Uganda

Worlds Apart




The heavens declare the glory of God . . . whether we're at CBS, or Camp Berea, or Mbale, Uganda.  We send our greetings and love today from Uganda, where we have spent the past two weeks doing very much what we do in the States: speaking on marriage and counseling couples.  

We "hobbled" out of the USA on Monday, Aug. 20, after nine weeks straight of family camp, during which time we barely stopped to catch our breath.  This was a particularly full and exhausting summer—as I wrote in the last post—so by the time we boarded our flight out of Boston, we were anticipating with joy our 24 hours of travel to Entebbe!  Crazy, maybe, but two eight-hour-plus time periods in the air, with no interruptions, was just what we needed about that time.  We were most thankful for good, on-time flights, and for a safe arrival at the Entebbe airport late Tuesday night.  There's nothing quite so sweet as being greeted by eager children, full of smiles, and seemingly non-plussed by the 4-hour, rugged drive they had just made to pick us up.  It was a very happy reunion with Derek and Julie, whose faces we had only seen via Skype since early February.

We drove back to Mbale the next day, after a lovely night's rest and some errands around Kampala.  We made a quick stop in Ginja en route for a late lunch, and just around supper time, we arrived at their home.  This is our first return to Mbale since our visit in May of 2009 (when Derek and Julie were in the beginning of their courtship) and it was such a joy to settle into their home this time. 


We came fully loaded with "not available in Uganda" provisions for Julie and Derek.  What fun!



Our ministry opportunities began almost immediately, as Derek and Julie had their pastor and his wife, Wilberborce and Sarah Okumu, come for dinner Thursday night so we could discuss with them the ministry plans for their church that weekend.  Why Derek and Julie appreciate this couple so much became quickly apparent:  they are passionate people of God who serve their people with deep hearts and commitment.  Wilberforce was really excited about our proposal to teach his congregation about God's design for marriage as found in Genesis 2, the fall and curses in Genesis 3, and the "antidote" to the fall in Ephesians 5.  It was a new thought to him that God's spoken  curse to Eve, "Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you" (Genesis 3:16) means that Eve would have a tendency to control, undermine, manipulate, and overrule her husband (her power corrupted), and that Adam's power would also be corrupted and expressed through dominance or passivity.   With this understanding of the Genesis 3:16 account of the curse, the instructions to husbands and wives found in Ephesians 5 "make sense" and far from being obsolete, irrelevant or oppressive, they address the sinful tendencies of men and women as a result of the fall and the curse.  Wilberforce was very eager for us to teach this to his people, which we did all day Saturday at a marriage seminar, and again on Sunday to a combined number of over 600 in two worship services.  What a privilege to be invited to speak into the lives of these precious people.


Here we are with Pastor Wilberforce and Sarah Okumu of Pearl Haven Christian Center, Derek and Julie's home church.


Our inadequacies have been very apparent to us, and we've been often plagued with concerns about the cultural gaps that exist between our world and theirs.  We have had many moments of self-doubt and questions about whether we really had anything to say.  After eight full days of ministry, we are sure we don't have anything to say apart from the truth of God's Word, and that we don't have anything to offer apart from the work of the Holy Spirit.

We were so aware of this as we taught at Pastor Wilberforce's church, Pearl Haven Christian Center.  The all-day Saturday conference was well attended and received, and we quickly adjusted to speaking through an interpreter.  We were struck with how very different, yet how very similar we are to these people.  In the words of Ron Hall and Denver Moore, "the same kind of different as me."  The struggles between husbands and wives are universal to a degree, with cultural adaptations.  Obviously there are many differences, but the core issues are very similar.  It's been incredibly encouraging to see the impact of truth on the universally-fallen nature of mankind.

Sunday evening we had the privilege of teaching just under 100 at their youth service on God's design for relationships.  As we've done many times in the States, we started by asking them what qualities or characteristics did they hope to find in a mate.  The list was remarkably similar to every list we've heard in the States!  As we taught on God's design for purity and for marriage, we again sensed a hunger for the truth, and yet much confusion related to the cultural mores here. Great questions followed the talk and we felt that some of the confusion was clarified. The longing for healthy, God-honoring relationships was palpable.  Some things are universal among the body of Christ.


At the end of the youth service, a few remained to stack the chairs.


Before the weekend, we spent Friday afternoon with Derek's Senior Management Team at CURE Pediatric Hospital.  This group of very talented, committed leaders of the hospital were delightful to hang out with. After a fabulous lunch of homemade pizza a la Derek and Julie,  we discussed group and team dynamics and what Christlikeness looks like in a hierarchical setting.  It was a productive afternoon.


The Senior Management Team of CURE Hospital:
Florence, (Julie), Miriam, Peter, Moses, (Paul), Moses, and Derek.


Fresh, homemade pizza, baked in Derek's outdoor pizza oven, was happily consumed by all.


Monday, Aug. 27, Paul spent the afternoon with 14 influential, evangelical pastors, hand-picked for this meeting to discuss marriage in Uganda.  Issues such as dowry, bride price, introductions (engagement), weddings, etc., were on the table with the hopes of aligning Ugandan Christian marriages with Biblical design.  The challenges are great:  dowry continues to perpetuate a "wife as property" sentiment, which sets her up to be abused and treated as inferior.  Weddings have become very costly, large events, which cause the couple to wait for years before actually marrying.  They do not, however, postpone co-habiting and having children as they wait for the wedding.  The evangelical pastors have a heart for the church to lead the way in bringing changes, consistent with God's design for marriage, and that was the subject of the afternoon meeting.  Paul took it all in until the end, when he was invited to speak, and he was so impressed with the hearts and thoughts of these men of God.  He considered it a great privilege to be a part of this pivotal meeting.

