.

Nine hours later: John has altered the state of the chicken, which now will be our dinner.

And a delicious dinner it was.  The circle of life?

Paul, Julie, and I relaxed at home this morning, doing quiet times and catching up on life a bit.  We also walked to the Mt. Elgon Hotel pool and thoroughly enjoyed relaxing there for a bit before heading in to the hospital for the afternoon.  It was like a homecoming, greeting the many hospital staff we spent so much time with last August/September.  Our hearts are deep for these dear people and we loved reconnecting with them. 

A couple of refreshing hours were spent at the Mt. Elgon Hotel pool and gardens.  So relaxing!

One of the pastoral couples who had attended the retreat asked to meet with us for some counseling, so that was also part of the afternoon.  They admitted to having a very difficult time in their marriage, but both seemed ready to take responsibility for where they were and begin to work towards reconciliation.  It was a very precious time with them, and besides praying with them that they would have a vision of hope for their marriage, we suggested that they connect with an older ministry couple here as a mentoring couple.   Pray for this couple!

I was thrilled to sit with some of the mamas and learn to make the paper bead necklaces which have become a popular gift-item for many who come to Africa.  At CURE, the mamas are taught how to make them as a possible cottage industry—a way for them to make money when they return to their villages.  I've been curious about how they're made ever since receiving my first string of beads four years ago, so it was quite a treat to be taught this trade today.  I don't know how many I'll make, but I do know I'll be saving magazines and other brightly colored glossy paper to bring with us on our next trip!

Sister Miriam, Spiritual Care Director for CURE, visits with the babies who patiently wait while their mamas make beads.

Simon Peter, on CURE’s spiritual team, teaches the mamas how to make the beads out of paper that otherwise would be trash.

Christine was very excited about learning this trade and made notes to take with her back to Ft. Portal so she could continue at home.

The finished product, ready to sell to help defray some of the operating costs of the hospital.

Home through “traffic," for a wonderful walk during the setting sun, that delicious chicken dinner, and a sweet time of fellowship with missionary friends of Derek's and Julie's.

This was the "traffic" that slowed us down on the way home.  This is Africa.

We have a full day tomorrow, starting with teaching at the CURE all-staff chapel at 8 am, so we're headed to bed.  We've been SO encouraged to receive several emails and posts from participants in the pastors retreat, relating how God is changing marriages.  God is SO good.

Sending much love and appreciation from Mbale—

Virginia (and Paul)

Uganda Update #6

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Greetings from Mbale—

We are safely back in Julie and Derek's sweet home after three of the most meaningful days we've experienced in ministry.  God met us extravagantly and we are both exhausted and exhilarated.

We wrapped up the Pastors’ Conference this morning with rich worship, sincere times of prayer, and sharing testimonies of how God had met us in these days.  It was deeply moving to hear from the hearts of these dear people how God had touched them. 

Our last meeting was held outdoors at Kingfishers Resort, under the shade of a beautiful tree.

Robert, Esther, and Praise

Many of them wrote us notes to share with those who had made this retreat possible, so I'm going to include some of their thoughts here.  Their words will tell it better than mine.

"I've been heartily blessed by the quality of information, the quality of environment you booked us in, the way the program was tailored together—not too hectic, but relaxed, yet also focused; the team spirit in which Paul and Virginia flow as they minister as a couple, complementing each other.  All the above and more have spoken a lot about the value you attach to the health of the marriages in the church ministries which in turn feeds into the health of the church and the nation."

Phillip and Rose

"You have made a big difference in many couples' lives and in ours particularly.  I have experienced healing in our marriage like never before.  May God richly and abundantly bless you."

"There is no way my wife and I could have extended to ourselves such a privilege to come away to listen to Paul and Virginia teach on marriage and family.  Our lives have been greatly enriched both as a couple and as ministers.  Thank you so much for praying and giving so this would be possible."

Simon Peter and Margaret

"It has blessed our lives and family to discover God's greatest plan and value for a family.  It has inspired me and my family to raise our children in the Word of God."

As we hugged each person good-bye, many said, "There are no words for what this means to us.  Thank you."

Pastor Wilberforce and Sarah

But perhaps one of the most precious statements made was by a woman who had been married for 15 years.  She had been widowed earlier, and came into her current marriage with 3 children.  Apparently she and her husband got married and went directly home to the children.  She whispered to me, "This was my first honeymoon.  Thank you!"

Lots of tears.  Lots of love.  Lots of special moments.  And lots of praise to God!  All glory is His.  We assured those who felt they were leaving "changed" that it was God who had changed them; not our words or the beautiful setting.  And that He was going with them, to give them the power they would need to do the "one thing" we encouraged them to identify as their focus as they returned home.

Martin and Jassy

Thank you for standing with us!  We have felt very upheld by your prayers.  Please pray for protection now for each of these dear couples as they return to the same difficult situations they left on Monday.  What isn't the "same" is them.  Praise the Lord!!

Tomorrow . . . CURE Hospital.  Can't WAIT to see our friends there and to encourage those mamas and their babies.

Much love,

Virginia

Uganda Update #5

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Greetings at the end of day 2 of the Pastor's Conference!

It has been a very, very full day, and we are exhausted—but overflowing with gratitude and joy.  God has met us in such remarkable ways throughout this day, it's almost surreal.

At the end of last night, we distributed their "goodie bags" (thanks in part to Kelly Plosker and Helen Challener, who sent some of the contents with us!)  The delight on the face of each one when receiving their bag was priceless.  They seemed overwhelmed to be gifted in yet another way.  Today we've had several questions regarding the contents . . . and so we've learned that we need to label items and maybe even state each one’s use.  The little bottles of bubbles we included were unidentifiable to them.  We heard that some thought they were perfume, while others thought they were body oil.  After we demonstrated them, they were quite amused.  :)  We were asked what the purpose of "conditioner" was, and one asked about the sweets (gummy hearts) that seemed like gum, but then disappeared.  It was great fun helping them understand these unfamiliar items.  

Julie and I filled the goodie bags for each couple—they were a big hit.

It was raining when we wakened this morning and I'll admit that my heart sank a bit thinking of the implications of rain on our outdoor retreat.  Thankfully, it subsided by mid-morning, after washing everything off and settling the dust, so we were even able to take tea outdoors!  A blessing.

Today we tackled some difficult subjects, including teaching on the effects of the fall (Genesis 3:16) in tandem with the "solution" to "reversing the curse" from Ephesians 5, as well as on marital sexuality.  If the first talk was challenging, it was nothing compared to the second one, since sexuality is not addressed openly in Uganda—in or out of the church.  We tried to handle the subject very delicately and sensitively, and by God's grace, it was very well received.  Not entirely comfortably, for sure, but there was great reception.  The repercussions of such shame-driven silence has spawned many distortions and exploitations.  They seemed to understand that if they will not push beyond this generational legacy, however uncomfortable, their children will inherit the same unbiblical, ungodly view of sexuality.  This seems to make sense to them.

  

Our meetings were held indoors in this meeting room, but everything else was held outdoors.

Our last session today was on temperaments.  I must admit, we almost jettisoned it at the last moment, thinking "what relevance can this have here, when the needs in so many other areas are so great?"  But Derek and Julie urged us to teach as planned, and no other subject we presented has generated more discussion.  So many have commented on how helpful it was to understand that many of their areas of conflict are driven by their temperament differences.  :)

There has been more interaction throughout the day and we are amazed again by how similar the struggles are among married couples, whether residing in the USA or in Uganda.  Financial issues—from separate finances to not enough to make ends meet.  Communication issues—from frustrated women who feel left out of their husband's world because of his silence, to poor conflict management.  Sexual issues.  Time management issues.  The similarities are almost eerie against the backdrop of the huge differences culturally, economically, socially.  And yet the "solutions" are driven by Biblical truths and principles, which transcend all of those things.

We took a longer afternoon break so the couples could relax and enjoy the grounds. This place is spectacular.

We have loved being with these people of God and feel that He has allowed us to experience true unity as the Body of Christ.  We have loved seeing them embrace some new-to-them truths about marriage and family and are so humbled to be a small part of this process.

We send our love and gratitude again tonight—

Virginia (for Paul, too)

Uganda Update #4

Monday, March 11, 2013

Greetings from M'to Moyoni!

Today begins the Pastor's Conference!!  Early in the morning, the couples—some almost giddy with excitement—gathered at CURE Hospital to journey together about 2 hours west of here to Jinja, where the head waters of the Nile are found.  Our scheduled 8 am departure was right on African time . . . and the first taxi left soon after 9:00 am. :)  By 11:30 am, we were all transported to M'to Moyoni, a Christian retreat center on the Nile, where tea was awaiting our arrival.  Some of these customs we'd love to incorporate: morning and afternoon tea, for instance.  :)

Gathering at CURE Hospital early Monday morning, the expectations were high.

Tea time at M'to Moyoni provided needed breaks morning and afternoon for processing, connecting, and relaxing.

Invited to this "first ever" all-expenses-paid pastors conference were 18 couples who have been faithful to teaching the Word and being used by God very strategically in the Mbale area.  They were selected and invited by the head of the MEF (Mbale Elders Fellowship) as well as the head of JENGA, an NGO committed to serving the underserved in this area.  All were humbled by the invitation and cleared their schedules in order to attend.

The conference attendees—mostly from Mbale, but two couples from Kampala and two from Jinja also joined us.

During our first session, we began to understand how deeply grateful these pastors and their wives were for this incredible opportunity.  Most of them said they had never been on a retreat that served them.  Many of them receive little to no pay for their work in ministry.  They maintain another job to feed their families.  They are passionate about serving the Lord and the Body of Christ, but most do it with little reward.  They were truly humbled by the generosity of the Home Improvement Ministries community which had made this possible financially.  Thank you all again!

During the afternoon sessions, we spoke on the importance of balancing marriage, family, and ministry and about God's design for marriage.  Although the challenge is great to achieve balance for many in ministry, it seems more of a challenge here.  Because so many are bi-vocational and have spouses who also work, their marriages and families suffer for lack of attention and time.  They were so open to hearing how important it was to protect and invest in their marriages and families.  We felt right from the start that God's presence was with us and that His Holy Spirit was working among us.  We assured them that we were not here to teach them about western ideas regarding marriage and family, but our commitment was to be true to His Word, which is above culture.

The retreat center is beautiful.  It is an oasis.  A sanctuary.  A sacred place.  We all felt the tensions and pressures of the world melt away as we immersed ourselves in the therapeutic beauty of M'to Moyoni.  It was the perfect place for this event.