The next day, the pastors returned with their wives for an all-day seminar with us teaching on marriage.  Once again, we were honored to present Biblical design and to wrestle through difficult questions posed by the pastors.  We loved the spirit of the day.  Such sincere men and women of God who truly are troubled by the state of marriage in Uganda and are poised and ready to lead the way in making some much needed changes.  They were so excited about the day that several of them asked us to return as soon as possible so they could mobilize as many pastors as possible to be taught similarly.  


The pastors and their wives attended an all-day seminar on Christian marriage and ministry.
They were delightful!


The day closed with the singing of "I Surrender All" and it was very, very powerful.

Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday we spent at the CURE Pediatric Hospital, of which our son-in-law Derek is the Executive Director.  Working together with his spiritual care director, Miriam Ongom,  we would be speaking three times each day, in one-hour time slots, to maximize attendance of the hospital staff.  The spiritual emphasis of the hospital this year is "Developing Healthy Relationships," and we were asked to speak on healthy marriages, families, and singles.  

Over the nine hours we had in the three days, we addressed Biblical design for all of these relationships, focusing especially on God's design for purity, for treating one another with Christlikeness, and His design for sexuality.  All the topics were revolutionary to the way life is done in Uganda, but especially radical was dealing openly with sexuality.  Ugandans do not talk about it at all.  Though sex and all things related to it are kept in complete secrecy, there is tremendous corruption, abuse, and confusion concerning all things sexual.  At Miriam's and Derek's suggestion, we waited until Friday to teach on sexuality, and by God's grace and a deep level of trust which had grown between us and the staff, there was an amazing level of openness to our teaching.  Though many submitted written questions, a handful even voiced questions aloud.  There was such an obvious hunger for truth about this "taboo" subject that is so dynamic and which impacts each person's life significantly.  

Our commitment was to teach Biblical design.  The last thing we wanted was to communicate western ideas about sexuality, marriage, etc.  Enough of those ideas have floated through cyberspace and other forms of media and have had a very corrupting and distorting affect on this culture.  For many of them, the concept of a mutually-satisfying marital sexual relationship was a brand new idea.  The truth that there was no place for beating a wife into submission went against common practice.  The belief that husband's headship meant servant leadership, not "I'm the boss so it's all about me" was hard to swallow (for the men, anyway!).  The culturally acceptable attitude towards women as inferior was turned upside down by the Biblical truth of equality.  

God met us in ways which far exceed any expectations we had.  He was so gracious to give us wisdom in the moment as we dealt with complex issues and questions, and to touch the hearts and ears of those listening.  Though exhausted by late Friday afternoon (we also counseled in between the 3 teaching sessions that day), we were thoroughly energized to have been part of something so potentially revolutionary.  

Whenever possible during the four full days we spent at the hospital for the seminars, Julie and I slipped into the ward to see the babies.  As difficult as it is to see babies struggling with such challenging medical conditions, it's so hope-giving to see how God is using this place to bring life and healing.  We're more and more impressed with what is happening here.  

Julie loves on a precious little girl who has had surgery and will soon be going home.


This precious child and his 17-year-old mama has very advanced hydrocephalus and has had a shunt surgically implanted.  The mamas who come here are the brave ones.  Many succumb to the cultural belief that a big-headed baby is cursed, and "accidentally" drop the baby in the river or get rid of them in other ways.  :(



This is Emma and his mama Janet.  We've fallen in love with this pair.  Emma is 11 and due to many complications, is non-mobile and deals with the ongoing effects of hydrocephalus.  Even so, he hardly complains and has the sweetest smile.  He also has a very devoted, sacrificial mama, who is widowed. 

This is a wonderful story of success.  This little girl has returned to the hospital for a follow-up visit and she is doing beautifully, thanks to the amazing grace of God and work of CURE.


We rested on the weekend.  :)  It's been wonderful to hang out with Derek and Julie, relaxing, enjoying playing games, eating fine meals, going to a local resort pool, and getting good sleep.  The first two days of this new week (and our last one in Uganda for awhile), Paul has been focused on writing a handbook to go along with our teaching last week, to leave these dear people with something tangible for reference as they continue to wrestle with these new ideas.  I've gone to the hospital for part of each day with Derek and Julie to check in on the babies.  

Our time is flying by, but we are grateful for every day we're here.  In one week, we'll return to a more familiar world—but one which is loved no more deeply than this one. 

Summer On Steroids

Good-bye Campus by the Sea . . . until 2013!


How fitting . . . that on the one year anniversary of Derek and Julie's wedding, we're flying to Africa to spend the next 3 weeks with them.  But first . . .

The past month has been fast and furious.  Camp is always all-consuming, but this summer was all-consuming on steroids.  Doing two weddings during our seven weeks at CBS (one in Aspen, one in Boston) and going straight from CBS to NH without the traditional week break ratcheted it up to the "on steroids" level.  

Truth be told, when we stood on the brink of the summer back in June, the intensified pace of the summer was daunting to say the least.  It was very clear to us that we wouldn't be able to do it without God's supernatural presence and power - which we know is always true.  We were just much more aware of it given the unusual schedule of the summer. 

With it all in our rear view mirror now, we are humbled by the way God has met us.  It seems like we've heard more stories about His work in lives throughout the summer than ever before, and we know it goes way beyond anything we could've done.  He is faithful.

Our final two weeks at CBS were a bit crazy.  We flew to Boston between camps 5 and 6 to do the wedding of Drew Macrae and Dana Neel.  Drew's parents are on the H.I.M. Board and we’ve had a relationship with Drew and Dana since they began dating their sophomore year at Boston University Academy.  That was over 8 years ago.  We were honored that they wanted Paul to marry them and it was well worth leaving camp to fulfill their request.  God met Paul very powerfully through his message and many of the guests talked with him about the meaningfulness of it.  We had a great weekend celebrating with them.

Drew and Dana came to camp for their final pre-marital counseling marathon session and we loved introducing CBS to them!


A week later, we flew to Boston to perform their wedding.  It was a wonderful celebration.

Before we flew to their wedding, the staff made the annual trek to "Lone Tree" - one of our optional "staff only" special hikes.  We had perfect conditions for the small but stalwart group who sacrificed one of their few opportunities for sleeping in to experience this out-of-the-ordinary hike.


Reaching the goal: Lone Tree!

Our final week at CBS was packed as we wrapped up a seven-week sprint.  It seemed impossible that the days at CBS ran out so quickly, but by August 4, they had.  Family Camp 6 speaker Gary Gaddini's teaching was relevant and profound and God used Him to help change lives.  He also wrapped up the staff's study of David Platt's book Radical in a challenging and practical manner.  The week was full of joyful celebration and sad closure.  

CBS Directors Dave and Kim Noble surprised Paul by honoring him at the final banquet for his 40 years of service to Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship.  Paul went on staff in 1972 as the first tour director for "Twenty-One Hundred", IVCF's traveling multi-media show.  From 1973 to 1976 he served as Campus Staff Member in San Diego, and started directing CBS in 1975.  After our marriage in 1976, he was appointed the full-time director of CBS, a position he held until 1991, when he went on sabbatical in New England and resigned as director.  From 1992 until now, he has been the Program Director for Family Camps at CBS. The Nobles did a great job of honoring Paul and he was as humbled as surprised.

Following the six weeks of camp at CBS, off to Boston we flew, along with 15 summer staffers.  We arrived around midnight on August 4, and by 3 pm Sunday, August 5, we had launched the HIM/Berea Family Camp at Camp Berea in New Hampshire.  276 eager campers arrived that afternoon and we were off and running.  

God met us so incredibly.  Some of my "I feel overwhelmed at times by this crazy summer" concerns had revolved around exhaustion and vulnerability to sickness....and we felt God was faithful to give us what we needed strength-wise, and we had very few cases of sickness.  Praise Him!!  He also met our needs for staffing such a huge camp: our final need was filled in the ninth hour by Aly, who is the sister of the boyfriend of a CBS staff's sister  :)  She was great.  We also had veteran staffers Liz Aleman (who just graduated from law school), Kelsey O'Keeffe (who just graduated from Muhlenberg College), Brian and Heather Dietz (on staff at Highrock Church and long-time mentees), Sue Martis (who has faithfully run the nursery childcare program at our east coast family camps for years), Barbara Steele (who keeps the infrastructure intact), and Helen Challener (who served at CBS in 1978 and 1980 and now has served two summers at Berea.)  What gifts each of these "ballast" veteran staff were to the team!


HIM/Berea's Family Camp 1 staff

Camp 1 ended on Saturday, August 11th, and Camp 2 arrived on Saturday, August 11th.  Yes.  Summer on steroids.  Though less than ideal, it's how it had to be since Berea had a camp booked the following weekend, beginning on Friday the 17th.  So . . . we had to start on Saturday the 11th, and we did!!!  Though not quite as large as Camp 1, it was a sold-out camp full of very expectant campers and God met us all.  It was a powerful week of ministry and God sustained us.  Right down to the last moment.  To Him be the glory!!!

Paul leads children’s devotions at Berea


The Ide family competes at the Tuesday evening game show . . . 


. . . brought to you by your game show hosts!


Families and staff join together for the chicken dance at Berea

The Minch family works on their banner
The solo challenge was a new feature at Camp Berea this year


HIM/Berea's Family Camp 2 staff

I wish I could tell you all the stories from the summer, but I am going to share a few:

Some long-time CBS family campers brought with them a young family whose dad was not able to come due to his work as a maritime captain (and therefore is gone for long periods of time. ) The mom and her 4 young children came to camp as ones seeking to know God more fully.  Paul and I spoke this summer on Thursday nights on "Intentional Friendship in Marriage" and we close telling the story of my parents who wrote letters to one another every night while they were separated by my dad's Naval career.  (A link to that talk will be posted here with a few weeks.)  Our final challenge is "What are you doing to build into the friendship of your marriage that will help you finish well together?"  This young mom shared at the banquet that she was convicted due to her lack of keeping in touch with her husband during his deployments and was newly committed to being intentional to write him faithfully now.  She said that God had really met her during the week at camp.

Another camper wrote:
"Loved your staff!  My kids were loved and taught better than I could ever imagine.  No matter what age, all kids were taken such good care of."

And another: 
"It's with tremendous gratitude that we leave today.  Thank you doesn't seem enough to express what is in our hearts.  CBS is one place and time of year we know we come to meet God in a most intimate way - as a family and as a couple.  It truly is heaven on earth.  The staff are the best example we've seen of Biblical servanthood.  We are refreshed and encouraged to return home for kingdom building in our marriage and family."

We are grateful beyond words.  We'll take these next three weeks in Uganda to reflect on and process the summer, as well as to be refreshed and renewed.  We will also have the privilege of partnering with Derek and Julie by doing some marriage seminars at their church, with the Mbale missionary community at large, and with the CURE Hospital staff.  

We're basking in the faithfulness of God as we consider the incredible ways we've seen Him work through family camps this summer.  Thanks for your prayers and support in so many ways.  

We've arrived in Entebbe after 24 hours of easy, uncomplicated travel and have had a joyful reunion with Derek and Julie.  What a gift to be able to do life with them for the next three weeks.

Jambo from Uganda!  And no more steroids.  :)  

Good-bye and Hello



Only a very few days into the new year, we said good-bye to one of the best gifts to us from the years we served on the staff of Grace Chapel.  Claude Cole, 94-years-old, was released from his suffering body as he breathed his last on earth.  Though it wasn't "hard" to accept his death (as it is with early or tragic deaths), we experienced a profound sense of loss accompanying our deep gratitude to the Lord for allowing our lives to intersect on such a personal level with such a great man.