M'to Moyoni sits on a beautiful  piece of land, perched above the Nile. It was the perfect place to hold this conference.

After a satisfying Ugandan evening meal of rice, matoke, g-nut sauce, and meat, we transferred from M'to Moyoni to Kingfishers Safari Resort for sleeping.  M'to Moyoni doesn't have enough "bandas" to accommodate all of us, so we slept at Kingfishers, which is also on the Nile.  We actually didn't see any of it since we arrived after dark, so we'll discover its beauty tomorrow. 

We are beyond excited to be here, doing this, in spite of being very aware of our own human inadequacies.  We feel very connected to this wonderful group of co-laborers for the Gospel and feel strong in the Lord, knowing how many of you are praying for us and for this event.  Thank you again for making this possible.

There is no Internet here so we'll be sending these once we’re back in Mbale.

Gratefully,

Virginia

Uganda Update #3

Greetings at the end of this Lord's Day!

As the sun set over Mbale tonight, we were again filled an overwhelming sense of the love of God as seen in nature and as was experienced during worship this morning at Pearl Haven.  It's been a day filled with His goodness and grace.

We spent the morning with the brothers and sisters in Christ at Pearl Haven Christian Center, where Paul was invited to deliver the message.  He taught on "Finishing Well:  Three Life Lessons from the Life of Solomon" and I guess I'm allowed to say that he did a great job. It was practical and very applicable to life here.  Many seemed to appreciate the message.  Besides his teaching, the time of worship through song was lively, and any gaps that might have existed between our cultural backgrounds were closed as we sang "Days of Elijah" and other well-loved choruses.  The unity of the body of Christ is palpable in times like these.  It was refreshing and invigorating to share the morning with this congregation.

We met up with our California friends, Jan and HA Northington for lunch, and our plans to relax by the Mt. Elgon Hotel pool were dashed by a huge rainstorm that moved in right around 1 pm.  No worries.  We just lingered over lunch with our dear friends and then headed home for a nap.  Yes, you read it here.  Can't remember the last time we actually experienced rest on the Sabbath, but our whole household napped and it was lovely.

Derek and Julie stand with Jan and HA Northington, as Jan models her new Ugandan costume.

Paul and I took a nice walk after the rain had stopped and the naps had ended, and the Lord rewarded us with a gorgeous sunset.  A perfect ending to a renewing day.

First thing in the morning, we head to Jinja for the pastors’ conference.  We have a full house—22 couples—and we're hearing there is a high level of excitement about it.  We will likely not have internet access for the three days we're there, so there may be a lapse in our posting.  If there is a way, I'll continue to post—but if not, we should be back online on Wednesday.

Thanks for your continued prayers on our behalf.  We need you to continue.  As excited as we are about this retreat, we also find it somewhat daunting.  We covet your prayer covering.

Sending much love and appreciation from Uganda—

Paul and Virginia

Uganda Update #2

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Dear Friends and Family,

As thunder and lightening break the quiet reverie of this Saturday night, we reflect on the "showers of blessings" we've experienced this day.  Thank you for praying for our all-day marriage conference at Pearl Haven Christian Center.  God was with us.

Though the day started out slow for us, we're beginning to adjust to "Ugandan Time" and lower our expectations regarding schedules.  The conference was to start at 9, and actually started just after 10.  We could have started at 9, but we would have been speaking to an empty sanctuary.  :)  So we waited for a critical mass.  By 10, perhaps 30-40 had assembled; by noon we were up to 70-80.  This is Uganda.

The congregation was very receptive to the teaching and very interactive with questions.

At the request of Pastor Wilberforce, we spent the morning speaking on the design of marriage, beginning in Genesis, followed by the fall and the curse, and ending with the "antidote" to the implications of the curse found in Ephesians 5.  The concepts presented in these passages have not been well understood in this area, according to Wilberforce, and without these foundational truths, it's pretty impossible to live out a God-honoring marriage.  Each time we've taught on this subject here and have witnessed the receptivity of those listening, we know the Holy Spirit is doing a work.  It is very exciting.

A homemade lunch of rice, beef stew, chapatis, and bananas was served to all. Ugandan hospitality is impressive!

After a 1:30 lunch, we spoke on communication and then on marital sexuality.  The subject of communication, though difficult, is acceptable, but teaching on sexuality is not really done here.  We tried to be very respectful of that fact, knowing that this would be uncomfortable and uncommon for the couples in attendance to hear teaching on. Pastor Wilberforce felt it was very important to include in the day . . . and felt we would be better candidates to speak on it than he.  :)  We were so thankful that the Holy Spirit seemed to massage the message in a way that was not offensive, but rather welcomed.  There was a receptivity, almost a longing to hear a Biblical position on sexuality.  The distortions are as great here as they are in the States and truth is always freeing.  We felt very met by God.

The youngest among us: a 2 week old baby in the center. Impressive that parents of such young babies would join us for the day!

Throughout the day, numerous great questions were voiced, reminding us of the complexities of living in this culture.  One woman described her situation as having been divorced by her husband (with the support of his clan) after becoming a Christian.   He then took several more wives, but "all of them went sour" so he asked her to come back to him, without Jesus.  She asked if it was wrong to not go back with him; if she was dishonoring God by refusing his demands.  

There was a very sweet spirit in the place.  We stressed again that we were not bringing them a word from western culture, but from God's Word, which is bound by no culture.  We challenged them to be in His Word to learn how to become more Christ-like in their marriages. They expressed deep gratitude for the day, which ended at 4:30.

At the end of the day, Pastor Wilberforce and Sarah and Derek and Julie joined us in thanking the Lord for meeting us.

Imagine this: our long time friends, Jan and HA Northington, came to the marriage conference! They have been in Uganda for almost 3 weeks serving in different places, and to our delight, they were able to join us for the day.

So thank you for standing with us.  Thank you for praying for us.  Thank you for believing in what we're doing and helping to make it happen.

Tomorrow Paul will preach at Pearl Haven and then early Monday morning we'll be off on our Pastors Couples Marriage Retreat.  Julie and I made the goodie bags tonight and are having so much delight in trying to make this extra special for them.  Please continue praying for each of the couples as they have this "first ever" type of experience.

Thankfully Lisa returned to USA safely this morning and is spending sweet time with Uncle David and Aunt Laura before returning to her home in Harrisonburg tomorrow.  

It's time to hit the hay.  We are so thankful for health and stamina these days, especially in the very warm weather.  We're having wonderful fellowship with Derek and Julie and are so grateful to be able to partner with them in such practical ways.

Feeling very, very blessed-

Virginia (and Paul)

After all was said and done, we went for a walk with Derek and Julie which was the perfect ending of the day.  Breathing fresh air, moving our legs, and enjoying the beauty of Wanale (mountain in the background) was refreshing and renewing.

Uganda Update #1

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Greetings to all from Entebbe!

We left Boston's Logan Airport Monday, March 4, at 2 pm, not quite 24 hours after wrapping up our wonderful marriage conference in Newport, Rhode Island.  Fueled by prayers and many words of encouragement, we had great travel from Boston to Newark to Brussels, to Entebbe—and 30 hours after we left our home in Bedford, we landed in Entebbe, Uganda at 11 pm local time.  What a delight to be welcomed by Derek, Julie, and Lisa.

After doing some errands Wednesday morning, we drove north about 2 hours to Luwera, where New Hope Ministries is located. This incredible ministry was founded in 1986 by Jay and Vicky Dangers, who had a vision for providing a family experience to orphans.  For over 25 years now, they have faithfully served as their vision has evolved and expanded, all the while raising their own six children.  We have known the Dangers our whole adult life and had long heard of their ministry, so it was thrilling to get to see it first hand.  

The Dangers:  son Jeremiah, daughter Julia, Vicky, and Jay holding granddaughter Elizabeth, and Jenny, Elizabeth's adopted mom.

  

We spent all of today touring their grounds and seeing the fruit of their labors.  It was very, very inspiring.  We're hoping there will be opportunities to partner with them in the future.

Derek and Julie were also delighted to connect with New Hope and see many possibilities of collaborating with them in Uganda.  Especially meaningful to them was visiting the classroom of special needs children they're caring for at New Hope, and then getting to follow-up on a little boy who lives at New Hope and was operated on at their hospital last September. How gratifying to see this little guy doing so well after having a brain tumor removed by the CURE surgeons.  

The Special Needs class at New Hope praying together.

Derek and Julie were thrilled to see Israel who was operated on by their CURE staff in September to remove a brain tumor.  He is doing well, praise the Lord!

We drove back to Entebbe late afternoon and are now preparing to speak to a group of pastors from Kampala tomorrow morning.  We'll then drive to Mbale (about a 4 hour drive) and speak all day Saturday for a marriage conference hosted by Pearl Haven Church.  

Please pray for both of these events.  As always, we are so aware of the obstacles before us culturally, linguistically, and spiritually.  We are grateful to know we have partners around the world praying for us.

Pray also for Lisa who flies home tomorrow.  It will not be a happy farewell.  :(

Sending our love—

Virginia

------------------------------

Friday, March 8, 2013

Mbale, UGANDA

Dear All,

Today has been very, very full . . . and very, very good.  

Our day started very early as we were speaking on the other side of Kampala, and meeting Pastor Wilberforce at 8:45 am.  So after a great breakfast, complete with African tea, we tearfully said good-bye to Lisa, who flew out later in the day, and off we went to minister to a group of local pastors.

Very early Friday morning, we said good-bye to Lisa prior to leaving for our ministry event that morning.

We were so warmly welcomed and well received.  Many of them came up afterwards, asking us to return to teach their extended network of pastors on Biblical design for marriage and family.  They are dealing with the fallout of western culture's influence on their culture.  "Divorce is becoming more common in Uganda because our people see it happening in western culture."  A very sad commentary, for sure.

We loved our time with this band of faithful warriors and will gladly partner with them in the future as the Lord wills.

Paul and Pastor Wilberforce standing on the church grounds prior to our teaching session.

Richard and Rianna lead a marriage ministry at their church and were thrilled at the prospect of partnering.

Derek and Julie picked us up mid-afternoon, and after getting some provisions at the market, we made the 4-hour trip back to Mbale in 5 hours due to a horrific rain and lightening storm which struck not long after we left Jinja.  We were so thankful for Derek's expert skills in navigation on a very dark, stormy night, and were all so thankful to get to their home around 8 pm, safe and exhausted.

We stopped for a quick lunch at "Ozzies" in Jinja and had a few moments with Jude, the owner and operator of the cafe.