At Claude's 90th birthday celebration, he and Forestine are flanked by four of their great fans: John and Marilyn Nugent and us.


Claude was a faithful man of God, who, along with his wife, Forestine, joined forces with four other couples back in 1948 and prayed and sacrificed to birth Grace Chapel.  As recounted by his daughter Claudia at his funeral, he was a man of extraordinary faith whose belief in God's power and presence was unshakeable.

Though many things endeared us to Claude, at the top of the list (behind his faith) was his commitment to and love for his precious Forestine.  His love for her not only never wavered, but seemed to grow stronger when the effects of her dementia became impossible to ignore.  Statistically, when a man is afflicted with Alzheimers Disease, 70% of their wives stay with them and care for them.  When a wife is so afflicted, only 30% of their husbands stay with them and care for them.  We knew Claude was in the cream of the crop long before Forestine began losing her mind, but through the years of caring for her until her death, Claude demonstrated over and over the stuff he was made of.  He was deeply in love with her all his days.  He set the bar.

So 2012 was ushered in with Claude's farewell, and Paul did a beautiful job of tributing him at his funeral.  We were so thankful that our whole family was able to attend the funeral the morning prior to Derek catching his flight to Uganda and Gabe, Kari, and Brandon catching their flight to Sacramento.  Our desire to meet up with Thora Eames (who along with her husband Elliot was one of the five GC-founding couples) was also fulfilled that day, as she came up from Duxbury to pay tribute to Claude.  (The Cole and Eames families were best friends for many years.)  We were all so happy to catch up with this dear friend whose "full speed ahead" life at 94 inspires us!!!


After Claude's funeral, we caught up with our beloved Thora.

Julie, Lisa, and I drove down to southern Pennsylvania on Friday, Jan. 6, so Julie could attend a prep course for her Physical Therapy board exam.  Continuing to seize fleeting moments with influential elders, Lisa and I visited Barbara Boyd on Saturday while Julie was in class.  Barbara, now 88, was one of Paul's parents’ best friends and colleagues.  She retired from a lifelong career with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship some years ago after faithfully investing in making disciples through the discipleship program she developed for IVCF, Bible and Life.  I was thrilled that Lisa was able to hear stories of her grandparents from one who knew them very well...and to hear the heart of a devoted woman of God whose life didn't go exactly as planned.  Barbara's fiance, Ralph Willoughby, a promising Christian leader and rising star, died 4 days after contracting an unidentified virus, and Barbara has never met a man she wanted to marry after him.... "yet!" she said with a twinkle and a smile.  Far from bitter, Barbara lights up as she speaks of the unmitigated joy she's had in serving her Lord by helping others discover the matchless riches of His Word.  Listening to her talk was sacred, to be honest.  What a privilege.  So now, only Kari hasn't met this remarkable lady and I'm praying that day will come.

Lisa continued south to Harrisonburg as Julie and I returned to New England on Sunday, Jan. 8.  It was great to get home to a de-Christmased home (thank you, Paul!) and to spend a few days regrouping following our wonderful two-week Christmas vacation with our kids.  Especially fun was having Julie with us for the month as she continued preparing for her PT boards.  Counseling resumed, we had a H.I.M. Board meeting, and we were quickly back in the saddle.

Fifteen families gathered at the Boxborough Holiday Inn over Martin Luther King's holiday weekend for our annual Family Mid-Winter Getaway, and the balmy weather departed just in time for a cold weekend, making the indoor swimming pool even more appreciated.  It's a very low-key weekend with minimal programming, and lots of time for hanging out, enjoying community.  We were especially impressed with the teens, who fully integrated with the younger kids and made it a very fun weekend for all. They give us great hope for the next generation.


Brian Dietz once again lead worship for the Family Mid-Winter Getaway and had enthusiastic support for the "Butterfly Song" from all ages.


The family groups circle up for discussion during the "program" time of the weekend.

It was also really nice to celebrate a big Patriots win over the Broncos that weekend.  The last two Family Mid-winter getaways have not produced such good results for our boys, so we all enjoyed the win.  However, we also agreed that we're all big Tebow fans, so we're sorry he had to lose in order for us to win that weekend.  Even so, there was plenty of Tebow talk throughout the weekend as we all could celebrate his incredible impact on the NFL world with the message of the gospel, which leaves all things temporal (even football) in the dust.  What a difference maker he is!!

We hit the road the next weekend, after a month's hiatus from airports.  Off to Rome and Athens (in Georgia!) we went, after flying in to Atlanta.  It was such a joy to be picked up at the airport by Nate and Jeannie King, and to have many hours with them throughout the weekend as they served as our personal chauffeurs.  Our speaking engagement was with the 1st Presbyterian Church of Rome, and their annual marriage conference was held in the Brasstown Resort.  It was such an upscale place that the rain all weekend didn't really dampen anyone's experience!  This was the second year in a row we've done their marriage conference, so we felt very connected with the group.  We had a great weekend.

As soon as the conference ended on Sunday, the Kings whisked us up to Athens, GA, where we had a very important date with the TV to watch the AFC playoff game.  :)  We had the privilege of watching it with Kevin "Chappie" and Mikki Hynes, who serve with FCA at University of Georgia.  Mikki's brother is Coach Mark Richt, head coach of Georgia football and the one who honored James David Eunice (our 17-year-old friend who died a year ago in a duck hunting accident) with a Georgia jersey at his funeral.   Small world.  "Chappie" lacks no enthusiasm for football so we held nothing back in that nail-biter of a game against the Ravens.  Whew!!


Minutes after the Patriots defeated the Ravens, we pose for a celebratory shot with the Hynes family, Nate and Jeannie King, and Jill Perry.  Go Pats!!

With our hearts still racing and our adrenaline still pumping, we drove with Chappie and Jill Perry, also on FCA staff, to the campus to speak to the FCA meeting that night.  What fun!  To a room packed full of Division I athletes, we talked relationships and God's design.  It was very energizing for us and thought-provoking for them, which spawned many conversations long after the talk ended.  We loved it.  We were so encouraged by what's happening through FCA at UGA.


After most of the attendees had dispersed, we gathered the remnant for this shot after the FCA meeting at UGA.


Interacting with a very responsive crowd, we felt right at home at the FCA meeting.


A shot into the crowd . . . athletes from football, basketball, gymnastics, tennis, track and field, etc., gathered to talk about relationships.



Jill Perry wrote the following day: "It was a wonderful night. The students I meet with for weekly discipleship have shared with me how much it deeply impacted them. We had a huge turnout! What a blessing!”

I can assure you, the blessing was ours.  We love to interact with students who are leaning in to a godly view of relationship rather than a cultural view.  As we said to them, our great sadness for their generation is that they've been lied to since they were little about their sexuality and the nature and purpose of relationships.  For many of them, gaining a Biblical perspective is relatively new.  What a joy to be part of that process.

We flew back to Boston on Monday (after getting at least a couple of hours with the four precious King children) and we made the most of the 24 hours we were home to help Julie with her final preparations for moving to Uganda as soon as her boards were taken on Monday, Jan. 30.  We did a few errands, some baking, a bit of sewing - but mostly we marveled at how much work she had done and how well organized and prepared she was for this major transition.  We squeezed everything we could out of those brief hours and then boarded a plane for Spokane, WA, to partner for the 4th time in 5 years with the Moses Lake Alliance Church (MLAC).  We have very deep hearts for this congregation and are so honored to return.


Though short, we had a sweet morning with the King children before leaving GA for home.


Kent (executive pastor of MLAC) and Staci Copley picked us up and we picked up with one another as good friends do.  We really do love hanging with these guys and their daughters, Tori and Britni.  We are terribly amused by one another on one hand, but also have deep and significant conversations, so we always enjoy being with them.  We not only admire their ministry hearts, but we respect them greatly as parents.  Their daughters reflect the best of parenting as they are well behaved and respectful as well as being tons of fun.  It's a joy to stay in their home.


Kent and Staci Copley with their daughters Britni and Tori are always a delight to hang with.


Not that we were there much!  We arrived in time Wednesday to go directly to church to speak on relationships to both the middle schoolers and the high school group.  Both groups were receptive and interactive and it was clear that the families and the staff at MLAC have a strong commitment to teaching Biblical design to their kids.  Refreshing!

Thursday morning, we spoke to a group of women on parenting and marriage.  Caryn Bowser, the lead pastor's wife, served up a lovely brunch at the church (and explained to me, "I want them to feel as though they're coming to our home!".)  She accomplished that!  It was a sweet time.  Paul baked cookies with the girls in the afternoon and then we were off to speak to a very cool event that evening.  The "Ministerial Association" of Moses Lake invited to us to speak for a special night out for the local pastors.  A phenomenal dinner was served by the local country club (seriously good steak!) and after some time of worship, we spoke on balancing ministry and marriage.  It was very encouraging for us to see pastors and wives from about 15 different churches in Moses Lake communing with one another rather than competing with each other.  They are clearly committed to working together for the Kingdom which can only be good for the people of Moses Lake!  Walking shoulder to shoulder in unity is so consistent with the heart of the gospel. We loved being a part of that.

Friday we drove up to Clearwater Lodge in Newport, WA, and began the marriage conference.  It was like a family reunion of sorts, as this is the 4th conference we've done for them and we have deep hearts for these folks.  Lots of laughter and fun interaction throughout the weekend, along with rapt attention during the times of teaching.  It was especially meaningful to us that Jody (lead pastor) and Caryn Bowser were there.  It makes a bit statement to a congregation when pastoral staff prioritize a marriage conference.  And they weren't "just" there.  Jody led worship and played songs we haven't heard since the 70's.  (When was the last time you heard "Blind Man"?)  It was fun to actually know all the songs!  A definite advantage of having a more "mature" worship leader.  :)


Jody and Caryn Bowswer and Kent and Staci Copley are providing Godly leadership for the congregation at Moses Lake Alliance Church.


The conferees at the MLAC marriage retreat.  We have grown to deeply love this group.

It was a great weekend and we were truly sorry when it came to a close.  Kent and Staci sped us off to the airport to catch an early afternoon flight so we could be home in time to take Julie to her Board exam in the morning.  Thankfully, there were no complications and we made it by the time the clock struck twelve midnight.

The long anticipated Boards came and went on Monday, and hours later, Julie and I flew to London.  Why not?  Julie's husband, Derek, flew up from Uganda to get some dental work done, and more importantly, to retrieve his wife.  We've spent the last three days enjoying London, the highlights of which were staying in the lovely Ashburton Bed and Breakfast in Chorleywood (owned and operated by Nick and Olive Vale, whose daughter, Tiffany, lives in Mbale volunteering for an NGO there), seeing the stage play "Les Miserables", spending a day with our lifelong friend, Kelsey Offield, and eating some great meals.  Of course the highest light was hanging out with Derek and Julie.  As I fly back to Boston today, they are on a plane taking them the opposite direction to Uganda, and so their life will begin as a married couple as medical missionaries in this  developing country.

I'll admit that since their engagement 15 months ago, it has seemed to easy to think of Julie living in Africa.  It's so consistent with her long-held desire to serve underserved children in Africa.  And how can you argue with the divine orchestration of God bringing her and Derek to one another, serving children in Africa.  I've said countless times, "I'd rather have her in Africa where she feels she's exactly where God wants her than near us where we would love to have her."

I didn't feel that as convincingly this morning as we tearfully hugged good-bye at Heathrow six hours ago.  It all of a sudden feels like she's very far away, and in a curious way, she seemed awfully young and vulnerable as she waved good-bye.