Please pray for us tomorrow as we'll speak at an all-day marriage conference for Pearl Haven Christian Center.  We are so honored to continue partnering with Pastor Wilberforce and Sarah, and covet your prayers that God will speak through us. We'll repeat some of what we did in September, but most of our presentation will be different material.

Paul will be preaching on Sunday at Pearl Haven, and then Monday thru Wednesday we'll be speaking for their first Pastors’ Marriage Retreat, sponsored by Home Improvement Ministries.  We are very grateful for the response from so many at the H.I.M. Marriage Conference at the Viking in Newport, Rhode Island, last weekend.  Many of you both assured us of your prayers and financially contributed.  More than enough was given to underwrite the retreat, and the extra funds will be used for contributing materials and other expenses associated with our ministry here.  Thank you!!!

We're so thankful for your interest in what we're doing and for your prayers that God will move in the hearts of those who attend, as we deal with the complex issues facing believers in Uganda.

Sending love from Mbale—

Virginia

Why do we have a home any more???

Paul’s longstanding proposal to sell our house and live in a hotel or RV made some sense this month as we touched down for a mere 24 hours after driving up from Harrisonburg, VA, on Feb. 6th, and flying out to California very early on the 8th.  And while we were home, we did 10 hours of counseling.  The non-stop flight to San Francisco was perfect for trying to fill our sleep deficit—which was good, because we hit the road running once we landed at SFO.  After a quick lunch with John and Marilyn Nugent, we drove the rental car up to Santa Rosa to speak for the Redwood Covenant Church's marriage conference.  Organized largely by Carter and Tracey Welch, long time H.I.M. partners, the conference was held in a beautiful community center and attended by many eager couples.  We're usually surprised to find at least a couple or two attending a conference who we've known from years gone by, and this was no exception.  Monica Ramsey served at CBS about 30 years ago and we hadn't seen her since.  It is SO encouraging to reconnect with people decades later and see how their ongoing commitment to the Lord has grown.  That was a definite highlight of the weekend.

We were so thankful the conference went well, and also thankful that we got to visit Garth and Rosemary Dougan, who live in Santa Rosa.  How we love these two!  Garth celebrated his 90th birthday last October, and he seemed younger than he did at 89.  Thankfully his health is good and he and Rosemary are registered to attend family camp this summer.  Yay!!!  Before leaving Santa Rosa,  we joined all five Welches for dinner and enjoyed catching up with each of them.

Garth and Rosemary Dougan stand by a photo taken of them about 67 years ago.  :) How sweet is this??

We drove to Sacramento that night (2 hours away) and had a happy reunion with Gabe, Kari, and Brandon.  These were bittersweet days as we helped them pack up for their move to Santa Clarita the next Tuesday.  Sacramento has been the only home Kari has had since graduating from college, and it's been Gabe's home his whole life.  Pulling up deep roots isn't easy, but fortunately they've been equipped with "wings to fly" to their new home 5 hours south.  They have no doubt that God is directing this move and as I write, they've completed two weeks on their new church staff at Grace Baptist Church—and they're loving it.

Monday night we had the privilege of speaking to a dinner event for Bayside staff and their spouses who had been married five (or so) years or less.  Carol Johnston and Sally Shaull set a beautiful "restaurant-esque" evening in the Johnston home and served a fabulous meal.  We spoke on challenges to marriage because of ministry and thoroughly enjoyed working with Ray and Carol, the co-hosts and interviewers.  Evenings like that are among our favorites.

Gabe, Kari, and Brandon left Granite Bay on Tuesday, and the next night we spoke at the second "Couples' Date Night" at Bayside Church.  Happily lacking in the drama which accompanied our first date night the previous month (see our blog post about that), we got to the church early and loved giving the evening presentation on temperaments in marriage.  It was fun and well-received and we heard from many who felt it was very helpful.

Over 900 attended the second-in-the-series Couples Date Night at Bayside Church of Granite Bay.

Making sure that no moss would grow under our feet, we hopped a flight first thing Thursday morning to Burbank, California, to speak for a Valentine's event in Yorba Linda (Orange County area). The date night was co-hosted by The Rock Church and Calvary Community Church of Brea, and it was also held in a community center.  It was beautifully done and we felt honored to be there.  We spoke following dessert, transitioning it from a romantic Valentine's dinner to a date-with-a-purpose.  We loved working with Brent and Melissa Slezak on this event.  They again did a great job (this is the third year in a row we've partnered with them), but even more, the vitality of their relationship is inspiring and we always enjoy being with them.

With Brent and Melissa Slezak . . . love these guys!

It's pretty cool that before Gabe took the job at Grace Baptist, we were booked to do a marriage conference for that church . . . that weekend.  God is full of delightful surprises!  We felt so blessed to get to stay with them in their "new temporary" home that weekend, and that they got to attend the marriage conference.  Very cool.  

Any chance we get to partner with David Hegg, we grab.  As the senior pastor of Grace Baptist, David is committed to healthy marriages as well as to accurate Biblical teaching.  He and Cherylyn attended the conference (it’s not always a given that the senior pastor will be present at such events) and we were reminded of how important it is for the leadership of a church to buy-in to such a conference.  We were impressed with how interactive the attendees were.  They were making it worth their time.

David and Cheylyn Hegg and Gabe, Kari, and Brandon, on staff at Grace Baptist Church in Santa Clarita, CA

The next few days were spent helping Gabe and Kari settle in to their temporary housing, exploring the area with them, and stocking the fridge.  It was such a gift to have some days with them during their big transition.  We also made a quick day trip to San Diego to visit my parents.  My mom had just been diagnosed with "angio sarcoma," a fast growing malignant cancer spawned by the radiation used to treat her breast cancer seven years earlier.  Thankfully, a CT scan confirmed that it had not metastasized and a lumpectomy days later was all that was needed.  We are all feeling very blessed.  

Brandon visits Sea World in San Diego while visiting his Great Grammie. The move south has some pretty sweet perks!

We flew home on Tuesday, counseled on Wednesday, had meetings all day Thursday, Paul spoke to a singles group at Tremont Temple Thursday night, and Friday we drove to Glens Falls, New York, to do a second "annual" marriage conference for Pine Knolls Alliance Church.  (It's becoming clearer to me why I feel like we haven't been home.)

Before the conference started Friday night, we spoke for lunch for local pastors, hosted by PKAC.  Senior pastor Steve VanDixhorn has a deep commitment to networking with other local churches and this event was an affirmation of that.  We had a blast interfacing with a wonderful group of pastors "in the trenches," and we encouraged them to not let the demands of ministry rob their marriages.  

The conference launched that night and continued the whole next day (until 4 pm) and we felt God met us profoundly.  We were privileged to hear from several who attended last year's conference and whose marriages had been transformed, and we heard from many this year who left feeling much more hopeful that they had when they arrived.  It was evident that God was at work.

Our plans to have dinner with Richard and Amy Dean (Amy coordinated the whole conference again) and Steve and Ann-Marie VanDixhorn were scrapped due to threatening weather, so we ended up driving home that night and we were glad we did.  The storm did come and it would've been very hard to have made it home Sunday reasonably.  We did hate to miss the evening and church at PKAC on Sunday, but we couldn't afford to get stranded.

With Richard and Amy Dean at the end of the Pine Knolls Alliance Church marriage conference. Amy worked tirelessly to make this happen.

That also bought us an extra day at home.  :)  That was good.  We made good progress packing trunks for Uganda and procuring supplies for the trip on Sunday and Monday, which was really good, because we counseled on Tuesday, and then picked up our marriage conference speakers (David and Carrie Tebay) late afternoon.  We spent the evening with them, introducing them to Legal Seafoods, and left them at a hotel with our car because we flew to Orlando on Wednesday, the 20th.  

The Pro Athletes Outreach (PAO) conference began that night, with Lecrae kicking it off.  He is good, and I'm not a big rap fan.  We had so much fun reconnecting with ex-Pats and others we've developed relationships with through the 13 years we've been going to PAO.  We presented at a workshop on Thursday, hung out with couples, and squeezed everything we could out of the day, because at 4 am Friday, we left the hotel to catch our flight back to Boston.  

Admittedly, most of our crazy schedule is due to our planning, but in this case, the PAO conference was moved a week later than it's "always" been, but not until long after the rest of our winter/spring was mapped out.  Hence, we missed more than half of their conference and had to shoehorn in the day we were able to be there.  We so believe in the work of PAO it was worth it.

God had another big surprise for us on that trip.  On our flight from Newark to Orlando, our across the aisle mate was Gail MacDonald, my long time mentor and friend.  :)  It felt like pure gift to be able to catch up with her so unexpectedly.  Her husband Gordon was also on the flight, but they only got one "upgrade" and he kindly gave it to her.  It was great to see him as well.  

We left the PAO conference to return to Boston in time to launch our H.I.M. annual marriage conference held at the Viking Hotel in Newport, Rhode Island.  The conference was sold out with 130 couples, which was exciting, and we were fully energized in spite of our tiredness by the presence of the Lord.  There were so many highlights!  Thirty-two of the couples attending had been married 6 years or less - and most of them were graduates of Engagement Matters.  Very exciting.  About a third of the couples were new to H.I.M. as they attended their first H.I.M. event.  David and Carrie Tebay, from Calvary Community Church of Brea in California, were the plenary session speakers and were well received as they communicated in real, practical ways how to live a gospel-driven marriage.  Several new workshops were among the seven offered twice during the weekend, and very popular was Christopher and Dorothy Greco's workshop dealing with forgiveness.  Also well received was a new workshop Paul and I did on "How to Help Friends in Marital Crisis"—more than 60 chose to attend, and the 1 hr 15 mins time period seemed way too short.

Dave and Carrie Tebay were the main session speakers at the Newport Marriage Retreat.

Christopher and Dorothy Greco led an excellent workshop on forgiveness.

Danny and Rayna Oertli led worship again and were joined by another guitarist, Kevin Hanly, and a percussionist, Erik Kerr.  Many will remember Erik and Marlene from Grace Chapel in the 90's and beyond—both incredibly talented musicians who led worship at Grace Chapel's night service for years.  It was great to reconnect with them, to have their talent on the stage and their friendship off the stage.  Together they made a great band, which was good for the larger crowd in the larger room. 

Danny and Rayna Oertli, together with Kevin Hanly and Erik Kerr, led worship.