Of course she's not.  Her 27th birthday is just ahead and she’s married to one of the finest men of God we've ever met.  And we all believe they're where God wants them to be for now.

Though my feelings are real and valid, they're not stronger than what I know is true.  Our good-bye this morning allows her to say "hello" to her new life, which is full of hope and promise, love and adventure, challenge and accomplishment.

And God is over all and in all.  That's most comforting of all.


Our early morning farewell at the Ashburton B and B, with innkeeper Nick Vale sending us off.

Life Goes On

The full moon last night (Oct. 14, as I write this) reminds me that we’ve been home from Europe a month now. Re-entry has been harder than expected, quite honestly—and the beautiful summery weather we’ve continued to experience in New England contributes to the desire to keep hiking, biking, and gawking at God’s beautiful creation.  Fortunately, our schedule has allowed us to be so indulged, so we’ve had a “soft” landing, in a manner.

Though it wouldn’t appear that way to some.  Less than 12 hours after returning from Europe, I was driving to Foxboro to launch the Patriots women’s study, which is held every Wednesday morning during the season.  It’s an honor to be leading the study for the second year and we’re all getting a lot out of Cynthia Heald’s

Becoming a Woman of Faith

.  Fifteen women are involved and it’s truly one of the highlights of my week to interact with these engaged, honest, interactive women.

 A smattering of counseling appointments made their way into the balance of that week and on Saturday, Paul initiated

Camp Berea

’s Women’s Conference with the first male-presented workshop in its history.  Not surprisingly (from my vantage), he hit it out of the park with the women and received feedback that his was the most highly rated workshop of the weekend.  :)  We received this email regarding his workshop:

“I attended Paul’s workshop this weekend at the Women’s Retreat and he was excellent.  I think the women could have stayed all afternoon and listened to him bring understanding to them about their husbands’ reactions.  He was “right on” according to some of the gals I spoke with.  He was straight to the point and didn’t mince words, which spoke to many of them.  I doubt seriously if many of them have had such a clear delivery of how their husbands hear their words and how they deliver their words.”

He made it back down from Berea in time to have a farewell dinner with our dear friend, Margaret Austin, whose husband was picked up off the Patriots’ practice squad by the Texans—and just like that, they vanished.  We hated to see them go, as both Margaret and Thomas have deep hearts for the Lord and have added great ballast to the couples’ study and women’s study this past year.  But alas, the “Not For Long” league lived up to its reputation.  We’ll miss having them here for a long time.

Margaret Austin and I share a farewell hug before she joined her husband in Houston, where he now suits up for the Texans.

We did something in September we haven't done often in the past eight years since the launch of Home Improvement Ministries: we attended our home church two weeks in a row! It was so good to hear David Swaim (

Highrock Church

) preach in person rather than hearing him via podcast and to connect with many dear people who attend that church.

We were in full tilt the next week, counseling, doing both Patriots studies, catching up on neglected emails, sorting through piles which just grew over the previous four months of not being home, and regrouping in general.  Adding joy to some of these mundane tasks was having Julie with us for several days leading up to the east coast wedding reception held Sept. 21 at the Macraes’ home in Weston.  Derek joined the festivities on Friday, the 20th, after flying in from Uganda where he had spent the prior two weeks.  Yes, 17 days into their marriage, they experienced a 14-day separation, necessitated by his continuing duties as executive director of the

CURE Children’s Hospital

in Mbale, Uganda.  Though it wasn’t easy,  they both agreed it was much better than the four-month separations characteristic of their two-year long-distance courtship.

Their reception was delightful as many wonderful friends came to wish them well and to celebrate God’s goodness to them through marriage.  The youngest attendee was 6 weeks old—the first child of one of Julie’s best friends from high school—and the oldest was Thora Eames, at 93, who came with more vim and vigor than most of the middle-aged crowd combined.  We were honored to have my sister Francene and her husband Thom fly up from Virginia for the party, and were thrilled that Lisa's women's soccer team from JMU “just happened” to be playing Northeastern on Sunday, allowing her to catch the tail end of the reception.  It was a great afternoon.

It was a special joy to have Gail MacDonald, long-time family friend and mentor, attend the reception.

And Thora Eames—she inspires all of us!  She brought much energy to the afternoon!!

Doug and Julie Macrae kindly opened their home for the reception which was a huge blessing to all.

Lisa made it off the practice field to catch the tail end of the reception, and we had a happy reunion with her and my sister Francene

.

Following the reception, we had the absolute delight of spending a couple of days with Derek and Julie in New Hampshire.  We rode our bikes around Newfound Lake and then swam in it—on Sept. 23 and 24th!!  The warm weather made the lake irresistible and we behaved as though it were summertime.  We enjoyed every minute of this getaway, especially knowing that in a few short months, Derek and Julie will settle in Mbale, Uganda, and such moments will be few and far between.

Mounted on our steeds, we rode the 18-mile circumference of  Newfound Lake on a gorgeous summer-like fall day.

Back to Bedford for the Patriots’ women's study and some counseling before driving with Derek and Julie to Rockport and Gloucester, where we splurged on some fresh-out-of-the-water 2# lobsters.  Home for a delicious New England lobster dinner and a competitive game of “Nickel.”  A perfect ending to a great day.

At Captain Joe’s, we were amazed by this ginormous lobster.  We let him live, and settled on four 2-pounders which were out of this world.

We had a great turnout for the Patriots’ couples study Thursday night and all seem to be engaged in the Jesus on Marriage study Paul wrote for this fall's curriculum.  We're having a lot of good and thought provoking interaction following sharing a meal together.  We're so thankful that Matt and Susie Light are hosting the study again this year.