Kelly Plosker took on the task of creating an environment for the conference and creatively transformed an already beautiful ballroom into a warm embrace to all who entered.  Simple but elegant.  That's what Kelly does.  Lovely centerpieces.  Sweet goodie bags.  A welcoming registration table.  It's amazing how the little things, like adorable tags on the bags of Paul's "World Famous Chocolate Chip Cookies", make such a difference in ambience.  She thought of everything.

Sue Martis and Barbara Steele, H.I.M. assistants, both put copious amounts of time into preparing for this conference and we obviously couldn't have done it without them.  It was a great gift to us to be able to cruise in from the PAO conference, after having been in town only six days since Feb. 1 (and three of those were counseling days) to a well prepared for conference of our own.  We are so blessed to have such an amazing team around us, with those two at the helm.

Part of the team behind the H.I.M. marriage conference, after all was said and done.  Great group!

With the Uganda trip so much on our mind due to our departure the day after the conference, we shared with the conferees the agenda for our 12-day ministry tour, highlighting the H.I.M.-sponsored and underwritten Pastors’ Retreat which will be held in Ginja March 11-13.  We were deeply touched by their response, both in assurances of prayer and in financial partnering, and leave for this trip feeling very supported.

Most gratifying to us were the many couples at the conference who affirm that the health of their marriage has been significantly and positively impacted  by the work of H.I.M.  Numerous couples there attributed their intact marriage to the hand of God working through H.I.M.  It was truly humbling to hear story upon story of God using the well-meaning but meager offerings of this fledgling organization to affect marriages, families, and eternity.   

We're all too aware that we can't change lives, but He can.  And in ways we'll never fully understand, He allows us to have some small role in that.  What a privilege to be on His team, helping to make a difference . . . one marriage at a time.

Now, about that RV idea . . . It's gaining no traction with me.  But many more months like this, and I might be more open to it.  

Oops: looks like we'll only be home 5 days in March.  Yikes!

All over the map

After getting Derek and Julie off to Uganda on January 14 and counseling all day the 15th, we took flight from Boston early the 16th for a speaking engagement that evening at Bayside Church of Granite Bay, California.  This view from the window of the plane on the tarmac at Logan became quite familiar after an unexpected early arrival of snow paralyzed the airport.  Three hours after scheduled take-off, two trips to the end of the runway, and two de-icings later, we were on our way to Denver, knowing we had missed our connecting fight to Sacramento and praying there would be a way to "get us to the church on time."

For the first time in the ten years we've been on the road with H.I.M., we almost missed a speaking engagement.  The best we could do from Denver was to fly into San Francisco, arriving at 4:23 pm, and we were to be at Bayside at 6:30 for sound check in preparation for a 7 pm start of the "date night."  Our talk was to begin at 7:30.  

Now if you know anything about traffic out of San Francisco in the late afternoon, you know we didn't have a hope or a prayer of this happening.  But thanks to the herculean efforts of daughter Kari and John and Marilyn Nugent, we fashioned a "this will work if everything goes perfectly" plan of catching a BART train (leaving behind our luggage), taking it to the Richmond Station, where John would be waiting in an escape vehicle to drive us to Granite Bay.  Amazingly, we arrived at Bayside at 7:37 pm, pulled on speaking clothes selected and purchased by our personal shopper Kari, and were speaking at 7:45.  Whew!!!  That was a close one—and it never could have had that happy ending without the Nugents and the Garcias.  We are so grateful for having such qualified accomplices.  We were also so grateful for the gracious, understanding Bayside staff who were ready to fill in for us if needed and who flexed with the moving schedule. 

Wed., Jan. 16: snow delayed us in Boston.

Fortunately, the talk went really well, and, as is always true of our Bayside events, we were warmly and enthusiastically received.  By the time it was over, we were wiped out, but so so thankful.

Long after the crowd had dispersed, we celebrated for a moment with these Bayside staff families and gave thanks for a great date night.

To catch our breath, retrieve our luggage, and hang with our dear friends John and Marilyn Nugent, we drove with them to San Francisco the following day along with Gabe, Kari, and Brandon.  It was a fun-from-beginning-to-end day as we played on play grounds, walked the city, and ate in Chinatown.  The spring-like day was perfect for enjoying the great outdoors, and after the crazy day of travel we'd had the day before, it was just what the doctor ordered.

Not sure who enjoyed the playground more: Brandon—or John, Paul, and Marilyn, who engaged in a very competitive game of spin the hula-hoops.  I can tell you who was more entertaining.  :)

A great dinner in Chinatown was a yummy way to end the day.

Our days with Garcias were so sweet, especially knowing that those days are "numbered" in Sacramento as they prepare to move to their new ministry assignment in Santa Clarita, CA, on Feb. 12.  We walked to the park every day, visited some favorite eateries, helped with the moving projects, and enjoyed every minute we had with Brandon.  Sunday was the big football game—the AFC and NFC title games.  Very thankful that we weren't playing each others teams (Gabe is a lifelong Niners' fan), we fully expected that at day's end, we'd call a truce and part ways in anticipation of a Patriot-49'er Super Bowl.

Well....we all know how that went down.  Pretty sad ending for our boys in red, silver, and blue...and especially heartbreaking for us since we have such deep hearts for the 14 guys who came regularly to the couples' study this fall.  Fortunately, both of our teams didn't lose and we were really happy for Gabe.  We were able to brainwash Brandon, however, and whenever he sees us on FaceTime (Apple's version of Skype), his first words are "GO PATS!!!"  Pretty smart little guy, eh???

Getting ready for the play-off games . . .

Monday night of MLK Day, I spoke for a Bayside staff women's gathering hosted by Carol Johnston and Sally Shaull.  It was a Q and A evening and I loved every minute of it.  Great questions about relationships, discipleship, priorities, in-laws, etc., made for rich conversation and I was truly honored to be part of this event.

Bayside staff women gathered for an informal discipling evening at the Shaulls’ home, led by Carol Johnston.  Great time.

Off to Colorado we flew Tuesday, the 22nd, and were thankfully unhampered by weather.  In fact, we landed in 60-degree weather, causing us to re-check the calendar to make sure we had the right date!  We spent Wednesday at Focus on the Family, and were interviewed for a variety of their programs.  Our first 2.5 hours were spent with Jim Daly and John Fuller, recording a couple of days of radio shows on "Raising Kids with Convictions."  We'll keep you posted re: the air dates, but they thought the end of May would likely be the time frame.  

We loved every minute of our time with these two anointed men.  We "clicked" immediately (bantering about football initially) and discovered how deeply our hearts were in sync and resonated with a shared passion for families and marriages.  The radio show recording was very natural and "easy" and we knew we were being prayed for by those who knew where we were.  

Our next stop was the "Boundless" studio, where we were interviewed by Lisa Anderson, who directs this singles ministry arm of Focus.  We talked with her about the role of parents in helping their young adult children navigate relationship issues, especially regarding marriage, and we really enjoyed sharing on a topic we're so passionate about.  That's supposed to air on Valentine's Day, so check out the Focus on the Family website and follow the prompts for Boundless broadcasts.

Our last stop was an interview with Roy Baldwin, who is directing a new Focus program for "Dads and Daughters."  We love the idea of this initiative and were honored to be in on the ground floor.  Roy talked to us about possibly helping them develop some curriculum for young parents.  We said "Twist our arms."  :)  At the end of five hours in various studios, we left feeling very, very met by God and are praying that He will use our words to carry His words where needed.

John Fuller and Jim Daly spent a couple of hours interviewing us for some upcoming Focus on the Family radio broadcasts.  What an honor and a privilege!

We spent the evening with our sweet niece, Kristi Rottschafer Daggett and her family, catching up over Little Caesars pizza and enjoying their three precious children, and then we crashed.  Uncharacteristically, we stayed another night at the hotel in Colorado Springs so we could "sabbath" on Thursday, in anticipation of a very full weekend of ministry in Denver.  It was a great decision.  We spent several hours hiking around the "Garden of the Gods" on a spectacularly beautifully day and felt quite refreshed as we drove to the Oertli B and B in Parker (a suburb of Denver) that evening.

Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs . . . we hiked 7 miles and didn't tire of the unique and beautiful scenery.

We love the Oertlis.  It's just energizing to be with them, and they always make us feel so loved.  They're easy.  Comfortable.  Fun.  Laugher bounces off the walls.  Tulo (the dog) chases balls.  Maggie digs for dinosaur bones.  Gracie gives up her room.  Jack's kindness and unpretentiousness touches us.  Love them!

It was a gift from God that our first days in Parker intersected with our dear friends Dave and June Bullock's last days in Parker, so we seized the opportunity and spent several hours over brunch catching up with one another.  What a treat.

We picked up with long-time friends Dave and June Bullock, as though no time had elapsed since our last visit.

Mission Hills Church hosted “Spark” marriage conference that weekend at a local hotel and it didn't take us long to fall in love with this vibrant, open congregation.  It was easy to see why after spending some time with their lead pastor, Mike Romberger, and his wife Jane.  We were very impressed that Mike and Jane attended the conference and actively engaged in being full participants.  We were blessed to hear their heart for their congregation and to see the fruit of their vision for the church.  It is a thriving, growing, relevant ministry that God is using in big ways in Denver.  

360 attended the Mission Hills Marriage Conference in Denver the weekend of Jan 25-26.

The team behind the Mission Hills Conference did a great job of putting it together and pulling it off.

The Mission Hills conference ended mid-afternoon, and then we headed to Front Range Christian School that evening to speak on parenting teens.  We always love partnering with Dave and Kathleen Sherman, who have worked tirelessly at Front Range through the years, and they once again did a great job of setting up the evening.  They were as surprised as anyone that their hoped-for crowd of about 20 grew to almost 100, and an interactive evening followed. We shared a late night dinner with Dave and Kathleen, along with their newly-engaged daughter, Kaylee, and her fiancé, Jake.  Kaylee and Jake are refreshing: they have been committed to honoring God throughout their relationship and stand out because of the wisdom and depth they have at their age.  Both are in seminary now and will be married in August.  It was a delightful evening all around.

Our last ministry stop in Colorado prior to flying home was held in the home of ex-Patriot Tom Ashworth and his wife, Julie.  Tom and Julie were part of the couples study during the years Tom was a Patriot, and they made some pretty pivotal decisions to follow Christ during that study.  It's given us such great joy to watch them grow in the Lord through the years.  They invited us to speak on marriage to their small group on Sunday night, Jan. 27th, and in that intimate gathering, we were impressed with the honesty of discussion and sharing.  We were also so impressed with Tom and Julie's hospitality as they opened their home to 16 adults and about 32 kids (or so it seemed!) without flinching.  "This is why we have this home," Julie shared. Love her heart!