Off to Pennsylvania we drove to speak at Elizabethtown Brethren in Christ Church, on Sunday, Oct. 2.  En route, we stopped in Lancaster for dinner with one of our cherished mentors, Barbara Boyd.  A contemporary

IVCF

colleague of Paul’s parents, Barbara is an absolute inspiration to us.  She has faithfully followed Christ since meeting Him in her early 20’s and as we listened to her life story over dinner, we were even more impressed with her incredibly fruitful life.  And with her joyful acceptance of how her life has unfolded.  Engaged to be married to Ralph Willoughby in her late 20’s, her hopes and dreams for a God-honoring marriage were dashed when Ralph died of a virus months before they were to be married.  Barbara never married, but rather than live with the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams, she poured herself in to Kingdom work and was used mightily by God for decades as she served with IVCF.  She is still “green with sap” (Psalm 92) as she continues to live for Him as an octogenarian.  We were deeply touched by our time with her.

We had a great evening with Barbara Boyd as we made our way to Elizabethtown, PA.

It was a true joy to return to Elizabethtown Brethren in Christ Church (

EBIC

) after having a wonderful introduction to this congregation almost a year ago.  Steve and Liz Lane head up this vital church and it was a delight to spend a bit of time with them while there.  We spoke at both of their Sunday services, taught their very large adult Sunday School class, and did a parenting seminar.  We packed a lot in to a short time and actually hated to leave so quickly—but we had an engagement in Harrisonburg the next night so on we went.

Steve and Liz Lane and their sons Michael and Scottie were wonderful hosts for us at EBIC.

Next stop:  Harrisonburg, Virginia.  After a brief but lovely visit with my sister and her husband, Laura and David Leach, in Burke, Virginia, we drove down to Harrisonburg with Lisa, and spoke at the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (

FCA

) large group meeting Monday night.  Lisa has assumed a position of leadership with FCA at JMU this year and she was so happy to have us speak on the topic of relationships to a good-sized group of student athletes.  We loved it and were honored by the opportunity.  It was an added bonus to have some moments with Lisa as well.  Our trip back to Boston on Tuesday was smooth, fast, and uneventful.  That’s the way we like road trips!

Lisa poses with part of her FCA leadership team after the large group meeting Monday night.

Back to Boston in time for the Patriots women’s study, counseling, the Patriots couples’ study, and more counseling.  In between we also spoke at

Mom to Mom

at

Grace Chapel

, and it was good to reconnect with many dear friends there.

The moms at Grace Chapel’s Mom to Mom were very happy to have access to resources after we spoke.

We flew to California on Friday, Oct. 7, to attend the wedding of a young man who grew up coming to Campus by the Sea.  Over the years, we’ve become close family friends so it was a joy for us to celebrate with Matt Engle and Tara Klein as they entered the covenant of marriage on Oct. 9.  Derek and Julie joined us for the weekend and due to the gracious generosity of friends who loaned us their "empty" home in Camarillo, we had a wonderfully relaxing and refreshing weekend around the wedding festivities.  We got a bit of work done between hiking, swimming, and having a blast with Derek and Jules—and the wedding was delightful.  A really special highlight of being at the wedding—besides the obvious—was reconnecting with one of my best friends from college, Janet Siemens Spencer and her husband Greg, who is a professor at

Westmont

.  Janet played the piano at our wedding and we hadn’t seen each other for about 23 years.  We had a great time filling in the blanks of the past many years and made a commitment to stay in better touch.  What an unexpected gift!

We hiked to Paradise Falls in Camarillo with Derek and Julie during the wedding weekend.

 What a joy to reconnect with Greg and Janet Spencer at Matt and Tara Engle’s wedding.

Two last visits before flying back to Boston completed the trip.  We had the joy of meeting the almost-3-month-old son of friends whom we married last September.  Since we've known the new dad since he was born, it was very special to meet the next generation.  Much to our delight, his mom, my very dear friend Wendy, was also included in the visit.  We spent the night with another very dear Wendy (Turney), and flew back to Boston on Tuesday, Oct. 11, very, very grateful for a memorable-on-many-levels weekend.

And so life goes on.  We were back in the saddle in New England for a mere 48 hours.  But that’s news for the next blog.

It’s a new year!


1-11-11
Hopefully that’s what we’ll be saying after the Pats meet the Jets this Sunday at Gillette.  :)

As our attention turns to a huge nor’easter snowstorm approaching New England and the Pats preparing for the play-offs this weekend, we’re very aware we’re not in Hawaii anymore.  There are a few other reminders as well, like the sub-freezing temps, the piles of dirty snow left over from the post-Christmas storm, and Dunkin’ Donuts stands on every corner.  We’re home—briefly—and our warmth is driven by memories of a wonderful vacation in Hawaii with Gabe, Kari, and Brandon.

Our days on the Big Island, made possible by the generosity of one of our dearest friends who loaned us her condo in Kailua-Kona and lots of frequent flyer miles accrued by our extensive travels, were nothing short of delightful.  Though having a 4-month-old along insured that every day wasn’t filled with early morning to late evening activities as per our normal “vacation” pace, we packed a surprising amount of exploration and discovery into our 8 days there.  One day, we drove up the Kohala Coast and spent several hours on Hapuna Beach as well as Mauna Kea Beach, thrilling to see some humpback whales breaching as they migrated past us.  We drove the Saddle Road to Hilo (a first) and loved seeing multiple waterfalls, gorgeous flowers, and farmers’ markets.  We drove down the east coast of the island to the “end of the road” where volcano Kilauea had buried the town of Kalapana under 75' of lava almost 20 years ago and were amazed to see green growth randomly popping up from the unfriendly lava fields.  Later that evening, we watched Kilauea’s deep orange glow and scalding steam arise as we stood on the crater’s rim.  One day we hiked down to Captain Cook’s memorial, on a very rigorous, broken-lava-strewn, uneven, and toe-catching 2-mile semi-pathway, which was hard to go down (1300' drop in 2 miles), and even harder to go up.  Brandon was the only one who thought it was a blast as he rode in his “Jeep” front pack being worn by his devoted dad.  The snorkeling in Kealakekua Bay was worth it all, admittedly, and yes, we would do it again.