Tom and Julie's small group gathered to talk about marriage.

Tom and Julie Ashworth are faithfully seeking and proclaiming Christ in the Castle Rock area of Colorado.

So after five varied and productive days in Colorado, we flew back to Boston Monday morning.  Amazingly, snow began falling as we returned and we were thrilled to have winter welcoming us home.  Honestly.  :)  Especially since it didn't jeopardize getting to the church on time.

Counseling, an H.I.M. Board Meeting, and multiple small gatherings filled the next few days before we took off again, this time driving.  We were slated to speak at the Mennonite and Brethren Marriage Encounter banquet on Saturday, Feb. 2, and though we were honored by the invitation, we really had no idea of what to expect.  We were very surprised to find out shortly before the event that 550 would be in attendance!  The evening was a great affirmation of the commitment of the group to honor and encourage marriages.  We were very impressed with both the breadth and depth of this event.  Snow started falling about 2 hours before the start time of the banquet, and amazingly had little effect on the turn out.  Many conversations at the end of the evening indicated that God was at work in hearts.  One couple shared with me that their 30-year marriage had almost gone down in the previous year because he had neglected his wife as he pursued the expansion of his business, and she had neglected him as she had poured herself into the children—but by God's grace, they were working to save their marriage.  He said that the message that evening had spoken directly into his heart and he was more committed than ever to loving his wife well.  Praise God!

Don and Twila Sauder organized the Mennonite and Brethren Marriage Encounter banquet and did a great job.

The banquet for over 550 was held at Yoder's Restaurant in Lancaster, PA.

Have car, will travel.  After the banquet, in the snow, we continued south, driving to Harrisonburg, VA, in order to preach at the New Beginnings Church Sunday morning.  It's a long story why we said yes to this invitation, given the timing and the distance between the Saturday night event and this early Sunday morning event, but we knew it was right, so we did it.  We were very thankful to arrive safely at Lisa's condo at 2 am, and caught a few zzz's before filling the pulpit at New Beginnings.  

What a great church!  Pastor Tim has a very missional view towards his community and is committed to being a beacon of  hope in that area.  The conversations we had with many after the service confirmed that people feel very welcomed and accepted in that body.  We so appreciated the opportunity to partner with them.

Monday night we spoke at the JMU FCA Huddle on the topic of relationships. We love to challenge college students to think differently about preparing for marriage that most are accustomed to, and after speaking to the mixed group for the first half of the meeting, the guys went off with Paul and the women stayed with me to discuss issues in a single-gender setting.  I can't speak for what happened in the men's group, but I was very impressed with the interaction with the women.  The distorted messages of the culture were examined through the lens of scripture and many seemed to "get it."  It was a very energizing evening.

A shot from the back of the room during the FCA huddle as we spoke on relationships.

The "girls only" segment of the evening was very interactive and fruitful.

We hated to see our time in Harrisonburg come to end as it meant saying good-bye to Lisa, but with hearts full of gratitude for our great days together, we did just that.  Our long drive home was broken up by a stop in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, to spend some time with our life-long friend, Barbara Boyd.  "Barbie," an IVCF colleague and close personal friend of Paul's parents, is approaching her 90th birthday and she is remarkable.  She is a saint.  Words of praise are continually on her lips.  She loves Jesus.  She loves His word.  It is her lifeline, her bread of life.  It's always a spiritual experience to spend time with Barbie, and each time we visit her we leave feeling humbled to have been in the presence of one so deeply in love with Christ.  

At the end of so many ministry opportunities in so many places all over the map: from CA to CO to PA to VA and with MA sprinkled in the midst, time with Barbie was the perfect "ending" to this run of days.  Our short visit with her was renewing, delightful, and challenging all at the same time.  We left wanting to be more fully surrendered to Him.  

How blessed we are to have Barbie in our lives.

Paul and Barbara Boyd enjoy reminiscing about the years Barbara lived with the Friesen family back in the late 50's/early 60's.

New Year's . . . Really? (Part 2)

December 14 ushered in eight of the best days of 2012.  Kari, Gabe, and Brandon flew from California, Lisa from Virginia,  Derek and Julie from Uganda, and Paul and me from Massachusetts, all gathering in Orlando for an early Christmas reunion.  From Orlando, we drove to Vero Beach, where we enjoyed the remote hospitality of Doug and Julie Macrae who loaned us their on-the-beach condo for the week.  The days which unfolded were "as good as it gets" and we all felt so, so blessed.  Walks on the beach, playing in the pool, eating great meals, hanging out in jammies from dinner on, playing some competitive "Nickel," and our favorite pastime of all: watching Brandon, playing with Brandon, laughing at Brandon, being amazed by Brandon . . . all combined to make a most memorable gathering.  

At 28 months, Brandon was pretty much all we needed for entertainment.

Daily walks on the beach were therapeutic on all levels.

Papa and Brandon had fun in the pool . . . especially when Papa was a whale.

I made sure our time together was well-documented photographically, and this beach photo-shoot was a highlight.

So was this one—and I am grateful for sons-in-laws who willingly participated in both wearing the jammies I made AND being seen in public in them.  :)  Great guys!!

We were all so grateful for this gift of relaxation, rest, and time of reconnection with each other.  Disconnection from all of our ministry commitments was just what we needed.   

We left Vero Friday Dec. 21, to go from our quiet, secluded getaway to one of the busiest places on earth . . . Disney World!  Another gift to our family: dear friends from California (who are also Disneyland employees) gave us passes to "The Happiest Place on Earth" and we had a blast experiencing the Magic Kingdom through the eyes of a 2-year-old.  It was a first for all but Paul and me to visit Disney World and we had a great time.  The only real surprise was the weather, which registered 40 degrees at 8 a.m. Dec. 22.  The plus side of that was that only the hearty ventured out, so the crowds were smaller than expected during the morning.  :)  It was the exclamation point on the end of a great family time.

Brandon was thrilled to meet Goofy in person—and Gabe was thrilled that Brandon was thrilled.

We made it til 7 p.m. before throwing in the towel and returning to the condo to get warm.

Dec. 23 we got Garcias on a plane back to California and Johnsons off to Oklahoma, each to spend Christmas with their "other" families.  That left Lisa, Paul, and me in Florida, and after considering many options to launch the celebration of Lisa's upcoming 30th birthday, we took friends up on their offer for us to use their home in Ft. Lauderdale and off we went for another almost-week of sunny, warm weather.

It was another first for us to visit Ft Lauderdale, and we had so much fun exploring this area.  Lots of beach walks, late breakfasts, a dinner cruise on the inter-coastal waterways, and an all-day trip to the Keys filled out our time.  Christmas was different . . . lacking all of the "trappings" and all of the people with whom we usually celebrate, it definitely felt a bit like "Skipping Christmas" but Christmas Eve service at the local Calvary Chapel brought it all into focus.  Paul and I loved having these days with Lisa and have many sweet memories from them.

Paul very creatively fashioned a Christmas tree from a limb he found in the trash . . . and then decorated himself with paper cut-outs.  We were impressed!!

On our Christmas day walk, we came across this Sandman Santa and hijacked it for a photo.  :)

We were quite entertained by feeding the tarpon in Islamorada at “Buddy’s.”  Another first.

We packed our warm weather clothes and after-Christmas-sales finds and flew back to New England on Saturday, Dec. 29, just in time for our first big winter storm in a long time.  We felt so fortunate!  Honestly!  We're among the few who actually love it when the white stuff falls and it was a "cold" warm welcome back home.

Paul was honored to do the chapel for the Miami Dolphin players that night and then fought his way home in the raging storm.  We were so thankful when he crawled in around midnight, safe and sound.

Off to Gillette Stadium we went for the Pats’ final regular-season game in which we routed the Dolphins.  We had such a great time connecting with the many couples who have faithfully been a part of the Couples Study all season, and the highlight for us was getting to introduce Lisa to them.  Since they had all met Julie two weeks earlier at the Christmas party, we heard many, “Your girls look SO much alike!”  A very fun time was had by all.

What a great time we had at the final Pats game! We were thankfully and surprisingly warm in spite of temps in the 20’s.

We welcomed in the New Year by spending some time in Boston enjoying First Night features, including the 7 p.m. firework display, which was fabulous.  On to join with a number of family camp families for a family-fun new years party and home before the ball dropped.  A great way to welcome the new year.

Lisa and Paul on the Boston Common early on New Year’s Eve.

Derek and Julie rejoined us late on the 2nd, overlapping with Lisa for her final days in Boston, and our days were filled with exploring the delights of Boston, hanging out with friends, meeting up with our dear Helen in Stockbridge, and enjoying being together.  We were all sad to send Lisa off on Sunday, the 6th, back to her life and world in Harrisonburg, VA.

This ice sculpture provided a suitable backdrop for us and our bags.

A lovely lunch at the Red Lion Inn with Helen was a highlight of our day with her, though shopping at the Lee Outlets was a close second.

Another highlight of these days was having Dave and Kim Noble, directors of Campus by the Sea, live with us for a week while they visited their children who live in downtown Boston.  We had many leisurely breakfasts together and a few evenings, affording us opportunities to get to know one another in ways that our busy shared weeks at CBS preclude.  We loved it and we love them.

This slightly distorted photo was the best we could do with the self-timer, but we're all glad to have captured a frame of our time together with Kim and Dave Noble.

The highlight of this young new year was celebrating Lisa's 30th birthday last weekend.  It was a full-on surprise, commencing with Derek and Julie ringing her door bell “out of the blue” on Thursday evening, Jan 9th.  Kari, Paul, and I were hiding in the van we had driven down from Boston (via Lemoyne, PA, where Derek and Julie had done some CURE business at headquarters) and Lisa was close to "heart attack" surprise when she opened the van and found us.  :)   Off to dinner we went, taking with us Lisa's wonderful roommate, Rachel, who was our right-hand-gal in setting up Lisa's birthday weekend.  No one could stop smiling.

Dinner at “Dave's Restaurant” with Lisa and her housemate Rachel. Let the party begin!!

The next part of the surprise was Friday night, and 30 of Lisa’s closest friends and family pulled it off.  A delicious Mexican feast was enjoyed by all, but the highlight was hearing tributes to Lisa.  Many brought “thirty” of something that made them think of Lisa and presented them to her with an explanation of the symbolism.  It was deeply moving to hear how God has used Lisa in the lives of these friends, and the themes about her life were consistent: her love for Christ, for people, for serving, for fun, and for chocolate.  It was one of those “Could this have been any better?” evenings and we were so, so thankful.  

Lisa’s surprise party was a blast and she was duly honored by all of these very-important-to-her people.

The fam—for one last photo before we all disperse.

We also gave Lisa a book of affirmation, compiled and produced by Kari and contributed to by many.  It was a beautiful shout-out to a remarkable young woman.  I know we’re biased, at least a bit, but we are so very proud of who Lisa is and we're quite humbled to be her parents.  She reflects the amazing love of her first love, the Lord Jesus Christ, and lives so winsomely for Him.  Her selflessness and her servant-heartedness has touched all of those around her and she is loved, esteemed, and cherished.  Many of her friends are moving in the direction of Christ because of her.  How easy it is to celebrate her life!

So, that’s how we've brought in the new year.  It’s been such a sweet run of days.  We’re now up to speed—we’ve hung the 2013 calendars—and accepted the fact that 2013 is underway.  

By God’s grace, we stand as a family, facing the new year, with confidence and hope vested in Him and Him alone.

New Year's . . . Really? (Part 1)

Does anyone else feel like New Year's Day should be about now—and that though the calendar already says January 16, 2013, it feels like that's impossible?

That's where I am.  We have just finished a full-to-overflowing month, filled with memorable family moments, rest, rejuvenation, and renewal.  "The End" to our family reunion was written Monday night as we bid farewell to Derek and Julie and sent them back to Uganda.  Let the New Year begin!  

So, after a month of not needing to know exactly what day it was very often, we're back at it.  An early morning trip to Logan and we're off to California and Colorado for a 12-day ministry tour.  The New Year is rolling.

But first, I need to wrap up 2012.  Picking up just after Thanksgiving,  I had an important lunch with my longtime mentor and friend, Gail MacDonald.  It's impossible to express what it means to me to have Gail continuing to invest in my life, which she's faithfully done for 28 years.  I've learned so much from her, both formally and informally, and her life lived for Christ has hugely influenced mine.  I will be forever grateful that Gail continues to carve out time in her very busy schedule for me.

Lunch with Gail MacDonald at the Bedford House in NH, belatedly celebrating my birthday and prematurely celebrating hers!

We welcomed in December with a half-day H.I.M.-sponsored conference, "The Church Family and Your Family."  Designed to encourage churches to intentionally build into families and marriages, we were very pleased with the group of around 30 that gathered that morning, representing about 8 local churches.  We were especially impressed by Bethany Gospel Chapel of Swansea, which sent four couples from their leadership.  That's a church that is serious about this very important mission!  The morning was lively with discussion and inspiration, all while sitting in the atrium-like living room of the Macraes' home as snow fell softly outside.  It was a really wonderful way to spend the day!

The group of leaders from Bethany Gospel Chapel who attended “The Church Family and Your Family” conference.

Monday, Dec. 3, we were honored to partner with the Faith EV Free Church of Acton by speaking to their Mom to Mom group.  Lorraine Stobbe extended the invitation and we were so pleased to be a part of that very exciting ministry.  One of the women we spoke to afterwards shared that she had just come to Christ after having been a part of Mom to Mom for several years, and that she was now praying for her husband to embrace Christ.  Very cool.  

The week was filled with counseling, Patriots studies, and getting things done for Christmas.   As I was perusing my iPhoto collection of photos for this blog, I came across this one which seemed very fitting to include.  Our ideas about love and serving can be so lofty at times and seem out of reach, but this photo captures love-in-action.  We "rescued" this destined-for-the-garbage pumpkin from the porch of some dear friends, and Paul, as a gift to me, processed it.  Our freezer now has a good amount of pureed fresh pumpkin, which will be used to make soup, pies, and breads.  It's a win-win-win.  Paul has spoken my love language loud and clear and has been duly appreciated, and many will enjoy the fruit of his labor in various treats from the kitchen.  And the pumpkin has a happier ending than in a landfill.  

The girls asked if he used a chain saw to cut this baby open. He did not.  Just brute strength and a huge karate chop.  :)

We canceled Engagement Matters scheduled Dec. 8-9 due to low enrollment, which opened up the weekend for our annual trip to St. Louis.  We were SO happy to not break tradition with our beloved Williams family.  As usual, our weekend was filled with baking, talking, and catching up, in between and during their normally scheduled school and sports events.  Something new this year was being introduced to "The Duck Dynasty" reality t.v. show . . . and that made the girls "happy, happy, happy."  So many great moments with this precious family; so thankful for this Christ-centered home.

The tradition continues: matching jammies for the family . . . except for Wilson, the dog.

All too quickly the weekend was over and we flew home on Monday, Dec. 10, in time to go to Gillette Stadium with Stacia and Annette Woodhead to watch the Patriots handle the Texans (the first time.)  Annette, the mother of #39 (aka Danny, Woody, etc.), and I had a blast talking shop about marriage and family during commercial breaks.  We share many similar passions, and she and her husband are helping families in Nebraska embrace God's design for them.  The weather was great, the game was a blow-out, and still, it was the conversation with Annette that was the highlight.  It's so very encouraging to see how God is using others to impact our very confused and wounded culture with the good news of the gospel. 

We had a great night at Gillette Stadium with Stacia and Annette Woodhead.  Go Pats!!!

We wrapped up the Patriots Women’s study on Wednesday, December 12, with a cinnamon roll baking workshop.  With 18 women regularly involved in the study this year, I hadn’t really thought of what that meant in terms of dough for this popular annual event.  I now know.  It means A LOT of dough!  I started making the dough at 5 a.m. and drove down to Attleboro at 8 a.m. with 12 batches of dough rising in the trunk of our car.  :)  Thankfully, we had plenty of dough and lots of laughs working with it.

We also wrapped up a wonderful fall study of Every Body Matters by Gary Thomas and had a time of sharing about what the study had meant to each one.  It was evident that God was stirring hearts and drawing us closer to Him through our time, which—cinnamon rolls aside—really is the desire.  I’m so thankful for each of these precious women.  They are really very special. 

A few of the women proudly showcase their handiwork.

Our final women’s study—sweet, sweet group.

It was straight from baking rolls to Logan to pick up Julie and Derek from Uganda!!!  Our dear friend Helen had joined us for a few days to be my right hand girl in all the preparation, baking, wrapping, cleaning, etc., so it was an extra mutual bonus for all parties to reconnect.  Homecomings are usually joyful and this one surely qualified.

These happy smiles are for more than the Dunkin' Donuts coffee Helen bought to welcome these two from Africa!

Later that evening, Paul returned to Logan to pick up Danny Oertli, who had been flown in to do a mini-concert for the Patriots Couples Christmas party Thursday night.  Arriving after midnight, he thought he had landed at the North Pole upon seeing the “elves” hard at work making gingerbread houses.  :)

The after-hours crew making the annual gingerbread houses.

After a full morning of counseling, we finished baking, wrapping, and preparing for the grand finale of the Patriots Couples’ Study, and headed down to Attleboro for a really great night.  Betsy Hasselbeck and Kara Mankins had transformed the Mankins’ dining room into a beautifully decorated room, delicious food had been brought in, and the Ugly Sweater Christmas party began.  (Let me note here that when it had been suggested during the previous study that the party become an “Ugly Christmas Sweater” night, I had NO idea that they were referring to the very sweaters that I’ve worn Christmas after Christmas, never thinking them “ugly.”  I honestly thought they meant something very different, so was I surprised to show up and see what this young generation considers “ugly.”  What a rude awakening!)

Sweaters aside, the evening couldn't have been more delightful.  After laughing over the parade of "ugly sweaters" and eating a fabulous meal,  Danny Oertli did a fabulous concert, highlighted by his original tune written just for that night (in anticipation of the AFC title game between his beloved Broncos and our beloved Pats.  You can hear it here on YouTube:    As we now know, that song will have to wait for another year to go viral, as the Broncos will be watching the Pats and the Ravens in the AFC title game, but we all thoroughly enjoyed Danny's creativity and passion expressed in that song.  Matthew Slater talked about his walk with Christ and Paul wrapped it up with a charge that goes beyond the season.  It was a perfect night and we were very, very thankful for how God had met us through the study this season.

The Ugly Sweater gang

That takes us through Dec. 13 and that’s it for now.

I have to try to figure out how it’s already Jan. 16.

Mixed Metaphors

Though "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas," I begin this blog, as promised, with a photo of the "Shark from Heaven," in living color.  Please forgive me for mixing my metaphors.  Still it's hard to believe that only 5 weeks have passed since this photo was snapped. Though it is obviously out of step with the season we are now in, I couldn't exactly omit this adorable photo of Brandon and his California grandparents enjoying his $1.41 shark costume (read the previous blog post for the back story).  Pretty cute shark, yes?

Grandpa Dan and Grandma Debbie flank Brandon the Shark, who is ready for trick-or-treating.

We continue to be so grateful for what God is doing in the lives of our immediate family.  This season of grandparenting has more delights than imaginable.  We feel exceedingly blessed as we observe Gabe and Kari teaching Brandon about our faithful, loving, heavenly Father.

They're also teaching him other life skills: Kari and Brandon have a mentoring session over cookie dough . . .

. . . and then enjoying the results.

Paul was the featured speaker at Camp Berea's “Man Camp” the first weekend of November.  He felt God really met him through his four plenary talks as well as his two seminar sessions.  He had some very meaningful interactions with a number of men who expressed to Paul that the weekend was a turning point for them.  Pray for decisions made that weekend, that they will be honored and fruit-producing.  No pictures from this event . . . :)

While Paul was away, the female mice played.  Daughter Lisa flew in, and dear friend Helen drove in to join Dr. Vita (the Sicilian neurosurgeon who lived with us for six weeks this fall) and me for a "girlfriends’ weekend" in celebration of my birthday.  And what a great time was had by all!!  We exploited the delights of late fall in New England, buying lobster off the boats in Gloucester, driving up the coast of Maine, overnighting in York in a great “Priceline”’d hotel on the beach, walking the shoreline, and having the bonus of an extra hour, to boot (since Daylight Savings Time expired while we were off galavanting)!  It could only have been better if two more daughters had been able to fly in, but even as such, my heart was filled with gratitude and delight for having such a special time.

Vita, Helen, Lisa, and me, just before sitting down to a New England lobster feast.  Yum!!!

Beautiful weather made walking to Cape Neddick a perfect choice.