We swam, played tennis and ping pong, Rummikub and Nickel, went to the pool, sipped iced Kona coffee and frozen lattes, savored papayas, pineapples, avocados, and samples at Costco, slept in, napped, watched the wonders of the sea-world (including spouting and breaching whales and sea turtles bellying up to the fresh sushi bar) and the wonders of volcanoes, past and present.  Most of all, though, we passed Brandon around.  He was definitely the star of the show.  Even breaching whales don’t compete with the gift of watching this little guy grow up before our very eyes.  And though I risk sounding like an incurably prejudiced grandma (guilty as charged), he was very easy to be around with his low-key, content, sweet disposition.  

Four month old Brandon is dressed and ready for the surf.

Sporting his Red Sox hat, Brandon and Kari take a walk on Hapuna Beach.

At Honaunau, we couldn’t get enough of these sea turtles who were enjoying “fresh sushi in the sea.”
Down the challenging path to Captain Cook’s memorial, we all snorkeled in Kealakekua Bay and marveled at the stunningly beautiful undersea world.

Back up that awful trail from Captain Cooks, Gabe suppresses his masculine pride to don Kari’s nursing apron to provide protection for Brandon’s fair skin.


Hilo provided some gorgeous waterfall sightings.  Here we pose in front of Pe’e Pe’e Falls.

Gabe stands on the lava formed coastline on the southeastern shore of Hawaii, and is mesmerized by the power and fury of the ocean.

Brandon enjoys the sunset at Honaunau on our last evening together.

This is really what it looked like.  Breathtakingly beautiful, we didn’t leave until the last rays of sun were swallowed up by darkness.

Brandon and his Grandpa exchange smiles as they relax together on the couch.

It’s hard to imagine how the days could’ve been better.  We were blessed in a big way to have these days together, being renewed and refreshed by being in such an extraordinary place.  

The red-eye flight home dimmed some of the glow, but not much.  We were so thankful to get home Friday morning, since a very big weekend was in the wings.

Saturday morning, Jan 8, we were leading Engagement Matters for 12.5 couples.  Along with the resource team of Ryan and Kelly Plosker and Doug and Julie Macrae, we agreed that it was one of the best weekends ever.  Not sure how to qualify that, except to say that we all had great interaction with the couples, who were open, engaged, and taking it all in.  They seemed to be there with hearts to seriously consider truth that would impact their thinking regarding making “the second most important decision of life.”  We continue to love this event and pray that God will use it to change the world through at least a few of these future marriages.

That evening we had the privilege of being a part of Matthew Steele and Stephanie Chin’s wedding reception.  The wedding had occurred earlier in the day, while we were involved with Engagement Matters (EM), but we were so honored to join the festivities at Hei La Moon Restaurant in Chinatown and have Paul serve as emcee for the evening, as well as pronounce a blessing on Matt and Steph at the evening’s close.  It was purely a joyful occasion.  Matt and Steph, who met as undergrads at MIT, both have sincere hearts for the Lord and are committed to honoring Him with their lives, now together.  The merging of their two cultures appeared seamless as they included traditions from both of their backgrounds.  In all, it was a beautifully God-honoring celebration, and a very fitting end to our day.  Matt and Steph had gone through EM a year ago and it felt like a “graduation” of sorts to witness their entry into the covenant of marriage.


With Mr. and Mrs. Steele (times two!) at the reception.

Though we arrived home very late, we got enough sleep to fuel us through the second day of EM, which wrapped up around 3:30 Sunday afternoon.  Some of the comments participants wrote on their evaluations:
“It helped us to bring up and clarify some things we hadn’t discussed and has helped us to grow closer and communicate more effectively”
“Confirmed that problems are real”
“There is a lot to do!  But God’s grace and redemptive nature is so comforting”
“We are getting closer to not getting married.  This has helped us figure this out.  We have seen that we have too many differences.  It raised questions about our relationship we had not faced.”
“It has helped me realize I am marrying a great man.” 
After Engagement Matters concluded, we went on to church for the 5 pm service, and then home to crash.

Monday was actually even longer as we counseled from 8 am to 7:30 pm, virtually break-less, and then went into a H.I.M. Board Meeting.  It was so good to be with our board.  We love each of them so much and are so thankful for their continuing commitment to this ministry in general, and to us personally.  We value their input, insights, and gifts, all of which bring diversity and more depth to the table.  The months ahead are very full of traveling and speaking and we’re raring to go!

Julie’s days in Uganda were very sweet, until Derek’s locked car was broken into right before New Year’s, and they were robbed of all the electronics in the car.  They lost iPods, Kindles, cameras, FLIP video, and Julie’s Blackberry, as well as Julie’s backpack containing her travel Bible, journal, and school work.  That was a real bummer, but they handled it well and chose to be thankful that they still had their irreplaceable things (their lives) and that the pictures in their minds would have to suffice.  It hasn’t been an easy transition back for Julie as she begins her 5th trimester of grad school and their wedding date of August 21 seems very far off at this point, but we’re praying her through each day.

Lisa is meeting herself coming and going as the women’s basketball season heats up, but she’s really enjoying taking care of her 11 players.  In her spare time, she’s trying to buy a car to replace “Olga,” her 1998 bright red with sunroof and leather seats Lincoln Continental whose transmission died just before Christmas.

We’ve launched our second year of reading through the Bible using D. A. Carson’s For the Love of God as a guide.  We’re both committed to being more His than H.I.M.’s this year.  And I continue training for my next half-marathon, which I’ll run February 28 at Disney World. 

We’re so thankful for life, for health, for family and friends, and for the opportunity to minister in this arena.  A belated happy new year!