In early November, we made our annual pilgrimage to Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary to speak to the seminary wives and their spouses for "couples night."  It's such an honor to partner with Lita Schleuter for this evening.  We love the opportunity to speak into the lives of those preparing for full-time ministry.  The group seemed very appreciative of our sharing from our 37 years of married ministry wisdom with them.  

A small portion of those who attended Couples Night for Seminary Wives at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary hung out long after we stopped speaking.

That weekend we drove to upstate New York to speak for the First Presbyterian Church's marriage conference.  Held at a hotel in Glens Falls, everything about the weekend fulfilled the several years' long dream of two couples to make this happen.  The Challeners and the Magills worked hard to pull this off and they did a great job.  We fell in love with their congregation, who were so open, receptive, and eager.  The conference ended Saturday late afternoon and was followed by a delightful evening with the two planning couples as well as the senior pastor and his wife, Dr. Larry and Betty Roff.  A more animated evening would be hard to find!  A great ending to a great conference.

Paul preached at their church in Schenectady and we both taught Sunday School for their combined adult classes.  Great time.  Before driving back to Bedford on Monday afternoon, we enjoyed the company of our dear friends, Bill and Helen, in their lovely home.

Al and Bonnie Magill and Bill and Helen Challener invested greatly in making the marriage conference happen successfully.

The Patriots’ women's study took a different tack on Wednesday, the 14th, as we held our annual pie making workshop, just in time for the holidays.  It was a ton of fun to work with 16 women around a granite island, with dough, flour, pie pans, and rolling pins everywhere.  They did a GREAT job and everyone left either with a completed pie, or with the ingredients to complete one in their own kitchen.  Several of them texted me photos of their finished product during Thanksgiving.  :)  

The Pats' women show their wares, with well-earned pride.

Our final pre-Thanksgiving event was the H.I.M./Trinity Church (Nashua) Marriage Conference, held Saturday, Nov. 17.  We were pleased with a great turn-out, especially after it looked like it would be an intimate gathering on the Monday prior to the event.  We more than doubled in size between Monday and Friday and were thankful for a wonderfully warm, responsive group.  One attender wrote:  

Thanks for such wonderful teaching.  It was a great reminder to me of how I am called to show my love to my husband.  You two manage to teach with such wisdom, while simultaneously sharing your own struggles in a way we can all relate and laugh with.  I appreciated that you backed up everything you said with scripture—and your stories made the meaning come alive in new ways.

It was a gift to partner with Trinity Church Nashua, and particularly with Matt and Beth Ide, who worked as the liaisons with the church.  They partnered with us beautifully, as affirmed by Sue Martis' comment, when all was said and done: "Putting on this conference was flawless!"

Paul mingles with the crowd over a great lunch, catered by MJM Catering.

The servant-hearted workers who made the conference a success.  We’re so grateful for them.

We wrapped up that very long day with a wonderful evening spent at the home of Dr. Ben and Cindy Warf.  Dr. Warf is the neurosurgeon who launched the CURE Mbale hospital in 2001, along with his wife Cindy and their six children.  He is now at Boston Children’s Hospital and Harvard, and Vita was able to intern under him during her stay here.  The evening was so inspiring!  Ben and Cindy have such deep hearts for the Lord and for all of His children, and are using their immense gifts to make a significant difference in the world of children's health.  It was truly one of the highlights of Vita's time in Boston to be in the "dust" of this rabbi.  A lovely evening indeed.

Dr. Vita, Dr. Ben, and Cindy Warf at the end of a wonderful evening.

We were off early the next morning for California for Thanksgiving, where we divided time between Gabe, Kari, and Brandon in Granite Bay, and my folks and siblings in San Diego.  Lisa joined us on this adventure, and many laughs and lots of talking transpired along the way.  Such a contrast of experiences between the north and the south, swinging from the hope and vitality of Brandon's 27-month-long life....to the obvious decline and diminishing vitality of the 85-year-old life of my dear Dad.  Amazingly, we treasured both ends of the spectrum and different aspects of life were experienced fully in each venue.  Parks, toys, races, Elmo, and early morning reveille in the form of a bouncing happy little guy filled our time in the north, while quieter dialogues, foot massages, repetition and reassurances, and spontaneously singing hymns and other long-time favorite songs highlighted our time in the south.  We are truly grateful that the generations of our family  are so connected and that we are blessed by both the burgeoning and the failing life.  

Brandon and Papa enjoy Elmo together.  Such precious moments!

I'll wrap this up for now because there is a lot to do to make it "look a lot like Christmas" around here.  Right now, it looks more like an explosion in a mattress factory . . . and, as always, there's much to do and not enough time to do it.  

My prayer is that we'll invest in what matters most during this season, and that whether the "list" gets done or not, our joy will not be diminished by such temporal things.  Gabe, Kari, and Brandon visited my folks in San Diego recently, and Kari said that as his great-grandpa lay on the sofa, in and out of sleepiness and awareness, Brandon would randomly stop whatever he was doing to walk over and kiss him on the head.  

That's a picture of how I want this month to unfold.  That in the midst of the busyness—and demands—and distractions, I'll stop randomly to adore the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, who shows up this month in the form of a Babe.  

Brandon kisses his Great-Grandpa Collins as he snoozes on the couch. (photo courtesy of my sister Laura)

Of pumpkins and leaves and sharks . . .

The splendor of fall . . .

Brandon's first "U-Pick" pumpkin experience . . . looks like he figured it out!

I have a continuing love affair with fall.  I really love everything about it, except the shortening days.  I love the tastes.  All things pumpkin and apple and cranberry—yum!  I love the smells.  Cinnamon-infused apple pies baking, leaves burning, candle-lit pumpkins slowly cooking, soups simmering, caramel apples.  I love the sights.  Dressed up New England homes with fall decor producing fabulous curb appeal, leaves changing colors daily, late afternoon "plugged in" vibrant trees being backlit by the setting sun, creative displays made with most things natural. I love fall weather.  Warm enough to be out comfortably but chilly enough to wear sweaters, perfect for biking, hiking, or just taking a stroll.  

These are just a few of the reasons we've delighted in hanging out in New England these past couple of weeks.  Due to an international conference being postponed, we have had the rare privilege of actually being home two weekends in a row and we've tried to make the most of it.  Now, how we define "most of it" is vastly different for Paul than it is for me.  My imagination is immediately filled with visions of a clean and purged attic, decluttering and ordering each room of our house; making batches of jam; cleaning pantries and freezers by cooking up or throwing out.  My heart races just considering the options.

Paul?  Not so much.  “Make the most of it” for him would be: Relax.  Recreate.  wRite.  And so we divided and conquered, each lending support to the other when needed.

And we got a lot done.  The final draft of our book on marriage is coming to completion after hours and hours of reworking, rewriting, and incorporating input from others.  We're excited about this hopefully helpful tool, which we anticipate being available in the next couple of months.

And our house has less stuff and more appeal.  Many bags to Goodwill later, we're both enjoying our home more.   It makes me feel better to be in spaces more organized and simplified.  And when Mama's happy . . .  :)

This unusual spate of at-home days has been punctuated by some highlights, besides the magnificence of fall.  

One highlight was going to Gillette Stadium with our dear friend Kara Mankins and watching the Patriots play well against the Broncos.  Great game.  Great time.  Our study with the Patriot couples has been exciting, with between 22 and 32 coming each week.  We've had some great interaction on God's prescription for love and we're so thankful for the potential of this ongoing study.  The women's study using Every Body Matters by Gary Thomas is also going well, with 18 women out most weeks.  If you haven't gotten this book yet, you should.  It's very provocative.

At Gillette with Kelly, Case, and Kara, happy after a great win over the Broncos.

The Pats women's study says farewell to Margaret Austin and Adam, as her husband gets the nod from Carolina.  We all hated to see Margaret and Thomas go.  :(

The next highlight began with an email from Derek and  Julie asking if we could find housing for a Sicilian neurosurgeon who was coming to Boston to do a fellowship at Brigham and Women's Hospital and to work with Dr. Benjamin Warf at Children's Hospital.  She had trained at the Mbale CURE Hospital under Dr. John Mugamba, who had been trained by Dr. Warf when he was the lead neurosurgeon at CURE Mbale.  We invited her to stay with us for her six-week stint in the states, and she arrived the 14th of October.  Dr. Vita Stagno has been with us for just over two weeks now and we're having a delightful time with her.  Her age (29) and her size (tiny) all seem to make her an unlikely candidate for a neurosurgeon, but in four months, she will complete her training and begin looking for a job.  We've loved talking with her about relationships, faith, life in America, life in Sicily—and are so thankful the Lord has brought our paths together.  It just feels like we have a daughter back in our midst.

Vita is enjoying her American experience at the hospital and in our kitchen.

One of the highlights would hardly qualify as a "head-liner," except to this grandma, her daughter, and her grandson.  This will be entered in our memory banks as "The day God sent a shark from heaven."  As the story goes, Kari decided to acknowledge Brandon's current fascination with sharks by dressing him as one for Halloween.  She saw the costume at the online site of a beloved and frequented store, but the cost ($25.00) was more than she could justify for such a purchase.  The shark was only available at the online site, and not being carried in the store.  I told her not to worry; I could either make one (as I had years earlier for one of her pals) or hopefully find it for less than $25.00.  Several days later, I went into the Nashua branch of the store, and immediately moved towards the display of costumes all their stores were carrying.  And there, hanging in front of all the racks of the standard costumes, was one shark.  Adrenaline now pumping, I reached for the lone shark to check its size, and yes, it was a 2-3 —just the size we needed.  The sign above the costumes announced "25% off all costumes", but there was no price on the shark.  I quickly made my way to the young, 20-something-year-old cashier and asked her to check the price.  I told her it looked like it said $10, but I wasn't sure.  Smiling at me with a "your eyes aren't as sharp as they once were" look, she read the tag and said, "That actually says “S10,” which is the stock number."  :)  Of course.  But then, she scanned it and said, "You're not going to believe this, but it's scanning $1.41!"  I quickly said, "Well, before you find out that's a mistake, would you sell it to me?"  :)  She said, "That's really what it says, so it's yours for $1.41."

Now I know that's a really "small" thing, and as the world goes, it ranks in the lower percentile of importance, but for us, it was a potent reminder that God is in the details of life.  He is personally involved with us.  He cares enough about us . . . to send a shark from heaven.  

The shark costume was sent to California the next day and was a huge hit with Brandon.

We did renew our close relationship with Logan airport on Oct 19 when we flew to Rome, GA, to speak at Pleasant Valley South Baptist Church. Nate and Jeannie King were again our hosts and it was a gift to all of us to be together.  How we love this precious family!   And their church family, which is always so warm and embracing.  We also consulted with Kings and several other couples about family ministries in other contexts Friday night and all day Monday. and that's always energizing to us.

Senior pastor Dr. Philip May and his wife, Delayne, and 4/6th of the King family grab a moment at the end of the Pleasant Valley South Baptist Church service.

Sunday night we had the privilege of speaking on relationships to the Fellowship of Christian Athletes group at University of Georgia.  We LOVED that.  It was so encouraging to chat with several couples who are committed to being in God-honoring relationships and to get a sense of how God is using FCA at that great school.  It was also a treat to have dinner with Jill Perry, the FCA director at UGA, who is also a close friend of our Lisa's, and quickly becoming a close friend of ours.  She's a great lady.  

The remnant of the FCA gathering at UGA.

We've just returned from speaking on Long Island this past weekend.  The Church on the Sound and Christ Church teamed up to host a marriage conference all day Saturday (Oct. 27), and we felt it was a day well-spent.  Great people—with a great vision for building in to marriages—put the event together and we were just so energized by being with them.  Several of the attendees were engaged to be married and were so grateful for teaching that will helpfully get them off on the right foot.  We spent Sunday reconnecting with longtime CBS camper-grown-into-staffer Chelsea Paskvan in Manhattan, and were able to see "Mary Poppins" on Broadway before “getting out of dodge” before Hurricane Sandy hit.

We're now safely snuggled in our home as the storm rages outside, taking with it the last vestiges of fall and a whole lot more.  How thankful we are for a God who cares about beautiful fall colors and great marriages, and who sends friends from Sicily and sharks from heaven.

Loving the feel of those slimy pumpkin seeds...

The finished carved pumpkins, by Brandon and Grandpa Dan.

Yes, we know this is indoctrination . . . and we make no apologies.  Next blog, he'll be a shark.

It's Time to Change

Sunrise over Avalon Harbor . . . His mercies are new every morning. . . 

Three weeks ago we were flying home from Uganda.  Today we're flying home from California.  Maybe when we get home tonight, I'll change my watch from Ugandan time to Eastern Standard Time.

It's a quirky thing with me, admittedly, but it's something I've done for a really long time.  

It's not because I don't know how to change my watch, obviously.  It's because I don't want to quite yet.  For many reasons, my "heart" hasn't been ready to embrace that our days in Mbale, for now, are history.  Mainly it serves as a reminder to pray specifically for what might be going on in Derek and Julie's lives at a given time.  They've had a lot going on since we've left, and we've wanted to stay as connected as we can from seven time zones away.

Other than being completely confused when I glance at my watch in the middle of the night, it serves good "heart" purposes.  Just don't ask me what time it is.  :)

It took a week to adjust to being back in the states, sleep-wise and body-wise, but we didn't have that long before we jumped back in to ministry.  In fact, within 24 hours of returning, we met with the core team of leaders for the Patriots Couples’ study over dinner to map out the plan for the fall, and we managed to stay awake through the whole thing!  It was actually very inspiring to be with three of the player couples, as well as with Don and Betsy Hasselbeck, and to develop a new strategy with hopes of injecting some new life into the study.  We've now had our first two evenings, and we had 18 at the first...and 32 at the second!  We are more than excited at the potential of our gatherings.  

Within 48 hours of landing back in Boston, we were driving to Falmouth to speak at an all-day Saturday marriage seminar for Falmouth Baptist Church.  We had a really sweet time with Tim Rogers, who booked us to speak after coming to several "Worth It" conferences.  It was an adjustment initially to speak at normal speed with less concern about idiomatic expressions, or cultural context, but the "saddle" felt comfortable rather quickly.  It was a very positive time with very sincere folks.

Most of the attendees of the Falmouth Baptist Church conference . . . a great group of folks!

As though we had never been gone, the following week fell in to a predictable pattern.  Wednesday morning was the Patriots Women's study, and we were thrilled to have 17 ladies show up.  :)  After a quick scone-making lesson by moi, we launched our study using Gary Thomas' new book,

Every Body Matters.  

  I really appreciated the message of this book when I read it this past spring and have been promoting it all summer at Family Camps.  As Gary deals with the challenge of "stewarding" our bodies rather than worshiping or abusing them, he treds where few have dared to tred in the Christian community.  His indictment that we've been content to be "chin-up" Christians, focusing on correct theology and doctrine, while ignoring the implications of application of those very truths on our physical bodies and health, is spot on.  We've gotten off to a good start in the study, with good discussion of a topic extremely relevant to the fulfillment of God's purposes for our lives.  Eighteen ladies showed up for week 2 of the study!

Counseling fills the balance of our Wednesdays, and continues on Thursday mornings until mid-afternoon, and then we drive back down to Attleboro for the Pats Couples’ study.  The first week, Big Jim Martis catered a great bbq dinner of steak and chicken and the fixin’s, and then the second week Paul and I prepared a Mexican feast.  The spirit and interaction has been great for these first two meetings.  Pray for both of these weekly studies, that God would draw these dear couples to Himself in a deeper way.

Big Jim is in the middle of a few of our players at our Patriots couples' study.

Last Friday, Sept. 21, I flew to California alone while Paul fulfilled the commitment we had made to Camp Berea to do a seminar at their women's conference.  Paul was one of two male presenters, and his seminar was presented three times on Saturday to full crowds.  The ladies always love him.  

Meanwhile my first stop in California was in San Diego to visit my folks.  I hadn't seen them since Father's Day weekend and it was a joy to hang with them for a couple of days.  My mom's health is good and my dad is declining, but not too rapidly.  We had many sweet moments together. I was also happy to meet my newest great nephew, Josiah David Rivera, when Corey and Claire brought their crew over for a visit.  I spent Sunday on Catalina Island, attending the wedding of Sarah Armstrong and Doug Hippe, long-time friends from family camp.  It was a wonderful, God-honoring celebration and a great time for me to reconnect with many dear island friends.  It was also a joy to spend the night with Wayne and Carol Herbst, Paul's youngest sister and husband.

The mother of the bride, Jenny, is one of my dearest friends.

On Monday I spoke to a group of young moms in Ladera Ranch.  Two of Lisa's dear friends collaborated to make that happen, and it was such an encouraging time to talk about "The Things I Wish I Had Known..." with this group of thirsty young moms.  I LOVE this age/stage and delighted in encouraging them in the hope of the gospel, which is sometimes elusive when life is full of the craziness young children often bring.  Financial pressures, marital challenges, exhaustion, confusion, wanting to do the best but experiencing unwanted feelings of failure to an overwhelming degree at times.  We talked about lots of things and all seemed to really appreciate that I had felt all of those very things—and had survived them.  By God's grace.  It was a very special time.

And here are the moms—outnumbered for sure by the kids!

It was a treat to spend the balance of the time with my dear friend, Wendy Offield, before flying back to Boston on Tuesday.  I returned feeling very blessed: for all of the moments in California, and also for the husband I have.  Traveling alone, I was reminded of how much

he

takes care of when we travel—from hauling all the heavy suitcases, boxes, etc., to getting rental cars, driving to unknown places, etc.  And never getting flustered or acting like it "can't be done."  He gets it done and I am so spoiled.  And more thankful.

Back in Bedford for a mere 48 hours for the two Pats studies, for counseling, and then back to California.  This time to the Bay Area, to spend the weekend at Bethel Christian Church in downtown San Francisco.  Our dear friends, John and Marilyn Nugent (who are also H.I.M. Board members), arranged the weekend.  It was varied and well put together as a "Relationships Weekend,"  featuring us as speakers and Danny and Rayna Oertli as musicians.  We love any opportunity to partner with the Oertlis!!

We launched the weekend on Friday night with a talk on purity, given to teens and their parents.  We were thrilled with the response of a very engaged group; both teens and their parents were interactive and responsive.  During the first half of the evening we spoke to the group together, and during the second half we fielded questions from the parents, while the teens met with their youth leaders.  The questions were thoughtful and heartfelt.  We were reminded of how many more challenges face these parents today and how much more difficult on so many levels it is to protect and prepare teens according to God's design.  Thankfully our hope continues to be in the gospel, and that hasn't changed through the generations.

All day Saturday we did the "Irony of Intimacy" marriage conference.  We were thrilled to have Kari and Gabe, along with three couples they're mentoring, drive out from Sacramento for the conference.  :)  It was also heartening to have Bill and Kristen Smith, friends from CBS, fly in from Reno, and James and Charlotte, a sweet couple who attended Engagement Matters, as well as Drew and Dana Macrae, show up.  Charlotte told me, "As we celebrated our first anniversary in July, we were thinking about the assignment from Engagement Matters to have an annual marital check-up . . . and then the email came announcing this conference!  We were so happy!"

Gabriel and Jessika, Jerron and Danielle, Gabe and Kari, and Lamar and Kalyce drove from Sacramento to our marriage conference at Bethel Christian Church.

We were happy, too.  It was a wonderful day of celebrating God's design for marriage in some very practical ways.  God seemed to meet many there, as evidenced by their comments.

Sunday morning we taught a joint Sunday School class on "Forgiveness" and God met us in a powerful way.  I prayed with a forty-something-year-old man who said he carried deep anger towards his father who was severely abusive to him, his siblings, and his mother.  He said he wanted to walk in freedom, and through tears we prayed that he would release his anger and allow God to handle his father with justice.  

Paul preached the morning worship service and was anointed.  He preached with passion a stirring sermon on God's desire to take us from paralysis to praise—and young and old alike seemed very moved by it.  We wrapped up the weekend by enjoying Danny Oertli in concert and he did not disappoint.  It was a rockin' evening.

What fun to rock out to Danny's concert with Nathan and Julie Aleman and Liz.

Under a full moon and traffic-free highways, we drove to Sacramento after the concert, so we could be wakened by our grandson, Brandon, early the next morning.  And that's exactly what happened.  :)  Our 24 hours with Kari, Gabe, and Brandon flew by, but was a delightful ending to a wonderfully full weekend.

Brandon, 25 months, still loves being on Papa's shoulders.

As October opens its pages, we are glad for a few days to enjoy the best New England has to offer: fall.  Brilliant salmon, orange, crimson leaves pop out against the not yet turned leaves as harbingers of the steady parade of colors that will be ours to behold this month.  The delights of New England fall are unmatched and we're very thankful we'll be around to drink it in.

I guess it is time to change my watch.